Don't you want your SO to take your side?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This scenario sounds like it could be seen as a bit confrontational? Was he just trying to keep the peace?

Right move probably would have been to agree with you and leave the store, honestly him confronting her even if it was to “work it out” sounds uncomfortable.

Most of the time my fiance agrees with me, has my back but there have been scenarios where I over react, or accuse someone of something and he calls me out on my shit. I never appreciate it at the time, but I can usually look back on it and agree that I should have just let it be. 

I’m not saying you’re wrong in this scenario, just offering my own perspective/experience.

Post # 3
Member
1597 posts
Bumble bee

It honeslty sounds like you overreacted in this situation. I wouldn’t have taken your side if I were your husband. But I also wouldn’t have gone back to get the cashier’s side of the story.

Post # 4
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

My husband would have walked out with me and been annoyed right along with me and listened to me vent, so I totally get what you’re saying.

I’d probably be upset if he always made a point of trying to play devil’s advocate. My best friend’s husband does that and it drives her NUTS. 

Post # 5
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Overjoyed :  I don’t think spouses are ever obligated to agree with their spouse just because they’re your spouse.  My Dh and I often disagree with each other about situations, or will often play devils advocate for the third person.  Just yesterday I had a fight with a friend and was complaining to Darling Husband, and he told me he thought I overreacted and owed them an apology which I still disagree with (basically they sent me a long message complaining they had a shit time at my wedding because they didn’t know anyone, even though I gave them a +1 that they declined to use, but that’s another story).  It probably doesn’t help that Darling Husband is a really nice person and I’m… well it’s not that I’m not nice, but I can hold a grudge for a short time, or don’t give forgiveness as easily, and I’m probably a bit more hot headed and argumentative.  

I wasn’t there so I can’t comment on the cashiers intentions or your reaction, however it sounds like your SO was trying to smooth the situation over, or had read the situation differently to you.  I think he has every right to do that.  That said, I think I too would get irrationally annoyed at him for a bit. 

Post # 7
Member
9744 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Overjoyed :  Wow, I would never have gone back in to get the “cashier’s side of the story”.  Not if you were my friend and definitely not if you were my spouse.  

I respect my spouse and friends enough that even if I think they are overreacting, I would never decide I needed to hear a “cashier’s side of the story” before deciding if they were allowed to leave the store without buying whatever item.  Seriously, the cost/benefit of doing that just makes no sense–were you trying to purchase life-saving drugs?  Was this a lexus on sale for $5? 

It’d have to be something really good (or you’d have to be threatening to punish the perpetrator in a way that’d be totally inappropriate if you were wrong) for me to decide it was worth basically telling my friend/spouse I thought so little of their perception that I felt it was on me to collect all stories before passing judgement.  You didn’t make a scene, you didn’t scream or stomp or call the police.. you walked out without making a purchase.  

(If you walk out of stores frequently for very questionable reasons I’d start to get really fucking tired of your behavior, but in that case I’d distance myself from you.. I still wouldn’t go and try and ask the cashier his side of the story.)

ETA: Telling you if i think you overreacted and trying to get you to see that, outside of earshot of the cashier and perhaps when you’d calmed down a bit, would be fine IMO.

Post # 8
Member
8855 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

She didn’t see you? Bullshit. It’s a line, how do you miss someone standing in a line?

I think he definitely should have had your back. I don’t need my husband to always agree with me and we can always talk about it at home, in private. But in public, in a situation like this I would expect that he be on my side and any issues he had with how it was handled we can talk about later.

And I really don’t think your reaction was out of line. It’s not like you threatened to fight her or were really even confrontational at all. You just left. Totally reasonable, in my opinion.

Post # 9
Member
4020 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would have been irritated if my husband put his stuff on the counter and walked out. I’m more patient than him though, I don’t get annoyed enough to walk out like that.

I probably would have stayed and purchased the stuff and then told my husband my thoughts… but I wouldn’t ask the cashier for her side, let alone go back in the store and ask.

I wouldn’t have left like you did, but I wouldn’t have gone back in like he did either.

Do you have any other examples?

Post # 10
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Overjoyed :  I havent read the other responses but I don’t care what other bees think 

My husband does this to and I keep telling him I’m ur wife your supposed to have MY side for normal stuff. Not some people we don’t even know 

Like wtf 

Post # 12
Member
9744 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

also I’ve definitely left stores if they skipped over me in line, and I’m sure it wasn’t race motivated cus I am pretty fucking white.  I’m not going to twist someone’s arm to take my money.  Typically I’ll say something first, as you did, but if they then shrug it off and continue serving whoever they chose instead of me I might be perfectly happy to leave. (Kinda depends what I’m buying and what my day looks like..)

So no, I dont think you overreacted.  I don’t think that’s the question at hand here, but apparently some people do.

ETA: saw your update.  Holy crap, who gives a fuck?  You can buy that shit literally anywhere.  Amazon will BRING IT TO YOU.

Post # 13
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

Overjoyed :  Ugh it sounds like he really really dislikes ANY rocking of the boat and doesn’t like being associated with your more assertive approach to life. Is he really passive in his own life?

Post # 14
Member
4020 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Overjoyed :  

Is it mostly with customer service? My husband has zero patience and gets angry very easily at customer service and I’m the patient one, trying to keep him from losing his temper. Maybe your husband is the opposite? Or does it happen outside of that too?

Post # 15
Member
7023 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yeah that would have pissed me off. Like @amanda said, I’ve left stores over not being helped when it’s my turn and as a white person I’m sure it wasn’t racially motivated. In your case, there’s def a chance it was, so all the more reason for your husband to have your back. Generally my husband is happy to bitch right along with me about any grievances I have lol, especially when it comes to customer service issues.

ETA: If I was totally irrational or genuinely behaved badly, he would stay something to me later in private, but I can’t imagine him ever correcting me like that in front of the person I was having an “altercation” with! 

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