Don't want to include FSIL in bridal party

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

My vote is no. If your Fiancé really wants her in the wedding, then she can stand up in his side. Your side should be for those closest to you. 

Post # 17
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I was in same dilema, I didn’t want to include my SIL but I decided I should. More so for her and his family, he wasn’t caring either or, but I cared that my brother wore the same kilts as them all so he made my brother an usher and that really binded us all together. I think it’s only one extra person and she’ll be happy with it. So yeah I’d say do it. 

Post # 18
Member
277 posts
Helper bee

pnwlove :  Maybe it is different where I live but it’s more common here for the groom’s sisters to be bridesmaids rather than stand on the groom’s side, even if the bride and the future sisters in law are not close. 

Post # 19
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

What is the cost/benefit analysis here? Since you don’t sound like you dislike her, it seems the cost to you of including her would be low. You get to do something that makes your FH happy, his family happy and probably become closer to your SIL – so the potential benefits seem higher than the cost to do it. 

Conversely, you can stand on the “it’s MY day and MY wedding party” platform, but I don’t see you benefitting in any way with that decision long term and it could be uncomfortable and cause awkwardness with your FH and his family, which would be a higher cost than I would want to pay.

I was not close to my SIL at all when I got married – I didn’t even have her phone number (she is about 6 years younger than me and we live in a different state), but asked her to be a bridesmaid because it was a chance to be inclusive to my new family. She didn’t attend the bachelorette and I did not ask for any assistance from her beyond getting the dress and showing up for hair and makeup. I had friends I was closer with and would have preferred to spend time with, but we are family. His parents hung family photos from our wedding all around their house, and I feel good about the fact that his siblings were wearing the bridal party colors and his sister was all done up and holding a bouquet. In the years since my wedding, my friendships with my bridesmaids have shifted, but his family is my family now and I’m glad I made that decision.

Post # 20
Member
6701 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I love my SILs, but they weren’t a part of my bridal party.  We wanted to keep our parties small.  Darling Husband didn’t have my brother either.  I had my sister, he had his brother, and we both had other friends.

Post # 21
Member
4981 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Eh. I’d just do it. 

Post # 22
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

The people in your bridal party are the people you’re close to. There’s no need to include her if you’re not close to her. If your Fiance wants her in the wedding she can stand on his side. There is no shortage of stories from people who regret having “obligatory bridesmaids”. She may not even want to be a part of your bridal party. I wouldn’t want to be in the bridal party of someone I wasn’t actually close with, whether they were going to be family or not. 

Post # 23
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends if other siblings are going to be in the bridal party. If not, I would have her do a reading.

Post # 25
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

yes.   it doesn’t sound like you have any reason to dislike her, just that you aren’t super close.  she is going to be family for the rest of your life, and i think it would be a nice gesture to include her, especially if it is important to your fiance.   at the end of the day, she would probably be included in your bridal shower and photos etc as your fiance’s sister, so i don’t see what difference it would make to formally include her in your wedding party. 

 

Post # 26
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

Yes. Not worth the family drama not including her could cause.

Post # 27
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

My solution to not feeling guilty about certain people not being included in the bridal party is not having one. I will honor the important women in my life differently. 

On the other hand, an acquaintance didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and had 12 bridesmaids. So. 

Post # 28
Member
9789 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would also like to point out that not everyone loves being in weddings. I was thrilled not to be ask to be a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding. My SIL and I get a long just fine but aren’t close or friends. I would much rather attend as a guest. It doesn’t necessarily cause drama to not ask a sibling to be in the wedding.

Post # 29
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

my brother is standing with me, why not have her be a groomswoman?

your wedding party is suppose to be the people closest to you but nothing ever specified gender, if she close to your fiance then she should go on his side.

Post # 30
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee

Another option to consider would be to offer her a place on either her brother’s side or your side and let her choose. That way she is probably more likely to pick his side and you are free and clear as you offered. This way the family dynamics are kept cordial.

She also may decline both as PP has said, not everyone wants to be in a wedding party.

You would have to talk with your fiance to see if he would be amenable to this of course.

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