(Closed) Don't understand …got new ring and they are saying it looks too big

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 91
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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caligirl0011:  while i understand your point and it was eloquently made, and you weren’t being rude, which i appreciate. 🙂 you also totally validated what i was saying. if a person doesn’t like someone’s small ring it’s judgemental and rude. however, if it’s a big ring that isn’t liked… well, there are “valid” reasons to make negative comments about it. 

i do COMPLETELY agree with you that no matter what, negative comments are rude! why would you want to hurt another woman’s feelings over something that holds SO MUCH MEANING to her? and i too try to say nothing if i really cannot muster up something nice to say. women are so harsh on eachother! it’s a woman eat woman world out there haha  

my point was more that on weddingbee (and as the OP proved, apparently in real life too) there seems to be an “unwritten rule” that it’s okay to make negative statements about a person’s large diamond/ring (gaudy, too much, not your taste, a poor quality diamond… etc.) but it’s defintiely NOT okay to comment that a ring is too small for your taste or anything remotely negative… & i hate that! 


Post # 92
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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ashleearielle:  yeah I agree! Whether the ring is too big or small, keep negative comments to yourself! 

I love them all so I guess I don’t have that problem ha ha 

Post # 93
1771 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s gorgeous and as long as YOU love it, that’s all that matters!  Some people might not like it and they could be jealous, envious, or it’s just not their thing…don’t worry about them.  As long as it’s perfect for you, then it’s all good!  I have seen lots of rings that I don’t like on others, but I’d never say anything as it’s rude to say anything negative about someone’s ring to their face.  Just because something is not my style doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful to someone else. But with that said, your ring really is gorgeous!  🙂

Post # 95
2342 posts
Buzzing bee

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Inlove2001:  People are just rude sometimes. I’d never say that to anyone regardless of their ring size or style or whatever.

However, since you did ask for opinions, I’m not totally surprised people have commented on the size. Diamonds, like it or not, are a status symbol in our culture (I say that as someone with a diamond e-ring). So when you make the choice to have a very visible status symbol that is significantly larger (and therefore more expensive) than most people I think it’s only natural that you’re going to get some comments. 

It’s kind of like dropping major money on a sports car and then being surprised that people comment on the fact that you have an expensive car, or buying a 4,000 square foot house and being surprised that people think you have a big house. Part of the purchase of most luxury goods is intrinsically that other people will see it. When it’s a purchase that’s really easy to evaluate in cost by looking at it (i.e. obviously a 3 carat stone is more expensive than a .2 carat stone) I think it only exacerbates the effect. 

My ring, for example is much smaller than the average for where I live (nyc) and so I get comments on the other end of the spectrum. People think it means I don’t have money or that my Fiance didn’t spend enough. Sometimes I won’t get a comment but when people look at it they’re just like, “oh” because it’s small. It almost seems like they feel bad for me. I’m not at all surprised by this reaction. In reality our net worth is much higher than most of our peers (despite the fact that we have a lower income than they do) specifically because we choose to save/invest money instead of spend it on stuff. 

I know that a 3 carat ring might be on the finger of someone who is deeply in debt and a plain silver band could adorn the hand of a billionaire, but in general people take wealth at face value. So “wow that’s a big ring” IMO really means, “wow that must have been really expensive”. 

Post # 96
4232 posts
Honey bee

I agree with swonderful. People can say (or post) silly things. We open ourselves up to comments in some ways, and other times the comment is just plain inappropriate altogether.

Why aren’t you married? (NYOB.) When will you have/adopt kids? (NOYB.) Why do you avoid alcoholic beverages? (NYOB.) Why don’t you own your home? (NOYB.) Why do you wear *that* jewelry? (NOYB.)  Why don’t you wear *those* clothes? (NOYB.) Why not try for *that* job? (NOYB.) As the saying goes, “if I only had a nickel” for every silly little thing I’ve heard in my lifetime. 


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