(Closed) Don’t wear your engagement ring

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 122
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

From the way the OP posted, I thought she was more concerned about the size of her ring?

Disclaimer, stereotypes ahead!: 

For example: If applying for a job in a high power law firm where people covert lables and yatches, a small ring could be looked down upon and the thought that “she doesn’t fit in with the lifestyle our employees have and won’t gel well”

Flip it around: Applying for a job in law firm for those without money (I forget what they are called, whatever Sandy Cohen was in the OC, yes, I went there :P) and having a large ring. “She might not like the grunt work, is probably looking for something glamourous and won’t get on with the clients” 

So less about the engagement ring and more about jewelry in general? 

Just taking a different spin.

Post # 123
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wearing an engagement ring to an interview could possibly bring up the questions ‘how much time is she going to want off to get married, and will she be focused on the job while she’s planning the wedding?’

So from that respect, I can see where it might be a good idea not to wear an engagement. There is no reason to put thoughts in the employer’s head that might give other applicants an edge.

ETA:  I know here in Michigan, the job market is fierce. So many people are unemployed with few job opportunities. That means there are probably at least 10 equally qualified applicants for every position, so employers can be ultra picky. Also with economy the way it is here, employers are thinking more about the bottom line, because they know they can easily replace any applicant very quickly.

I’m not saying it’s right or fair, but unfortunately, it’s the way it is right now. Hopefully, it won’t always be this way. 

Post # 124
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Everdeen: I also immediately thought of the size issue. I think a moderately sized diamond won’t get more than a “Oh she is getting married, and might need time off for kids one day” whereas I know from experience a huge rock can translate to “She is only working until she has the first kid then she will quit because hubby clearly has an amazing job that he could afford THAT ring.” Not saying it’s right, but, much like all assumptions, lots of people still do it.

Post # 125
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

exactly! However the OP chooses to represent herself professionally at an interview is HER right. I can totally understand where she’s coming from here. I don’t think they are saying you SHOULDN’T, but more like presenting her choice and why she did it.

Some people just take things WAY.TOO.PERSONALLY. Haters gonna hate…

Post # 126
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This thread makes me feel so grateful that I work for the great company that I do.  They really preach (and practice) life/work balance and understand that people have lives outside of work.  It makes me really sad that women are still discriminated against in this way.

Post # 127
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

In regards to the “perceived” snarkiness – just remember that none of us know the emotion or intent behind anything being said. We can only assume. As one could assume I’m being snarky when I’m not, no where even close to it. Words are words, there is no emotion in text until you look through your rose colored glasses and put it there.

I don’t wear jewelry. Except the stud in my nose and the implant under my eye. I have large gauge plugs in my lobes. Only 2, and both are not extreme in size. I wear my hair down for interviews and it hides my ears and the large tattoo on my neck. My half sleeve I cover if I feel like it. It’s not hard to hide should I need to. None of my body art is offensive (unless flowers or a pink ribbon offend you) and if it is, oh well. Now, when I do get engaged, and I will wear my ring. And if it means I don’t get hired, so be it. 

I have seen first hand the horrible way mothers are treated. My last job I was sent packing 1 week before my 1 year probation ended because my special needs daughter had a bad episode and I needed to take a few days off to address it problem. Being a single mother to 2, and because I did take an average of one day off per month non scheduled per child, I was deemed unreliable. My absences were cleared via my children’s doctors stating that my sons needs were life threatening and my daughters were absolutely required. Is it bullshit? You bet. Did they get away with it? You bet. Was I the most qualified person in my position in the company? Yes I was. I led training and even had to teach my supervisor a thing or three. But what it boiled down to was my children. Not my ability. That was a government job too. 

Post # 128
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

@Mrs.Oat: Thanks for saying exactly what I wanted to say! 🙂

Post # 129
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i have an interview saturday and i plan on wearing my ring but at the same time its for a wedding related job and ive known the interviewer for a while.

