Don't throw me a party I won't enjoy

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SarahCF:  I agree with you… the bachelorette is to celebrate YOU, not the ones throwing the party. Do you know who is “planning” it… I would just reiterate, “I really do not enjoy drinking, please just remember that”.

Post # 4
3376 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You and I are completely alike in this aspect of life. I hate drinking, can’t stand it. DH is 26 and has never touched alcohol in his life, and I will drink MAYBE 1 Mike’s hard Lemonade a year. That’s the extent of my alcoholic endeavors. I also hate clubs, dancing, large parties with huge groups of people. I guess I’m just lame that way. 

Any who, I would send your girls a mass email. It’s great that they want to throw you a bachelorette, but you’re totally right in that it needs to be something that you will enjoy! Shoot out a mass email to all of the girls saying, “Ladies, I love you all but I just don’t want a traditional bachelorette. Wedding planning has been SO stressful I really want to just go have a nice day at the spa and spend time with you all.” or something to that effect, and then send some links to a few places that you looked at to give them an idea.

This is a pretty touchy subject because I totally understand that you don’t want to sound ungrateful, but these girls are your friends and they also won’t want to put you in a situation that they know you aren’t enjoying. 

Post # 5
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

We have a friend who doesn’t like to party, and instead of doing the whole “drinking and dancing all night” thing, we had a TOTAL pamper/spa type day. If you like things like manicures, massages, facials, etc., maybe try to subtly hint that this would be a better way to go. You will want to word it carefully to not sound ungrateful (which I can tell that’s not it! Just be gentle lol) because they are offering to throw a party, but as good friends they would really try to think about YOU and not just what they want. But like I said, if you like pampering that could be a good direction because I feel like a lot of women like that activity too! It’s a nice common ground that could be shared? I could be totally wrong, but I just wanted to throw it out there as a thought!

Post # 6
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@SarahCF:  It’s not.  A bachelorette party should be thrown with the guest of honor in mind.  Which, for you, would not be a traditional party.  I think the PP’s idea of a spa day would be wonderful and something that I think most women would enjoy.  These women are important to you.  You’re important to them.  I’d just throw out some suggestions of things you’d like to do and politely reiterate that you do not want a drinking/dancing/bar hopping kind of night and prefer something else.  Anyone who cares about you is not going to force you to have a crummy time.

Post # 7
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@SarahCF:  You should be able to have a bachelorette party that is about you and what you like to do. I’m more than likely going to have a spa day with my favorite girls, because my MOH asked what I wanted to do. It drives me nuts when girls plan a crazy bachelorette party for someone who doesn’t enjoy those types of things. Can you pull aside one of the girls planning it and explain to them again why you don’t want a party like that? Surely they would understand …

Post # 9
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You are right…

A Bachelorette Party can be a myriad of things…

Sadly the one definition of… a Night / Weekend of Drinking & Partying (aka Debauchery) is what most young people associate the words Bachelorette or Bachelor Party with.

Hence… the “you must have 2 heads” looks.

But it could just as easily be a day-time event .. (lunch, trip to the spa, sporting activity).. it really only becomes a “Bachelorette” strickly because some one decides to name it that.

OR it could be a Girls Weekend Away with BFFs (with or without the alcohol aspect)

Tell your GFs what it is you’d like to see… and hopefully someone will step up to the plate and organize it.

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

I hate when people use “throwing you a party” to do things THEY want to do. I have a friend who offers to throw me a birthday party every year but wants it to be club hopping. Yeah, remember how I haven’t gone clubbing with you for like 4 years now? Why would I want to go for my birthday?

There are a million fun things you could do. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say “Please don’t throw me a party I won’t enjoy.”

Post # 11
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oh, my God, we’re twins.  Seriously.  Everything you said, I agree with.  I haven’t assembled my bridesmaids yet, but when I do, I’m actually going to make it part of my “will you be my BM/MOH” speech that I neither expect nor particularly want a typical bachelorette party.  As a matter of fact, I’m planning on taking over the plans myself and just taking my girls out to a really nice dinner to thank them for helping me and standing up in my wedding.  That way they still get to dress up and have a drink or two, but it’ll be so much more relaxed.  

I know a lot of people will say to step back and let them do the planning, trusting that they know you well enough to plan something you’d actually enjoy, but the control freak in me finds this very disconcerting.  Just be up-front about your likes and dislikes and give ’em a whole list of the awesome daytime things you can do.  I, personally, would love this sort of concrete direction if I were planning a party for somebody else. 

Post # 12
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You sound just like me! It sounds like we’d be best friends IRL, LOL. 

I definitely think they should respect your wishes and not make you feel like you’re weird. I have people do that to me all the time and I’m just like, hey, I don’t make a big deal or think you’re weird for drinking, why judge me? 

I wish there were more people like us, then people wouldn’t think we’re weird. 

Post # 13
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My MOH said she’d throw me a bachelorette party. Then she said it would be a nice dinner out and maybe a bottle of wine shared around the table.  I was so happy she thought about what I would like rather than clubs and bars 🙂 I hope your girls realize what you would really like once they get over the shock that your definition of bachelorette party isn’t the same as theirs.

Post # 14
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I swear this post could have been written by me.  I’m not much of a drinker, if at all, and my FH doesn’t drink either.  I’m also not a big dancer and don’t like most popular music.  So, much like you, I don’t want a traditional bachelorette party.

When my bridesmaids and I went out to pick out bridesmaid dresses, we had a good chat at lunch about wedding activities such as the bridal shower and possibly a bachelorette party.  One my bridesmaids is in AA, so bar hopping was out of the question.  I suggested some ideas we would all enjoy, including a spa day, painting pottery, cooking class, going out for an over-the-top dinner, etc.  While explaining what I would prefer (without explaining to the other bridesmaids about my friend in recovery), I just reminded them that I want to use this bachelorette party as a ‘girl’s day out’, where we can bond with one another and enjoy each other’s company.  The girls agreed, and apparently came up with a fun idea when I ran off to use the bathroom.

I would email the bridal party or call the MOH and explain how you want your bachelorette party to be more of a celebration of your relationship with one another, not a ‘last hoorah as a single lady’.   Also suggest some alternative things you ladies could enjoy together.

Post # 15
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think they’ll come  around!

Post # 16
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are 100% within your rights to have a bachelorette that aligns with your preferences!

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