don’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore :(

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with @Skunktastic about stepping down, but at least have the maturity to be honest- you are stepping down because you no longer want to do it. Don’t try and spin it like she’s forcing you out or turn it around and make it her fault. 

 

It’s pretty clear you aren’t interested in staying close with her, don’t want to be in her wedding, but you also don’t want to look like a jerk so you’re trying to rationalize it. Be an adult, and accept the consequences.

Post # 32
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

If you pull out of this wedding your friendships with these girls are over. So make your choice accordingly. 

Post # 33
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee

You guys are all pretty young, like in your 20s, right? This is what happens when people don’t have mature conversations. You got a new boyfriend, it had a hand in causing you to change, these girls saw the change AND noticed you pulling away, they got pissy and blamed it on the boyfriend, and not one of you girls have spoken to each other about any of it. 

And so here you are in a pickle. 

When people are your friends–and I do mean FRIENDS–then even if they like to party, they also enjoy being around you for OTHER reasons. Getting coffee together or a glass of wine at a low-key establishment and chatting one-on-one is still something friends do when one of them has pulled away from the party scene. If you aren’t doing these things, then your friendship was fairly shallow to begin with. If you really feel that it wasn’t, then reach out to them individually and begin crafting a new type of friendship with them. 

Post # 34
Member
6566 posts
Bee Keeper

skunktastic :   eggnoodles :  +2

I dont see why everyone is saying that she should “stick to her commitment” – this isn’t a job or assignment that needs to be completed. This is supporting a friend, and if you are no longer their friend, why would you stand up and pretend to? There is no point.

OP, if you don’t want to be in the wedding – regardless of the reason – call up the bride ASAP and let her know. Be gracious, step down and move on with your life. 

Post # 35
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

You don’t want to be a bridesmaid. No matter what the reason is, we know that’s true, and that’s all that matters. It’s fine that you don’t want to be a bridesmaid, but you need to act now.

Call her as soon as you can and tell her you’re out. This way, you’ll be doing what feels best for you and she won’t have someone who doesn’t want to be in the wedding standing with her at the altar. It’s what’s best for everyone even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Post # 36
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Ok. Do you like and want to support the bride? If yes, reach out to her, and put up with the other bridesmaids for another three months after which you never have to see them again. If you no longer want to support the bride, then step down as kindly as you can and don’t be friends going forward.  

Post # 37
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Hired hall

Some of these comments seem unnecessarily harsh. It doesn’t have to be OP’s fault, or brides fault, or BF’s fault. Sometimes people just grow apart.

 

As it stands, OP- you made a conscious decision to step away from what you felt was a bad life route, so well done to you for that.

I asked a person to be my bridesmaid 2 years before my wedding, and in the two years leading up to the wedding, we grew apart. She stayed in my wedding party and I appreciated that, but at the same time it was awkward, we both knew the friendship wasn’t what it used to be, and we haven’t really talked since. But she’s in all my wedding photos. Really one of us should have had the guts to acknowledge that our friendship had faded, and that maybe she should have just been a guest, but we were both too polite. 

Reach out to the bride, go for coffee, see if you can reconnect. She may not be as wild as she used to now either. If it becomes obvious your friendship has come to an end, talk to her about it. You are not obliged to be a bridesmaid if you don’t want to, and you aren’t doing her any favours by being in her wedding only to disappear after. Be courteous but honest. 

Post # 38
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

Some of the comments got really long winded and full of assunptions, so i stopped reading. but apologies if its been said.

Just apologise and step down? She has 3 months. and hasnt reached out either so meh

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