Post # 1
Member
44 posts
Newbee
To start off: I have never been close to my father, he has always worked out of town, and when he was around, he was pretty bad. I am letting him walk me down the isle (it is truly not worth the fight (with him, my mom, my brother, etc.) and the years of holding it against me). I am dead set on not having a father/daughter dance, though. I am super uncomfortable with the idea of having to interact to him any more than I have to. Most of our guests know my issues with him so I dont think any one would be shocked, but I don’t want my fiance to have to miss out on a mother/son dance. Taking into consideration my relationship with my father, would it be totally odd to only have a mother/son dance. My fiance is extremely close with his mom, whom I adore! I just dont want it to be super weird (but again, you have to take into consideration my relationship with my father)
Post # 2
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
madilynnnne : if you have the special dance where he is all alone with his mom and you don’t have a special moment with your dad, it may be noticed.
However, you could just have him dance the special song with his mom not singled out, then it won’t be so obvious.
FWIW I didn’t want a one on one moment dancing with my dad either, but I knew it would crush him if he didn’t get to dance with me so I did it with the crowd of dancers and it was great. We danced to “what a wonderful world” a song he had sung to me many times as a little girl. Looking back I am so happy I chose that way, it was special to him but not so special for the whole wedding day.
Post # 3
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
No it wouldn’t be weird at all. Given your relationship with your father and how you said most people know to some extent, it would probably be odd to have a father daughter dance. Your fiancé should definitely have a mother son dance.
Im close to my dad but we have never danced and he doesn’t dance so it would have been awkward in that sense so I didn’t even mention a daughter father dance to him. No one missed it, the wedding went on and everything was a success.
Post # 4
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t think every wedding has a mother/son dance, so would your husband and his mother really feel akward if there wasn’t an official one announced? Could they just dance together without announcing it, which would take the spotlight away from the idea of a Father/Daughter dance? Or maybe the DJ could say “The mother of the groom has requested this song” and then your husband pops up to dance with her?
I didn’t want a father/daughter dance for similar reasons and told the DJ it was a no go. I ended up doing it on the spot because he asked for it. I was shocked and not expecting him to, he was on portable oxygen tank, but I obliged spontaneously. It ended up being for the best becuase I never saw him again, he passed away before my next visit.
Post # 5
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper
I say do what you want but please be sure you won’t regret not doing one.
Post # 6
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
I have never attended a wedding where there was just a mother/son dance, but I have attended weddings where there was just a father/daughter dance. At the most recent one, the groom and his mother are both incredibly shy and didn’t want all eyes on them (the groom struggled with the first dance as it was). My friend (the bride) went ahead with her father/daughter dance. I don’t really think anyone noticed – it never really occurred to me that there was no mother/son dance until the next day (and even then probably because I was also planning my own wedding at the time).
Post # 7
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
It would be totally fine to have just a mother/son dance, assuming your father is okay with having no father/daughter dance. If he really wants a father/daughter dance, then I think you should not do either dance. Having the mother/son dance would be rubbing it in his face, and would cause a lot of hard feelings and potentially also cause a scene.
Even if you do not do a father/daughter dance, be prepared for the fact that your father will likely ask to dance with you at some point during your wedding. You may want to make a plan about what you would do. If you dislike him to the point where you might refuse, you may want to reconsider having him there at all.
Post # 8
Member
2806 posts
Sugar bee
I also do not have a good relationship with my father. I did not want him to walk me down the aisle. I did not want to have a father/daughter dance. However, my Fiance has a good relationship with his mom, so he wanted that mother/son dance. I’ll be dancing with my father (though at the same time he dances with his mother, so it’s less awkward for me). I won’t enjoy it, but I’ll do it for Fiance. We also chose a super short song, so as not to prolong it.
Post # 9
Member
22 posts
Newbee
madilynnnne :
If you are feeling that you don’t want to have the father daughter dance then don’t. I too have a challenging relationship with my father. My mother, who is divorced from him, strongly encouraged me to allow him to walk me down the aisle and dance. I obliged and now regret that I had. We stopped talking nearly a week after the wedding, over me saying that my husband comes first, aside from God. He maniuplated the situation all the way up to the wedding so that he wouldn’t be embarrased that I chose not to include him. Before the ceremony ramped up, he solicited one of my friends to ask when the dance would be occuring. He left after dinner and didn’t say goodbye. So if you are not into it don’t do it….But congratulations, have a wonderful ceremony and enjoy your life.
Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee
charsettb : Thank you! I am sorry he was like that. Not fair for anyone to go through that.
Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee
madilynnnne : Thank you! Honestly, I labored over the decision for months. At the end of the day, our wedding was beautiful and we were surrounded by an amazing amount of love. After the entire experience, I realized that it should be about what you want and feel is right for you. I felt uncomfortable dancing with him and our coordinator had the queue for others to join. I hope you wedding is amazing and whatever your decision you are happy. At the end of the day that is all it is about, celebration of your love and union. Hope I didn’t sound to negative in my first post!
Post # 12
Member
8143 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I’d probably just skip both and have your Fiance dance with his mom during the dancing portion.
You shouldnt have to dance with him if you dont want to (and no, you’ll probably NOT regret it, ignore those posts) but it will likely draw attention to the fact that you aren’t donig a dance with him. If that bothers you/your family or whatever, just be aware people will notice.
Post # 13
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
both DH and my father’s have passed away. i did a fast dance with my mom and DH skipped the dance with his mom as he didn’t want to do it. no one cared or questioned our choice. do what works for you.
Post # 14
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
I didn’t do a father/daughter dance at my wedding and I don’t regret it. I think it’s nice if it’s important to you, but definitely not a necessity or something that guests will notice if not there. I can understand how you feel though, since your Fiance wants a mother/son dance. I honestly don’t think it’s a big deal if it’s something he wants to do.