(Closed) Don’t want a close friend to be a bridesmaid. Help!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@abmattwedding:  You have every right to have who you want in your wedding party. The fact you two had a falling out show how shaky the relationship is. I would call her and say you need to clarify something. You still love her and cherish her as a friend BUT you’ve decided to only have family in the wedding. How she reacts shows her respect for you. My BFF chose another person to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and I was hurt but respect her wishes and was a faithful bridesmaid.

Ignoring it won’t help because soon she will start askig about dresses and shoes.

Post # 4
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You just need to get the courage and tell her that it is family only. You will regret it if you don’t and don’t cave by telling her she is one when you don’t want her in the wedding. If she decides not to be friends with you, that’s her loss. Just be nice about it but make sure she knows that she is not included. 

Post # 5
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To be honest, I think its rude when people ask to be in the wedding party. Tell her you only want family, but she is invited to the wedding as a guest. If shes a good friend, she’ll understand.

Post # 6
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I Agree with the above, you need to talk to her. My oldest friend is getting married next month and I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, I was kind of disappointed as it was something we had always talked about. But in the end I am just happy for her.

At the hen party I found it hard watching the girl she did ask to be bridesmaid, but she is a lovley girl and I couldn’t really be jealous. In the end the bride mentioned something to me about it when we were outside form everyone else. She told em she had been agonising over whether or not to have me or the other girl bt as I lived so far awyas now it wasn’t going to be practical and she could only afford 1 bridesmaid and 1 flower girl. I was touched that she had considered me, and fully respect her decision. I love her to bits and I know the other girl will do a wonderful job!

Talk to her, if she is a true friend then she will understand.

xxx

Post # 7
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you’re best friends why wouldn’t you want to share those bridal moments with her?

Post # 8
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@knight.keira:  because she has always wanted family. 

 

OP: I think you should tell her as soon as possible that you want it to be family only. She probably still thinks she is a bridesmaid since you never told her she wasn’t one anymore I am assuming. But then again it’s normally bad form to ask someone to be your bridesmaid then drop them. But if you have always wanted family only she should respect your decision.

Post # 9
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Jacqui90:  Yes I know that, but what if fiance’s sister treated her like crap would she still have choosen her? I have never heard not wanting a best friend to be in a wedding. That’s all.

I understood that she wanted a family thing.

Post # 10
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

@abmattwedding:  I think you need to talk to her and tell her why you didn’t ask her initially etc

Post # 12
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I also think it is rude when people don’t understand the bride and grooms choices for their wedding party. We are doing the opposite…NO family. This is because my sisters do not want to stand and want to buy really nice dresses and stand out in a way. But either way, you should tell her in a nice way and explain to her why you didnt ask in the first place. Big girls should be able to understand that.

Post # 13
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m just gonna say follow your heart on it. I think the best course is to say you just want family in the wedding and leave it at that.

I can understand it from your friends side. You talk about these things growing up (all relationships have rocky spots) and then its stripped away and it hurts. My friend is getting married and chose her sister as her matron of honor and says I’m the maid of honor. In reality, I’m pretty much a bridesmaid with a title. All the ‘honored’ things the Maid/Matron of Honor does (standing next to bride, holding bouquet, signing license etc) are going to her sister while I get to play “free wedding planner.” Its crushing. It does not help when my sister is too young (8 now) to be truely a Maid/Matron of Honor (hell she’d probably rather be a flower girl lol) when I am married and this friend automatically assumes that she’ll be standing next to me. Not to mention she always says we’re practically sisters. But I now know that those are only words.

Post # 14
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Why doesn’t the “best friend” know your dream of only wanting family in the wedding? Seems that is something y’all might have already just discussed in conversation before the engagement or guy even came along.

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