Post # 1
So I have a friend, my closest and best friend actually, and she is planning a bachelorette party and a bridal party for me supposedly. But I don’t want one! Well, I wouldn’t mind having a good evening with the girls (all two of them) doing something but as long as it’s not at the bar and not alcohol based since that’s just not my thing. She said it’s not really up to me and it’s a surprise and I should be happy I have friends who want to do this for me. Really? So my input as to what I’m comfortable with isn’t wanted or going to be considered? I’m sorry, but I just don’t know what to say or do. I swear, if they try and take me to a bar, put a stupid veil on my head with little plastic penises glued to it and expect me to have a great time then they are really wrong. I know that’s what is considered a normal party but I’m just not a party girl and I’m really worried.
Then the topic of a bridal shower….honestly, I think they are a little stupid. The dorky games, the awkwardness, and most people don’t even like to go to them! Plus, I don’t really have anyone who can come. It would be my mom, my sister, my friend, her friend I know somewhat who is helping to also plan the bachelorette party and my FI’s mom. That’s it. None of my family will drive the five hours to attend one—that much I know because they didn’t for my sister.
I know this sounds like I’m complaining and a party pooper—but it’s just not my kind of fun. My kind of fun? Maybe go see a fun girly movie and then we can all go to dinner at a fun place? That’s my kind of thing. I’m sure it’s not most but that’s what I would want.
So, what do I do?
Post # 3
My friend is handling my bachelorette party (my sister is Maid/Matron of Honor and she just turned 18…). Anyways, I do NOT like the idea of having a “traditional” bachelorette party, so we agreed that we would just got out and have dinner at a nice restaurant, some wine, etc. She said she wouldn’t even call it a bachelorette party, just a “get together” so people didn’t get the idea that there would be a tiara on my head or penises or whatever else.
I would let your friend know that you aren’t comfortable with a “traditional” bachelorette party and that you want to have fun with everyone, so you need to have a bit of input. (I don’t like surprises though!) Maybe offer a few suggestions about a restaurant, or a girls night in or something you are comfortable with.
Post # 4
Well I told my friends that I’m over the bar scene thing and that I just wanted to hang out with my girlfriends drinking a nice glass of wine. So we are having a lingerie shower at my friends house and then just going to hang out at her place. Some of my friends are trying to convince me otherwise but I just keep telling my Maid/Matron of Honor and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man that’s hosting that I’m not up for all that.
I would just be sure to let them know you aren’t end to going out to a bar. Maybe suggest doing a spa day together. Then they’ll get the idea of your good time.
As for the shower they don’t have to be about playing stupid games. We just hosted a shower for my cousin and had it at a local Mexican Resturant and told all the guests that we would buy the first margarita and then it was on their own. Since it was in a resturant we ate/drank and opened up gifts. No silly games and no awkward gifts because no one wanted to give those in a resturant.
Hope that gives you some ideas.
Post # 5
My family has a new tradition of everyone, men included, just hanging out and having dinner. We’ll talk for hours and at some point open presents, but that’s it. There’s no pressure or stupid games (I’m entirely with you on this and am scared my sisters are going to plan a shower with games since they live out of town and haven’t been around for the new tradition).
For the bach party, I’m letting my BMs plan this. I’m just dropping hints of what I want to do and have made it clear that there will be no penis on my head or anywhere else.
Post # 6
how well does your friend know you? hopefully she knows you well enough to be able to plan something that’s “you.” i actually got two bachelorette parties, like you i’m not into the bar/drinking scene, so my bridal party (sister and sil) took me to vermont for a weekend where we did a food tour, apple picking, played in the leaves, ate maple syrup, etc. and at home my friends took me to make jewelry and we had a game night. non of which i had imput on, but they know me and know that i don’t drink, or stay out past 9:00 pm. and for the shower, i also think their stupid and have voiced that to my sister and sil in the past when we attended them together, so they knew no games. it was just a nice brunch where i happened to get a lot of presents.
Post # 7
This is a sticky subject because you should be gracious to accept whatever party they want to throw you, but they also should care enough about your feelings not to put you up to something you really don’t want to do.
I would do some subtle hinting for now and then just go to the party. If they try to put a tiara on you or go to a bar, you can simply say no thanks at the time.
I guess I would give your friends the benefit of the doubt that they do know you and go from there.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies, I just don’t know if my friend really wants to hear me. When I mentioned, “Yahoo! But I hope it’s not at a bar, you know I don’t do that whole bit.” She responded with, “It’s not really your call and it’ll be a surprise.” Don’t you think she would have said to not worry and it won’t be like that at all but it’ll still be fun. This is why I think she is still planning a typical kind of party. I know I should be thankful someone is going to throw me a party, but I also feel like they may go against my wishes. I do appreciate my friend thinking of me, but I’m just very concerned.
Post # 9
Yeah, the whole “it’s your party, but I don’t care what you want to do” thing is not cool. I can’t imagine your BEST friend would plan something that you’d be uncomfortable with. Are there other bridesmaids you could talk into telling you what she’s planning, if she really won’t budge and tell you?
Post # 10
I’m not having a wedding party so I have no idea. The other problem, she is my only friend in the area. No one else. Who would come? Me and the other girl she is planning this thing with?
Post # 11
haha…I thought it was just me! I literally (as in 5 minutes ago) just CANCELLED my bachelorette party when I found out what it was! I said over and over and over…I did NOT want anything crazy and that IF there was going to be ANYTHING…it would be a nice dinner, some wine and good convo…..I find out that its at some place with tranvestites dressed up in dresses and lipstick putting on some stupid show! ughhh…..I rather do nothing! OK..just vented to a bunch of strangers.