Post # 1
i’m newly engaged so have just recently begun thinking about weddings and what i would like. i’ve never been one to think about getting married or weddings before, it wasn’t something i ever thought i would do. however, things have changed and now i find myself facing the wedding machine.
i do not want any parties, no engagement party, no showers, no bachelorette party, no rehearsal dinner, no dance after the ceremony, no brunch the day after to open gifts etc ….
is this incredibly tacky and rude of me to not want any of these things?
what is the best way to turn down offers from people to host these things?
Post # 3
I didn’t have any of those. A group of colleagues took us out for a nice, calm dinner, and that was it.
What helped, is that we chose to have no bridal party. Usually, it’s their role to organize these parties. People were, I guess expecting parties for us, but no one organized them so it didn’t happen.
If you do have a bridal party, you can tell them that you prefer to celebrate only the ceremony and a quiet reception after, and that this is your vision – their role is to help you achieve that.
Post # 4
Given what you say above, have you considered eloping? Or having a very intimate and at-home sort of celebration with just close friends and family? Mrs. Maryjane did something like this, and it was lovely.
Post # 5
I would have to say it’s not tacky or rude only because I was the exact same way when planning my wedding. The one thing I learned from planning was that you will never make everyone happy and weddings can bring out the ugly side of people. So you may receive some backlash about saying no thanks to any of the traditional wedding related events.
My husband and I felt very strongly about only doing things we wanted. Your wedding is the one time you can really get away with being selfish. 😉
We did not have any engagement parties, no bridal showers, no registries, we asked our families to let families and friends know we did not want any gifts (even though we still got plenty), we didn’t have any bachelor/bachelorette parties, no rehearsal dinner, and our wedding consisted of 21 guests – short ceremony with dinner following – no dancing (not really our thing, but a good meal with close friends and family was ideal). Looking back, we both agree we wouldn’t have done anything differently. We loved it! Everyone else seems to have the same cookie-cutter wedding so it was fun to do something different and break the mold. We did get a lot of disappointed reactions to our plans, but whatever. It was our day, not theirs.
Good luck with your planning. Just let those closest to you know that you and your future husband are not comfortable with certain things. My parents were very supportive of us doing things differently. My Mother-In-Law not so much, but we just kept saying “no” very nicely. We were pretty much a broken record for 10 months, but it all worked out in the end.
Post # 6
Thank you all for the comments. it’s nice to know that i’m not the only one who doesn’t/didn’t want a “traditional” wedding and all the hooplah that goes along with it.
i’ve always had a problem with traditions, i’m not sentimental and find blindly following traditions to be very difficult. i always want to know the meaning and reason behind a tradition and in researching wedding traditions i’ve found almost all of them to either be offensive to me or not resonate with me at all.
i will stick to my guns and make sure that our wedding day represents me and my future husband and not feel guilty for doing so. 🙂
Post # 7
I’m the exact same way, except I want a rehersal dinner/ welcome party for our out of town guests. No showers, DEFININTELY not a bachelorette (ugh…)… maybe just a dinner with my friends at the absolute MOST. But nothing crazy or wild. I’m just not that person, I’m not the biggest fan of having events thrown for me (what if no one shows up?!) and generally just anti-hoopla! I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with that.