(Closed) DON’T want to be in a wedding…???

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If it’s a good friend, I’d just be in the wedding.  As much as I might enjoy being a guest more, my friend needing me to stand up for her would be more important than my own feelings.  If it wasn’t a close friend, or I had a really good reason to not participate, I’d just explain the situation, and hope the friend understood.  For me, though,  I think that telling a close friend I won’t be in their wedding would be a pretty big burn.

Post # 4
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m afraid I agree with PP.  If your friend asked you, it would certainly mean a lot to her to have you by her side.  It’s for her you’d be doing this, not for yourself.  Just food for thought.

Post # 5
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with the PPs that if you decline, you are almost certain to hurt the bride’s feelings.  Doubly so if some of the weddings you have been in were those of people who are mutual friends with you and this bride-to-be.

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think people don’t normally say no when asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so you could hurt your friend’s feelings. But I don’t see why you should have to a be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if you don’t want to. Just tell her that you are honored to be asked, but you would be unable to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her wedding. She should understand that you are burned out after being in so many weddings and having your own. 

Post # 7
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@msfahrenheit:  She should understand that you are burned out after being in so many weddings and having your own. 


I don’t think “being burned out” counts as a legtimate excuse when this particular wedding is about 11 months away, and the OP was married more than a year ago.  LOL!


Post # 8
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Being in a wedding isn’t jury duty, so I’m not sure why OP needs to have a “legitimate excuse” to do it when she doesn’t want to. It’s nice that her friend wants her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I don’t see how being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is the only way to show support. 

Post # 9
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Hmmm… I’m going to disagree. As a bride, I would rather my friend tell me up front that she isn’t able (for whatever reason) to commit herself to being a bridesmaid. The alternative is a resentful friend who is not going to be much help and it may end up hurting the relationship more.

However I’m a pretty low-key bride and only have one maid because I didn’t want to burden my friends, so I may be more ammenable to hearing no than someone else.

Post # 10
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

well…if i were in so many weddings I would have the same feeling as you. It’s really awkward to tell her if she is your closest and best friend and you have to be her bm. If you are not close friends, tell her you want to be a guest other than her bm frankly.

Post # 11
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Miss Red Velvet: I also don’t like being in weddings and I have declined every offer. I have a really good friend that would not take no for an answer. I did not want to be in her wedding and I would have enjoyed it more as a guest but she literally begged me. I don’t regret it but I will never do it again. If you feel that strong about it, be honest and tell her you decline. However, you will be glad to be there for her to help during the planning.

Post # 12
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is not something you do for yourself.  It is something you are doing for your friend.  being there and supporting her on one of the most important days of her life.  If she is a good friend, I would hope that her feelings trump the level of fun you may or may not have as just a guest.  

Post # 13
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my brother’s wedding. I said no, because I hate bridesmaids  dresses. He didn’t really care, neither did my SIL. I still helped out when I could, though.

Post # 14
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Meowkers: I don’t think its about the fun as a gueat rather than not really enjoying participating in weddings. The pictures, dresses, rehearsals blah blah blah. You can love the person, be a wonderful friend and not want to be in the wedding. I don’t think its a good thing to compromise your happiness to please others, especially if its not harming anyone. This is my personal view of weddings it may not reflect the feelings of the original poster.

Post # 15
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Soladylike: I think the OP specifically said that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding because she has more fun as just a guest.  I just don’t see that as an excuse.  Sometimes we have to put our loved ones’ needs above our own.  

Post # 16
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would just be honest with the bride. Tell her you are honored, value your friendshsip, but you really prefer to attend weddings as a guest. Let her know that if she needs help with anything you would be happy to help her. As long as it is clear that it isn’t just her wedding, it is all weddings, then I think it would go ok.

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