Don't think I can do this anymore

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

msmeow85 :  Just being real, but fertility can decline sharply in 30s and risks increase as well. I’m about to turn 33 and getting married in 2 weeks and even with those things “checked,” I’m still anxious about TTC. You still have time, but the time is basically now.

Sorry, but this isn’t helping. I am sure OP knows very well what the situation is like, she doesn’t need to be reminded (I am also 35 and single so I am fully aware of the pressure, but what is one to do? Just grab the first guy I bump into in the street in desperation to get pregnant because my time is running out?!).

OP is now dealing with the huge disappointment of a failed relationship and is probably preparing for an exit which is going to change her life significantly and she’s going to start over again. On top of having to deal with upcoming break up sadness etc, she doesn’t need to hear that she’s basically going to miss the boat unless she acts quickly. Nobody decides to waste their fertility until it’s almost too late, it’s just that life sometimes turns out to be trickier than we thought and saying to someone in their mid 30’s that they’re potentially going to face fertility issues is not something that would need to be mentioned. We’re all aware of this, no need to add insult to injury please. 

Post # 32
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Time to walk. I know it’s hard because you have put in good fertile years, but you still have time if a child and marriage is what you want. It’s not with this dude though. Wish him well and bounce! 

Post # 33
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee

The sooner you go, the sooner you can start your new life on your terms rather than his. Good luck.

Post # 34
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

londongeocity :  I think that harsh reality is always preferable to a lie that is easy to swallow. Those are biological facts. Of course it sucks, but OP deserves better than this guy. 

Post # 35
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

chaundral25 :  he needs to shit or get off the pot.  And he’s not doing it, so you have to make your move. Look for a new apartment and move out, and break up with him. He’s not going to get it together. He has plenty of time and you’ve talked to him and you’re not being unreasonable. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. That works for some people, but from reading your post here, it doesn’t work for YOU. And that’s what matters. 

Good luck Bee. 

Post # 37
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Good luck with your new life bee.  I’m sure you’ll find a great guy who values you and is ready to be a dad.  That housekeeping comment seems like your soon to be ex was daring you to break up with him.  I mean seriously,  that’s insane.  You still have time to have kids, so don’t freak out about it.  I met my husband when I was 34 and we married when I was 36 and are currently pregnant,  although my baby won’t be born until I’m 37. I have a good friend who had both of hers after 40. And another friend who had hers at 36 and 38. Lots of people have geriatric pregnancies(yes I still laugh about my doctor calling it that. )

Post # 38
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

chaundral25 :  hi bee, just wanted to send hugs and hope. 2 years ago, almost to the day, I walked out on my marriage as he was stuffing about on the kids issue (amongst other things). I still loved him and it was awful, but I couldn’t even bring up the topic without him getting angry or upset.

i realised I might miss out on my dream if I stayed (I was 33 with low egg reserve) and I decided no man was worth that. I was very prepared to have a baby on my own. 

I went overseas for a month straight after, did some soul searching, found a gorgeous flat to live in when I got back, and 3 weeks later I met my partner. I am expecting our baby boy in 8 weeks. 

My story might seem a bit crazy and rushed but I am so content. We did get off to a shaky start as I really should have had more time to myself after ending my marriage, but thank goodness he stuck around despite my crazy, and all’s well that ends well! 

Whilst sometimes I reflect on my marriage with sadness, I am incredibly glad that I left. I’m incredibly glad that I didn’t have children with someone who was lacklustre about the idea. 

Everything will be ok. 

I had therapy prior to leaving my marriage, and the therapist wanted me to picture my ideal future. I wanted a family, and laughter and travel and to be able to be creative, and to spend time with my friends/family. She asked if I could see that future with my husband. I realised that I couldn’t. He’d become so anti-social that my family had started tiptoeing around us, and I hadn’t been creative in years as I was really quite sad. 

Its devastating to leave someone you love, so surround yourself with support. It’s also exciting to embark on a new adventure….my ex husband was allergic to prawns. The first thing I did in my beautiful new flat was open a nice bottle of white wine and cook me up a crazy batch of prawns! 

Xxxxx

Post # 39
Member
10955 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

chaundral25 :  

Grownups do not run to their rooms and hide to avoid adult conversations.   That behavior tells you everything you need to know about your stbx.

Yes, you want to have children, but with this guy?  Yuck.  What a crappy role model.

You can do much, much better, Bee.

Post # 40
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

hugs and support to you bee. you have a hard journey coming up.

Post # 41
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry you are dealing with this. But glad it sounds like you have the guts to leave something that isn’t what you need. I have read so many similar stories on here and these are the facts I have read in all of them. Once you can spot them they make so much sense and show the guy isn’t interested in marriage. 

– Anger upon talking about marriage and or kids. 

People don’t get angry or upset about talking about things they want to do or are excited to do, even if it isn’t going to happen for another few months or a year down the road. If a guy responds with anger or refuses to talk about a future with you it is the biggest red flag. An adult conversation about the future with someone you love and see a real future with isn’t an angry conversation it is an exciting, loving conversation. 

– Man saying he feels pressured. 

People don’t feel pressured to do something they agreed to do. If at work I agreed that I would complete a project for my boss and then my boss asked for the completed work I woudln’t reply to him and get angry and say i felt pressured. I agreed to do something of my own free will, I don’t then get to be angry about it later and say I was pressured. People are their word. He told you he would have kids with you, all you were doing is expecting him to hold to his word. 

– Using your faults as excuses to not commit

Just wanted to say this is abuse pure and simple. He knew who you were all along, he knew what kind of person he was getting. He doesn’t get to attack your character, and undermine you to make you feel bad about yourself and use that as a reason you aren’t good enough for him to marry yet. He is awful. I can’t imagine doing that to someone. I also think we bees need to add this to our excuses not to marry list for guys bc this is a new one! We hear guys making excuses by saying a list of things they need to accomplish before they can commit. But this is new for a guy to be saying things the woman needs to do before he can commit. Laughable. 

 

You are dodging a bullet with this guy. He isn’t a partner he is a selfish person who would be awful to have a family with. You would end up doing all the work. You can do so much better bee. Good luck! 

Post # 43
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

chaundral25 :  What is wrong with some people? After 6 years and all those excuses….. He’s a jackass. I’m so sorry. It may be hard for a while but you are on to bigger and better things. Good for you for not settling. You deserve more. Best wishes as you move on to the next chapter in your life. 

Post # 44
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

chaundral25 :  what an arsehole. You can do SO much better than him. Hugs to you, as it will be hard leaving despite knowing it’s the best thing to do. 

Post # 45
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

 im sorry Bee ): …but you’ll be SOOOooo much happier without him!! You’ll see (: there’s someone amazing out there looking for you RIGHT. NOW.

keep us updated!!

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