(Closed) don't want to plan anymore…..

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I got to this point too – Darling Husband and I honestly considered throwing the money away and running off to elope, a la Pam and Jim in The Office (Eloping on the Maid of the Mist in Niagara Falls).  But in the end, we dealt with all of our family drama, had our huge wedding, and everything worked out. 

I suggest taking a few days/weeks off from wedding planning if you can spare it, and just relaxing with your Fiance – to remember why you are planning the wedding in the first place.  It is a celebration of YOU, and doesn’t have to be a big gala if you don’t want it to. 

As for school – everyone hits rough patches.  Can you talk to the professor and figure out where you’re missing something?  Approaching a professor for help goes a very long way when it comes to grades and success in grad school!

Post # 4
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ranyamellon:  Stick to your guns. If the parents want a fancy affair, let them pay for it.

Post # 6
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ranyamellon:  stick to what you want don’t let them guilt you in to anything. thank God my mom understand our desire for a small ceremony (8 guests) but she’s still trying to be pushy about other stuff. (Have the ceremony at home, let your sister be a bridesmaid, etc…) I just tell her no. If she insists I hang up or leave. She’s getting the point now. Seriously as small as our event is. I still wish it was just us…sigh. 

Post # 7
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are right, it is totally up to you. I might be biased, because I want the big wedding- 200 guests!  But I think that 20 people is tiny, 50 sounds more reasonable- that way other family members or friends or coworkers won’t feel left out. I think that if your parents are willing to pay for this, then let them. ( I would definitely take advantage of that ).

Post # 8
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

The easy answer is to elope and then deal with the fall out.  The difficult answer is to be an adult and stick to your guns about having a small wedding.  If your family knows that the alternative is to elope, they may be more supportive of a small wedding.  If they still don’t care then be clear that it is a subject you are not discussing with them.  You and your FH have made the decision to have a small wedding and it is a topic that is no longer up for discussion.  Change the subject every time it comes up.

I would also cut out mom form the wedding planning since it sounds like instead of being supportive, she is complaining.  Say something like “I love you Mom but FH and I have made the decision and it is no longer something we are going to discuss.  I would love for you to assist me in planning my wedding but what I really need right now is your support and if you cannot give it to me, I understand, but I will have to continue planning on my own if you persist in being negative about my wedding.”

Post # 9
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I didn’t see the money issue.  If they are paying they have more say in the wedding planning.  Is there any way for you and your FH to pay for your own wedding so you can do it how you want to?  My FH’s tried to give us money for the wedding but we declined because we didn’t want to feel obligated to follow their suggestions.

Post # 10
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jessicaandjames5914:  who cares if they feel leftout? maybe she just doesn’t want them there. I’ve never got the logic of havine people at your wedding just because 

Post # 13
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 It may be very frusterating to sit down with your mom. But you need to compromise if your cultural background will get in the way of your wedding. It’s YOUR wedding. YOU need to be happy. You can either do it YOUR way, do it your mom’s way, or compromise so everyone’s happy.

 

Maybe you can keep it small, so you get your way. But your mom can help with the flowers.

Post # 15
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ranyamellon:  You’re not a horrible person for not wanting to spend a huge amount of money on one day and one party.

Just stay calm and respectful, but firm, and people will come around to understanding your choice. People struggle to understand things that are different than what they expect, but they just need time. A few years from now, it won’t even be an issue any more.

The topic ‘don't want to plan anymore…..’ is closed to new replies.

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