Post # 130
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

I never wear my wedding or engagement rings to any interviews. I want the interview to be solely about my qualifications and how we get along. I do not need to let them in on any personal details of my life at an interview and distract them for my qualification, and how we get along. 

Not wearing a ring doesn’t give away anything– you can be single or married and not wear a ring. Wearing one pretty much means you’re engaged/married.

 

Post # 131
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

@biggum110  

Just to add my personal situation into the mix, I’m from England and am a lawyer. Anyway, from my experience, in no way shape or form are women discriminated against by being engaged. I appreciate that it may be different for you guys over there but I can’t really see the logic behind it. As there is no longer any real stigma attached in single women having children (As happens frequently) then an employer has no guarantee that any female worker won’t become pregnant and demand maternity pay. I should add, as a caveat, I’m self-employed, but hey, I hope my argument still applies.

Post # 132
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The last job I had, it was actually to my advantage to wear my ring. The owner of the place asked if I was engaged, and I said yes. I did get the job. I found out later that they actually preferred to hire an engaged or married person for the job, under the assumption that she/he would be more stable in their life than the last several people who’d randomly walked out on the job because of personal problems.

If I were being interviewed for a position that cared for my marital status any more than the situation I mentioned, I would be highly insulted, and wouldn’t want to work there anyway. Other than for tax reporting purposes, it is strictly none of their business. And yes, I know there’s still idiots out there who do consider it their business… but those are the people I do not wish to work for.

I’ve also worn my ring long enough that it’s just as obvious that I have one even when I take it off. I’d probably get more inappropriate questions if I didn’t wear it at this point.

Post # 133
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

Interesting post. It is true that women in general are discriminated against. There is no way around it.

Now, the OP did sound as if she was referring to the size of her ring, but I could be wrong. In any case, once engaged, there is simply no reason NOT to wear your ring unless it is a physical hazzard. That is my opinion.

I used to take mine off to do chores around the house, even shower. But now that I am married, I almost NEVER take it off. I am proud of my status and only after one month of marriage there are very definite tan “rings” on my finger. So as someone already pointed out, it would look strange for me to take it off anyway.

PLUS, I’d be disapppinted if my hubby did not wear his to an interview.

I did not add anything to this discussion but boy was it interesting to read the thread.

Post # 134
Member
4305 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would wear mine. Some people don’t even wear wedding bands even after they’re married, so this whole concept doesn’t even make sense.  That and it’s illegal for an employer to discriminate against you based on your sex and status. IDGAF what they think–if they discriminate against me because of something like that, I don’t want to work for them any damn way.

Post # 135
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2011

When I first got engaged I was abroad visiting my fiance and when I came back my former boss had already told me that I was going to get a promotion and occupy his position as soon as I came back, so I decided not to tell people at work about it even though I was dying to tell everyone. 

When the big boss called me to her office to tell me about my promotion the first thing she asked as soon as I got in was: “Are you getting married?” Not hello, come in or anything like that… Just “Are you getting married?” After that reaction I can tell you that I feel like I made the right decision by not telling people at work.  I might be engaged and moving to his country, but I still have to stay in mine for a while even after the wedding (over 1 year and a half after I got my promotion) waiting for the paperwork to come through and I need the money.  I wear my ring all the time, and even wore it that day, but I’m guessing my culture is less observant when it comes to things like this.

Post # 136
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yikes!  This thread has gotten quite heated.  Can we please remember that we all work in different fields, and while we may like to think that any potential employers are as enlightened as we all are, this is simply not the case in many fields.  I’m an academic, in a field that is definitely still an old boys club.  I thought long and hard about wearing my rings to my interview and ultimately decided that I would.  I just didn’t personally feel comfortable mis-representing myself, and it is pretty obvious that I am newly married anyways thanks to my recent last name change.  However, I think this is a personal decision, and nobody should be derided or called names b/c they make the decision not to wear their rings to a job interview.

And btw, it is *illegal* to ask about marital status at an interview.  Know your rights.

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