Don't want to walk away but I need more

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

sunshinegirl90 :  I’m sorry he treats you so poorly. you are not wrong for wanting more.. he’s not supportive and very dismissive of your feelings and needs. I wouldn’t marry this guy. You deserve more as your gut is telling you

Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

If you feel alone and insecure enough to cry about it, leave him. 

One of the reasons for dating someone is to see if you like the person enough to marry them, if that is a goal. If you don’t like them or parts of their behavior, especially after you’ve addressed it with them, you dump them. 

You’ve found out that he’s cold and rather uncaring about your emotions — so dump him.

Post # 4
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

He sounds very emotionally unavailable, which is not anything you want in a partner.  Have you sat him down (when you’re not upset or had a hard day etc) and said “I find it very difficult when you do x and y – it feels like I’m unsupported, and I need support from my partner.  How can we change this?”  If you have, and nothing’s changed, then sorry, you’re better off without him.  If you haven’t give it a shot and see if he changes – he may not realise what he’s doing.

Post # 5
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Never settle in your love life! You deserve to be happy and confident in your relationship. Listen to your gut – you aren’t happy, don’t just shrug that off!!

Post # 6
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

If you know exactly what you need, have expressed exactly what you need, and still find his behavior lacking over a period of time, then I’d listen to your gut and move on. If you think that you could communicate your needs better, then maybe give him a little time and see what happens. But never settle. You deserve to feel awesome about your relationship. 

Post # 7
Member
2794 posts
Sugar bee

So things haven’t been great then… You need to respect yourself. If you feel as though he’s treating you poorly, unprovoked or otherwise, then leave. You have one life, don’t spend it settling for someone who doesn’t see your worth and treat you right. 

There’s no shame in leaving a relationship just because you want to. You need more, so find someone who can give you more. A tiger doesn’t change his strips. This is who he is. If he’s not the one for you, find someone who is. 

Very rarely does your gut lead you astray. Don’t convenience yourself to stay, justify his actions, or change who you are for him. 

He should love you even if you’re flying your freak flag. So find someone else, and let that freak flag fly!

Post # 9
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

sunshinegirl90 :  men don’t communicate like women do. For example, I would come home from work and complain about my boss. My husband would get frustrated with my complaining, and say ‘why do you always tell me this? What do you want me to do about it?’  

So I realized men feel if there is a problem they’re expected to fix it. He was getting frustrated because he thought I was complaining to him so he’d tell me what to do to fix my problems with my boss.  But I didn’t want anything from him. I just wanted to complain to get the problem off my chest. Once my hubby realized this, he was fine.

Even now, sometimes I’ll get really mad and rant about something and I’ll see he’s looking uncomfortable, and I’ll say ‘it’s ok, I just need to complain. I don’t expect you to do anything but listen.’, and he’s fine. 

So, it might just be that you have different expectations, and you’re not communicating clearly with him what your needs are. Is he worth taking the time to train?  Would he be open to better communication with you ??  He can probably be trained – but you have to decide if it’s worth the effort. 

Post # 10
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee

ceebee05 :  yes. I love how you said ” there’s no shame in leaving a relationship just because you want to” I wish this was accepted more! 

I remember when I left my ex fiance years back. Everyone asked “why”? Now of course there were many reasons why. And I know you have reasons too. But I really truly feel,  “just because you want to” is as valid and real and right…..as any reason. 

Give yourself permission to do what makes you happy.

Post # 11
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I’m gonna play devil’s advocate here. Are you sure you feel depressed and insecure because of him and not because of yourself, other problems you have in life? Have you had problems like that before in a relationship?

 

You’re not giving much info here, that’s why I’m asking. I don’t know you two, or the situation where he asks you if you want him to leave. Maybe he feels insecure about you too, maybe he feels like you’re not really sure about him and that’s why he asks you if you want him to leave. Maybe he often sees you crying about stuff and doesnt quite know what to do, and feels like he’s not enough for you?

I think I need more info and examples.

Post # 12
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He can be an overall good guy and be “trying his best” and still not be the right fit for you.

You don’t have to stay with someone just because you’ve been together for a certain amount of time or because most things are good/okay, and leaving because the relationship isn’t fulfilling doesn’t make you “unappreciative.”

If this isn’t what you want for life, then I recommend leaving to find what you do want. It’s better for you both of you to find someone who makes you feel that being together is “right” (secure, supportive – whatever you are seeking).

Post # 13
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

My fiancé is so different from my ex-husband. My ex always acted so inconvenienced by my feelings and needs. I walked on eggshells around him. I was married 18 years. When I started dating my fiancé, two years later, I found myself repeating those patterns, watching what I said or apologizing, but I didn’t have to anymore, because my fiancé is so loving and kind. He accepts me for who I am and let’s me be myself. We get along great and there’s nothing better than being able to be yourself in a relationship. Don’t settle for anything less. Good luck!!

Post # 14
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

dalia88 :  I agree.

OP. Is it possible your looking for him to make you happy? That will never happen. You need to be strong on your own. Your only happiness should never come JUST from your SO. It does sound like you maybe dealing with depression and seeking him to fix it..?

I do think you need to leave this relationship and seek counseling for yourself. You need to be strong on your own BEFORE stepping into a relationship.

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