Post # 1
So my fiance & I just started planning our wedding ceremony & such… we’ve started looking at the guest list because the number of people will determine what we can afford to have at our wedding. It’s a pretty small list, about 60 people, which is fine except… Well, my step brother isn’t on the list.
My mother married a guy 3 years ago and he has 2 children, a son & a daughter who are both HORRIBLE. I knew them both in high school and really disliked them. They are trashy rednecks and not at all the kind of people I like to be around. His daughter isn’t an issue because she’s in the navy and is absolutely never around (which is terrific because no one likes her, including her own brother) but his son rents the apartment above my sister’s house. I only recently had to spend much time with him & try as I might to get over it, I absolutely hate him. I can’t stand even looking at him! He’s creepy & disrespectful. I spent the holiday weekend with him & my family, and he was so disrespectful to me about the fact that I’m a vegetarian that I couldn’t even sit with them at dinner. I ended up spending my time with my grandparents and their siblings just to be away from him.
Needless to say, I don’t want this jerk at my wedding! I want to have something classy like a wine & cheese tasting at a vineyard and I don’t want to pay for him & whatever trashy girl he’s screwing at the time to get drunk off expensive wine and complain about the food. I definitely think it is within my reason to not want a person like this at my event, and he’s not going to be invited regardless of whatever happens, but I was hoping there would be a way to avoid drama when everyone realizes he’s not invited?
I know everyone is going to think I’m so rude & a horrible person for not inviting him, especially my mom and her new husband. I’m willing to make a lot of sacrifices here, but I’m resolute on this issue. Is there a way to let my family down gently over this? I don’t want the drama to ruin my event, either.
Post # 3
Hun, this is going to cause a huge rucus. Here’s hopeing he does not want to come. Tell him it is vegetarian!!
But if you and your Fiance are paying for your wedding, you have a right to invite whom you want. I would tell your mom and stepdad NOW your feelings. They are going to get upset but keep calm and explain to them how your stepbrother and stepsister treat you and you dod not want to deal with that on your biggest day.
But seriously, tell him its vegitarian all the way and it is NOT an option and he probaby won’t want to come
Post # 4
I don’t know about your family dynamics, but if you feel that strongly about someone then I wouldn’t invite him.
Post # 5
Etiquettely you are able to invite/not invite whomever you ike. But that does nothing to soothe hurt feelings. You need to decide if the ruckus of not inviting SB is worth the ‘pain’ of having him attend. You will probably have minimal interaction with him on the day of.
You do not have to invite the flavour of the week Girlfriend. Only a wife, a fiance, or live in Girlfriend require an invite.
Post # 6
My BIL sounds similar. The first time I met him he introduced himself as an ex-alcoholic, and he has very little ambition or tact. After him and my sister got engaged I tried to reach out and took the four of us out to dinner, and my BIL went as far to tell my French Fiance that while we didn’t need France in the war in Afghanistan, France would do whatever we wanted because we are the US. Just plan rude. I was also told by my sister that he doesn’t feel family is a big deal and has no interest in getting to know me.
I’m not too thrilled about inviting him to my French wedding, and can only imagine what he may do which may reflect poorly on my culture, and I’ll probably have to answer for it later. However, I love my sister and we’ve recently been able to become closer. I’m inviting my BIL to keep a relationship with my sister, and that’s enough. I’ll be too busy with my friends and husband during the wedding anyways.
Post # 7
I am in a similar situation, but I do not want my Future Sister-In-Law at our wedding. I HATE her. I can’t stand the sight of her or the sound of her voice. She is disgusting, obnoxious, rude, disrespectful, and just YUCK!
She recently told her mother she was not coming to our wedding because we will not let her bring her drug addicted, prostitute, criminal friend to our wedding/beach house. She says she doesn’t want to ride down to the beach with anyone, or stay with any of us during the two weeks we’ll be down there. So, she’s staying home (for now). Because she’s decided she wants to stay home, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law will have to install surveillance cameras and have a relative do random check-ins. That’s how bad the girl is. Her own parents can’t even trust to leave her home alone.
Fiance and I decided we didn’t want her at our wedding a few weeks ago, but we never told anyone. Future Sister-In-Law just said herself that she didn’t want to come. She could change her mind, but I am wishing, hoping, and praying that she sticks to her guns so that Fiance and I don’t have to end up looking like the bad guys.
Post # 8
I’m in a similar situation with my step sister. She’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and with depression. She’s seen a counselor and is on medication, but it’s very possible she might also have other personality disorders, like her mother. She goes back and forth with thinking that her dad is great or horrible all the time. Back at Christmas she actually spent Christmas Eve with all of us for the first time in 2 years and it made her dad SOOOO happy. But, now she’s turned into a raging BIOTCH again. Basically if she doesn’t get her way all the time, she’s pissed. I really don’t want to invite her to my wedding becasue A) who knows if she’ll come so why waste a stamp and an invite?(and yes, I know I sound like a completely horrible person for saying that) and B) What if she does come and ends up making a scene or causing some other kind of issue?
So, I totally get your frustrations. Good luck!