(Closed) Don't Want to Live with SO- Advice?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I think just explaining to him that you want to wait so that our wedding is really special or that you want to save this one thing for marriage 


he should understand

Post # 4
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that’s a perfectly reasonable desire.  You want to marry the guy – it’s hardly like you’re not willing to commit.  What’s one more year?

As for “splitting things evenly” – it sounds like you don’t want to combine finances until you’re married?  (Which I think is exceedingly smart).  One thing to consider, however,  is that splitting things evenly should be percentages based on how much you make.  For instance, my husband makes 3 1/2 times what I make, so he contributes much more to the “shared expenses” account than I do.  It would be very unfair for me to have to contribute half.

Post # 5
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Just tell him what you told us, if he is reasonable he will understand.

Post # 6
32 posts

@oneofthesethings:  totally agree. Different strokes for direct fols…I live with my SO but if I were you and felt the way you did, that’s what I would say. One more year when your whole life is ahead of you is ok as far as living together, especially if you already know you’ll be definitely getting married. 

Post # 7
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, and I think if you just explain to him that you don’t want to live together before you’re married he would (should) understand. I don’t know your SO, but I think you might be overestimating how upset he will be. Plus, if you’re planning on getting married in August, if you sign a year lease, that will be perfect timing for you to move out of your apartment and in with him

Post # 8
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

“I love you, and I want to wait until we are married to live with you.” Pretty simple!

I hope the talk goes well!

Post # 9
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He is probably just doing “the guy thing” and offering up a solution to your lease being up…. In his mind it provides a simple solution.  Doesn’t mean it is the right solution for you though at this point in time. 


just nicely tell him what you told the bee, and he should understand.  I don’t live with my SO and he understands.  Its actually never been an issue or come up…..neither of our parents would approve, and he knows I personally would not feel comfortable moving in until after we get married.  

Post # 10
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@bostonkate: You should definitely just bring it up to him in a straightforward way. “I don’t want to live together until I get married” has been brought up and is a good way to go.

You don’t sound like you’re 100% sure of this, though, so because of that I will urge you to consider your decision from all aspects. Living together can be a very enlightening experience before you marry. If you decide not to do this, I would at least recommend having some frank discussions about the difference in income (if not now, then definitely once you get engaged), because financials are a big reason for divorce, so it’s important to talk these things through whether or not you live together.

Good luck!

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