(Closed) "Don't tell me to relax!!!" … Unwelcome advice

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

To make sure that didn’t happen, I made sure that only the ones that “needed to know” knew what was going on.  The wedding and events and DIY projects will pretty much be a surprise so no one can put in their “two-cents” and no advice unless I ask for it.  Working out so far..lol

Post # 5
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

Omg just relax 😉 lol I’m sorry!!! some people want to think they know better from experience. I agree with others, keep things on a need to know basis and deal with things the way you usually would. I can’t “just relax” when planning, I need to have mini freakouts alone sometimes :D. 

Post # 6
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes. From my future mother-in-law. See, she’s one of those women who tries to take control over everything, whether she has your permission or not. To give you an example, she once repotted the flowers outside our door and planted her own because “they look better”; never asked, just assumed we would like hers better and therefore that’s how they had to be. So because of this, Fiance and I have agreed to keep wedding information to ourselves, lest she try to “fix things” she feels are “wrong”.

But that doesn’t stop her from saying that “we” should do such-and-such (ugh, there IS NO “we” except for Fiance and I), or announcing that she will be over to do a certain task she deems is necessary. Once, she texted me out of the blue: “I’ll be over next week to help you empty out the office so your parents can stay there”. Not only is my wedding months away, but they will most definitely be staying in a hotel room– my mom is very allergic to cats and I have three.

Anyways, we don’t let her just drop in or anything, but it doesn’t stop her from sitting and brooding over the wedding. She hasn’t gotten the hint, so we still hear all of the “advice” she can think of (despite never being involved in a wedding before and never being married herself).

Post # 7
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hahaha I almost have the opposite. THey ask me how the wedding planning has come along (fellow 2014 bride) and I’m like… the same distance it went 3 months ago? A venue, a date…. what else am I supposed to do 18 MONTHS OUT. I know they’re just excited… but it’s kind of funny I’m the nonchalent.. one…

Post # 8
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It is an Elopement… just you and your Hubby-2B.  So don’t feel you have to share much in the way of details.  That will make it easier.  We shared some “basic ideas” with friends & family… “We plan to get married on the beach… I’m wearing a Wedding Dress… we’ll be going out for a nice dinner afterwards”… but that was it.

When it comes to Elopements they are certainly easier to plan / less stressful than a BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding (had one of those the first time)… BUT people still feel they sometimes need to give you input / feedback.

The trick is keeping the details to yourself… and sharing afterwards.

Lol, by then all is said & done… so people have a lot less to say !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 9
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

ARGH, yeah i hate this too. its usually people who dont know how much is involved in planning a wedding. I wouldnt normally tell them but because they ask…

Post # 10
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

People think I’m too relaxed about it… but I’m just not feeling the need to get it all figured out by yesterday. It doesn’t really bug me but if I were in the reverse situation like you, working hard at something and people not taking it seriously, telling me to relax, it probably would. You might be coming across more stressed out than you think though. Ask your Fiance 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Playing devil’s advocate for a moment here – if everyone was telling you to relax, is there a chance you were freaking out about all the details?  I’ve been a bride twice and a MOB 3 times so I realize people come out of the woodwork to offer advice, but if everyone is saying the same thing, is there something to it?

Post # 12
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@hermom:  Even so, there is nothing, NOTHING, that makes a person relax less than being told to relax.

 

I’m with you, OP!

Post # 13
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My pet peeve? People telling me “Oh just wait, you’ll be stressed out when it gets closer….” Um, what? It’s like people are jealous that I’m NOT a stressed out bride.

I HATE people talking to me like I’m a little girl just starting out and needing to be told how to do everything to plan my own wedding. But it’s because I’m so far from that. In my 30s, own my house, have a very stable career… everything but the husband! Just because they spent too much money and were frustrated by mothers and FMILs…. I’m cool as a cucumber and just plain excited. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When I get stressed out with wedding planning my fiance tells me to relax and that everything has been perfect so far-invitations, decorations, favors-so I don’t need to worry.  The crazy thing is that everything is going so well becuase I am super organized and work my butt off.  I wonder if I did just “relax”, would he do the rest of the wedding planning??? tempting

Post # 15
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@PermaStudent:  Haahaa…. it is pretty sad, they have nothing better to do…lol  I am now at the point where I am just polite and say thanks for the advice.  Good luck!

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