- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
After Fiance and I started dating in September of 2009, dinners and movies took a backseat when his mother, who had cancer, took a turn for the worse. Although he has a brother and sister, they both lived out of state and he often was the only one there to help and support her. We spent the last 3 weeks of her life with her in the Hospital, and that is where I fell absolutely in love with Fiance, as I would watch him hold her hand and read get well cards one by one to his mother, with every note, with every bad joke. She was such a wonderful lady who we both miss and I appreciate knowing her and getting to be a part of her life. She was clearly such a good mother who raised an amazing son. He referred to her as his best friend, and it meant a lot of to see someone with the same family values.
My mother lives across the country, and it kills me that I do not get to often see her because of money and time restraints. She has recently moved to a countryside home in Maryland with little to no cell reception, she didnt know about this until she signed the lease and moved in, and it pains us both to get to rarely talk now 🙁 only about 20 minutes a week. The rest of my family I talk to very often, and get to see a couple times a year, but even yet they are still in Ohio, where I grew up.
There is a total seperate story in the midst here, but it is one too long and complicated to explain. The short version is, Fiance and I lost our home in Montana because of greed in his family after his mothers passing. We moved to Ohio where my family helped us for a bit, but then when we fell short on cash and were unable to find work, we moved to Arizona where FIs Dad offered him a job within his company. We understand we are very lucky now especially in this economy and appreciate his Fathers help.
FI and his Dad have a somewhat curvy past, as his Dad left when he was only 2 or 3. He would spend summers with him, but that is about it, and they were drifting apart in the last 5 years or so, until the problems with FIs mother. Him and his Dad have become closer in a terrible situation, and his Dad is a very kind and generous man.
However, in the time they werent talking much his Father remarried and acquired two stepchildren both in their young teenage years. Before moving out here, Fiance had never talked to or met his Dads new wife or kids. We are happy they are close, and the kids call Future Father-In-Law “Dad” . His wife seems like a nice woman, but we still consider her a stranger considering the lack of history with her. There have been things bothing us recently though, and we have only been here two months.
She again, is nice and fun to be around, but she seems to have a drinking problem. Not severe, but enough that it seems to be a very regular thing when we come over for dinner that she has been or is drinking enough that her personality changes. She also comes off a little racist, she has to whisper the words “black” and “mexican” which really bothers me because I have a 4 year old niece who I love so much and she is bi-racial.
And now that she has found out we are recently engaged, she is really intruding on our plans. She has mentioned I should have her daughter as a bridesmaid (Im not totally opposed to that) and that we can not get married if it interferes with her childrens school schedule. (We are still having the wedding in Ohio and are thinking AUG). She insists on being there when I try on wedding dresses because she “is good at that kind of thing” and picked out Future Sister-In-Law dress last year.
Not only do I find this inappropriate as her and Fiance did not even meet before we moved here two months ago, but I feel like it puts me in a terrible position. FIs Dad has helped us and we do not want to cause drama in the family, but to us this woman is a stranger still.
It kills me my mother cant be here and all I can do is send pictures of me in dresses, it brings her to tears that she cannot share this time in my life with me (though she will be at the wedding). I would feel like I was “cheating” on my mother if I invite someone who I am not even close with to do these things in person.
And it brings the feelings of not only missing my family, but FIs mother, who I would have not hesitated to invite to all things Wedding-related. I feel like I am missing the two most important women at this time, and it would feel like I was cheapening it to have someone else along. Am I overreacting or being too selfish? I just cant get past these feelings, and I dont know what to do. I dont want someone who doesnt know me to be a part of something so personal, y know?
Thanks for hearing out my vent and frustration!