Don't want to include FSIL in bridal party

posted 1 week ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
5455 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

lavender9 :  why don’t you ask your fiancé what he thinks?

Post # 3
700 posts
Busy bee

Yes! As long as there’s no active dislike/disrespect I would highly recommend adding her. Your wedding is one day but you’re going to have these people as family for the rest of your life. Plus, it could help your relationship, and even if it doesn’t, you’ll have this shared experience in the future. I would caution you to not expect too much though that way there’s no bad feelings that come from it. 

Post # 4
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Yes. Family first.

Post # 5
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I can see both sides. But if you don’t dislike her and there’s no reason to think she’s going to make things difficult or put a damper on this experience in any way, I really don’t see the harm in including her. 

My husband asked my brother to be a groomsman. They are not “close,” but they get along and like each other. For both of us, our wedding was more than just about the two of us. It was about our families coming together. He knew it would be very important to me to include my brother (and it meant the world to my brother as well!). I also had his sister as one of my bridesmaids, though his sister and I ARE very close friends, but I would have included her regardless.

I think it comes down to why you really don’t want to include your Future Sister-In-Law. And, of course, if you’re really opposed, your fiance can always have her stand on his side. 

Post # 6
142 posts
Blushing bee

lavender9 :  Have you actually talked to your fiance about it? I personally would not, and did not include my SIL in anything other than inviting her as a guest. I like her just fine, but we’re definitely different people and we rarely see eachother. 

But, we do have probably a different family dynamic than a lot of people, so it wasn’t a big deal to anyone involved.

Post # 8
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

anonbee123123 :  Yeah I think it’s a different ball of wax if family dynamics are different and both you and your future spouse see eye to eye about it. But if your fiance really wants their sibling included and you don’t then I see people’s feelings getting hurt. 

lavender9 :  I think you should talk to your fiance and see how he truly feels about this. 

Post # 9
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - City, State

lavender9 :  NO!

First, talk to your fiance about your bridal party and who each of you plan to ask, omitting her. Don’t suggest you might ask her. See how he responds.

Do NOT make someone part of your wedding party if you think there is even the slightest possibility you two will butt heads on the day of or before.

If he makes a big issue out of it, give her a part. Either have her do a reading (we are having my cousin do a Catholic reading to appease my mother at our non religious ceremony) or some other sort of special part. Having someone in your wedding party that you don’t find peace with is NOT a good plan.

Post # 10
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Why can’t he have her stand up on his side. She’s his family and if it’s important to him then she should stand on his side.

Post # 11
1350 posts
Bumble bee

My opinion has always been that you should have your closest people in your bridal party, regardless of if they are family or not.  I included my SIL in my bridal party and I regret it. We were never super close but we got along at the time.  After the wedding, I found out she talked about me endlessly behind my back and trashed my other bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor.  If I had known, I would never have included her but at the time, I wanted to have a family member in my bridal party.  Now all I think about when I see my wedding photos is how I wish I could photoshop her out of them.  Maybe this won’t be the case for you and your Future Sister-In-Law is a really nice person, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to include her because you feel you have to for your fiance. Is he including anyone in his party that he’s not particularly close to to make you happy?

Post # 12
585 posts
Busy bee

I dont think you need to. I think since you two aren’t close if nothing else it will be really obvious that you only asked her because she’s your sister in law. I wouldn’t be offended if my sister in law doesn’t ask me to be in her wedding party. We get along well, but aren’t “close” so I get it, the morning of is time for her to spend with her close friends. I wouldn’t want someone to ask me to be a bridesmaid out of obligation. You can always include her in another way, a reading, make sure to get some photos with her, etc. 

Post # 13
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

It all depends, you cant’ single her out. If his other siblings are in the bridal party you kinda have to include them all.. If your Fiance has some of your siblings in his party then you have to have his in yours. 

I would say the reasons to not have her would have to be that you and she actively dislike eachother and she would ruin your bachelorette party, getting ready, etc. But if she just isn’t someone you click with? Not really a good reason to not have her included if other siblings are included. Also if you want that spot free to have someone you are actually super close with instead? Just have a bigger wedding party. Adding one more isn’t horrible. 

I guess you could ask your fiance if your bridesmaids could be all your close friends and no family but again, if his wedding party is family of yours, and his friends you kind need to offer him the same courtesy..  And while you could do mixed gender wedding parties and have his sister on his side, i gurantee it would stil be split by gender for the bachelorette party and the getting ready before the wedding part and so she would still be with you during those events. 

Post # 14
82 posts
Worker bee

What about your own siblings? Are they in the wedding party, especially any brother(s), and if so, does your FH plan to include them as groomsmen?

Post # 15
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I’d second the suggestion for her to be in the wedding party on his side. He’s the one she’s close to, I think it’s nice if he includes her on his side.

Regarding the getting ready and bachelor party, having a woman in his side doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be with you. My husband’s best friend is a woman, and was his best woman in the wedding. She organised his stag party and went with them, and she helped him get ready (obviously they didn’t get dressed together, but she helped make sure he was ready and smart).

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