(Closed) Don’t want to start trouble with In-Laws

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
527 posts
Busy bee

Don’t cancel. His family knows you already invited them before your sister in law planned your neice’s birthday, so they can’t fault you for not giving up your plans.

Go to the theatre, enjoy your bday, take your neice out another day and do something with her, everyone will be fine. If your sister in law makes a big deal, remind her she’s the one who planned it for the same day you were having yours.

Especially if your husband planned something else, and is adamant about still going, go.

Post # 4
6356 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

otterbee :  go, enjoy and let your husband handle any fallout. He obviously doesn’t think you should have to give way (neither do I) and is probably sick of their crap. They’ll live. 

Post # 5
9470 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t cancel your plans. Don’t be a push-over and let your SIL control your decisions. She knew you had plans, she planned the party for that day anyway. If she wants to throw a fit, let her, it’s her own fault.

Post # 6
2909 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

At some point you need to draw boundaries with your in laws or you’ll keep living in fear of pissing them off and putting their needs before your own. I would not take work off to attend a child’s birthday party unless it was something I wanted to do, not because it was expected.

start creating boundaries now and keep on with your plans, they knew you had plans when they scheduled the party, don’t cancel. Make it up to his niece some other time.

otterbee :  

Post # 7
573 posts
Busy bee

You planned your night first AND everyone knew it. Period. Do not cancel your plans. That’s just ridiculous. 

Post # 8
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

otterbee :  His family his call. He wants to handle the upset from still going to your original plans, than let him. I think he is right btw. You chose first, you told everyone first so they can suck it if they think they can try to come back and paint you two out the bad guys. Plus sounds like your husband will handle them if they do try it. Let him deal. 

Post # 9
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

otterbee :  I wouldn’t cancel my plans.  Your husband knows his family the best and I’m assuming he has the backbone to stand up against them if they start stirring some drama.

If your SIL is a bit dramatic then there will always be some sort of reason for her to be dramatic. I understand that you want to stay on your in laws good grace.  But you can’t always please them as you have your own life as well.  Go enjoy your birthday and let your husband deal with them.  

Post # 10
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

futuremrs2020 :  This.

OP, yes, you’re new to the family, which is exactly why you need to start setting boundaries and standing up for yourself now. Do not live your life walking on eggshells, constantly in fear of pissing off your in-laws. It seems like they are pretty used to getting their way, so I personally see this as a test of compliance. Don’t fall for it; keep your plans and let your husband deal with any potential fallout. Your in-laws knew you had plans well in advance of this, and if they cannot respect other people’s time (you deserve to treat yourself for your birthday too!) then that is their issue. 

Enjoy your theater date! 🙂

Post # 11
2553 posts
Sugar bee

You’re being a pushover and placing others’ needs before your own in a effort to avoid their drama (temper tantrums.) That is a direct path to in-law HELL. Once they realize you will cancel your plans to “keep the peace” they’ll start manipulating you in other ways as well.

Don’t reward bad behavior with your own compliance and deference.

Besides, this is your HUSBAND’S family. If he’s upset with his sister, it’s likely for a good reason, most likely because she has been trying to manipulate him with her temper tantrums for a long time. If he’s fed up, let him be fed up. Your role as his wife is NOT to manage his relationship with HIS family. It’s to support HIM in whatever feelings he feels and whatever decisions he makes regarding them. 

You are lucky to have a husband who will stand up for himself and for you against his family’s manipulations. Don’t cut his feet out from under him.

Your SIL is the ONLY person responsible for her own terrible behavior, and if an argument ensues, it will be HER fault, not yours or your husband’s. 

Post # 12
1200 posts
Bumble bee

otterbee :  just trust your husband. If he thinks it’s okay then it’s okay. If your SIL says something different then that’s for your husband and sister in law to work out as siblings. 

Post # 13
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Life rule: don’t bend over backwards for someone who doesn’t give a crap about you.

Go to the theater with hubby, have an amazing time and FORGGEETRABOUTTHEM! you guys can take your niece out another day.

Post # 14
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

In the past you’ve been expected to take work off for children’s birthdays??  That’s asking a lot.  You’re nicer than I am, OP.  Don’t cancel your plans!

Post # 15
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Your in laws expect you to take off work for a child’s birthday? That is insanely entitled on their part.  Don’t cancel your plans.

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