Post # 1
My dream wedding has always been to only have family in my wedding party. I chose my fiance’s sisters and my sisters as bridesmaids and didn’t ask any friends. My best friend cornered me one night and started crying about how I didn’t even ask her to be a bridesmaid, and I asked her to be one because I felt sorry for her. Then we stopped being friends for a couple of months, and now we are friends again- but I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid. I’m not sure whether or not she still thinks she’s a bridesmaid after our last falling out. I don’t want her to be one, but I don’t know how to approach the subject. I’m afraid I’ll piss her off and we won’t be friends again. What should I do?
Post # 3
@abmattwedding: You have every right to have who you want in your wedding party. The fact you two had a falling out show how shaky the relationship is. I would call her and say you need to clarify something. You still love her and cherish her as a friend BUT you’ve decided to only have family in the wedding. How she reacts shows her respect for you. My BFF chose another person to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and I was hurt but respect her wishes and was a faithful bridesmaid.
Ignoring it won’t help because soon she will start askig about dresses and shoes.
Post # 4
You just need to get the courage and tell her that it is family only. You will regret it if you don’t and don’t cave by telling her she is one when you don’t want her in the wedding. If she decides not to be friends with you, that’s her loss. Just be nice about it but make sure she knows that she is not included.
Post # 5
To be honest, I think its rude when people ask to be in the wedding party. Tell her you only want family, but she is invited to the wedding as a guest. If shes a good friend, she’ll understand.
Post # 6
I Agree with the above, you need to talk to her. My oldest friend is getting married next month and I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, I was kind of disappointed as it was something we had always talked about. But in the end I am just happy for her.
At the hen party I found it hard watching the girl she did ask to be bridesmaid, but she is a lovley girl and I couldn’t really be jealous. In the end the bride mentioned something to me about it when we were outside form everyone else. She told em she had been agonising over whether or not to have me or the other girl bt as I lived so far awyas now it wasn’t going to be practical and she could only afford 1 bridesmaid and 1 flower girl. I was touched that she had considered me, and fully respect her decision. I love her to bits and I know the other girl will do a wonderful job!
Talk to her, if she is a true friend then she will understand.
Post # 7
If you’re best friends why wouldn’t you want to share those bridal moments with her?
Post # 8
@knight.keira: because she has always wanted family.
OP: I think you should tell her as soon as possible that you want it to be family only. She probably still thinks she is a bridesmaid since you never told her she wasn’t one anymore I am assuming. But then again it’s normally bad form to ask someone to be your bridesmaid then drop them. But if you have always wanted family only she should respect your decision.
Post # 9
@Jacqui90: Yes I know that, but what if fiance’s sister treated her like crap would she still have choosen her? I have never heard not wanting a best friend to be in a wedding. That’s all.
I understood that she wanted a family thing.
Post # 10
@abmattwedding: I think you need to talk to her and tell her why you didn’t ask her initially etc
Post # 11
@knight.keira: Aside from wanting an all family wedding party: We used to be best friends, but she hasn’t been such a great friend to me for a while now. We’ve been friends off and on for years. She’s unreliable and can be controlling- I don’t want her trying to plan my wedding for me and I don’t know if we will even be friends next month or the month after because of how she is.
Post # 12
I also think it is rude when people don’t understand the bride and grooms choices for their wedding party. We are doing the opposite…NO family. This is because my sisters do not want to stand and want to buy really nice dresses and stand out in a way. But either way, you should tell her in a nice way and explain to her why you didnt ask in the first place. Big girls should be able to understand that.
Post # 13
I’m just gonna say follow your heart on it. I think the best course is to say you just want family in the wedding and leave it at that.
I can understand it from your friends side. You talk about these things growing up (all relationships have rocky spots) and then its stripped away and it hurts. My friend is getting married and chose her sister as her matron of honor and says I’m the maid of honor. In reality, I’m pretty much a bridesmaid with a title. All the ‘honored’ things the Maid/Matron of Honor does (standing next to bride, holding bouquet, signing license etc) are going to her sister while I get to play “free wedding planner.” Its crushing. It does not help when my sister is too young (8 now) to be truely a Maid/Matron of Honor (hell she’d probably rather be a flower girl lol) when I am married and this friend automatically assumes that she’ll be standing next to me. Not to mention she always says we’re practically sisters. But I now know that those are only words.
Post # 14
Why doesn’t the “best friend” know your dream of only wanting family in the wedding? Seems that is something y’all might have already just discussed in conversation before the engagement or guy even came along.