(Closed) Don't want to go to this bridal shower. Am I being a brat?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I go to this shower?
    Yes go! She's a great person and you'll hurt her feeling if you don't. : (11 votes)
    9 %
    No don't go. She'll understand due to the distance. : (61 votes)
    53 %
    Don't go but send a gift. : (42 votes)
    36 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    5837 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Does anyone else in your mutual group of friends have to drive that far as well? I’d consider going if it meant a road trip with a couple other people but I doubt I’d drive 2 hrs each way for a bridal shower.

    Post # 18
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’d go… all of my good friends are really spread out as well.  I know you don’t consider her a superclose friend, but regardless, if you feel bad about not attending then it’s probably a sign you should go.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Dont go. You don’t have to go to every single event you are invited to in your life. If she is so nice I’m sure she has lots of people coming. I would only want people who wanted to attend to attend my shower. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Two hours each way for a shower is a lot. I would decline and send a nice card, and maybe something small off her registry.

    Post # 22
    Member
    10452 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I wouldn’t go. I didn’t attend my guy friend’s fiancee’s shower when it was 3 hours away on a Sunday. Had it been here, sure. But we aren’t close enough to make that trip.

    Post # 23
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would say, don’t go, but send something small off her registry.  I wouldn’t have wanted people at my shower that drove 2 hours to be there that weren’t family or part of the wedding party

    Post # 24
    Member
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Of course it’s fine given the distance. On a side issue:

    @Meowkers:  ” I also feel guilty because I’ll only be going to one day out of her three day bachelorette party. (for which I’m also driving 200 miles round trip).”

    3 day bachelorette party? What is wrong with people? When you plan a 3 day b. party you’ve got to expect that most people can’t make the whole thing. I would never expect someone to travel 2 hours each way for my b. party. Because most people have this thing called “a life”. Don’t feel guilty in the least.

    Post # 25
    Member
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Unless it was a VERY close friend, I would not drive four hours round-trip for a bridal shower that was shorter than my drive time.

    Post # 26
    Member
    504 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Sorry- I’m a devil’s advocate. I am a bride to be who recently moved and all people coming to my bridal shower are coming from cross-country super close or not. They are coming not from just where I used to live but the East/West coast. I just think that if you enjoy the person,they are important enough to drop a couple hundred on their gift and they extended you one of their limited bridal party invites you should go. Unless you had a legit excuse not to, but as you noted- She didn’t go to my shower.  I don’t remember why and I’m not holding it against her at all.  It just makes it slightly easier to say no I guess.

     

    Also am I just from a weird area of the world where people have to tavel several hours for these events normally?

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    1415 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I invited everyone within driving distance to my shower, but i TOTALLY understood when those out of town couldn’t make it. It’s not like you’re choosing to go to the mall over her shower, it’s really far. I say you’re fine not to go, and send a gift only if you really want to and it comes from the heart. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I get so confused by these issues.  I’m the type of person who wouldn’t want to force someone to come to my shower when I know they don’t want to drive.  So then the best thing for me to do is… not send them an invitation?  But then what if the person is offended that they didn’t get invited, even if they weren’t going to come?  

    I think whether you go depends on how you think the bride will react.  Clearly there are bees who feel you have to go and bees who think you don’t have to.  Your bride falls on one side of that line.  If you think she’d totally understand that you’re not there because of the distance, then of course you don’t have to go 🙂  If she’s expecting you… then I guess you have to go.

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