(Closed) “Do’s and Don’ts for friends of the Pre-engaged”

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Very true post. I am married now, but DH and I dated for over 4 years before we got engaged. I got my share of those comments.

Years ago, I was on a different internet board and was venting about something that DH had done and that had upset and hurt me. Most of the ladies on that board were married and jumped at me: “He can do whatever the frick he wants, he is SINGLE!” “If he loved you, he would have married you by now!” “You are not in a real relationship anyway!”. I left that board quicker than anyone can type bye-bye!

Yes, you will hear a lot of hurtful and ignorant things when you are pre-engaged. Then, when you are engaged, everybody will have an opinion about your wedding. Finally, when you are married, everybody and their hairdresser will pester you about babies. Better grow a thick skin now and ignore those comments. In the end, everything will work out for you! 😉

Post # 4
2689 posts
Sugar bee

At this moment another friend said loudly to the group, “Well it’s not really working out for you guys. After all, you’re not engaged.

She needs to read about divorces/separations and “I married the wrong person” posts/articles. At one time they were going so well b/c they were engaged….just saying.LOL

Good article though. I’m certainly not sad. I just ignore those ppl or turn it back on them…which they hate.

Post # 5
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Some people are just assinine!

Having gotten that same question often due to living in Utah (people get married at ages 20/22 here, I am not Mormon and I’m in my 30s!), I would smile really cheezy and say, “When it happens, you’ll be the first to know!”

Post # 6
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@everalwaysrealtrue:  Wow!  I love this… this sums up so much for me.  Thank you for posting! 

I’ve been really bummed because I basically had a best friend NOT DO THIS yesterday:

Do: Last of all, please be nice to my boyfriend. Tell my mom how well he treats me. Tell me how much you like him.  Treat him like a grown up. He doesn’t need or want you to make “excuses” for him. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He doesn’t need to hear that people think he has commitment issues, doesn’t love me, can’t afford a ring, isn’t mature enough, or “is just not that into” me.  What he wants is for me to be happy. That’s why he’s the one for me.

She’s been really critical of my relationship with him lately saying he’s “immature” but “that’s okay because I know you love him.”  Really WTF is that about?  Sorry for the mini-rant.

Post # 7
26 posts

If I heard “make the engagement chicken” ONE MORE TIME, I was going to throw a chicken AT that person’s head.


Post # 8
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Such a great post! Thank you for sharing.

My SO and I have been together for two years and we are wait we call “unofficially engaged.” We know we are getting married and are even planning our wedding, but financial times are hard so we are waiting so we can do everything we want to do, since a lot of the financial burden falls on us on our own.

A lot of people ask us when we are getting engaged/married and I just tell them we are unofficially engaged and he is just waiting for the perfect moment. It feels like a cop out, but I wish people would just understand that we are happy!

Post # 9
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Awesome post. Thats really all I have to say besides the fact that I think your friend who said that it obviously wasnt working out was a bitch.

Post # 10
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

LOVE this!

Post # 12
1497 posts
Bumble bee

Love this too. Seriously, I’m so tired of hearing people tell me to just propose to him. As if the problem I’m having is simply not being engaged. If all I wanted to be was engaged then hell, I’ll declare myself engaged right this second. But I want to get married and for us, the engagement ring is merely a sign that we’re ready and prepared for marriage. Besides, me proposing to him is not an option either one of us really likes so it’s not a option at all. 

Just leave us be please! 

Post # 13
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is neat, thanks for sharing

Post # 14
42 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

THIS: “Call me new-fashioned, but I believe that as an educated woman in my late twenties with my own assets, ideas, experience and opinions, I shouldn’t be waiting on my partner to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives on his own.”

I hate when people say, “You’re not engaged because he hasn’t asked you yet.”

Just because he hasn’t gone through the formality of getting on one knee with a ring doesn’t make us not engaged. Has he “officially” proposed? No. Have we talked extensively about marriage and know for a fact we are getting married? Yes. Have I started planning? Absolutely. These days marriage is usually a mutual decision made by two adults to spend their lives together. Just because he hasn’t “asked” me doesn’t mean we aren’t serious about getting married. 

End rant, haha. 

Post # 15
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Love it!! I hate the “why dont you just propose to him” people. The last people to suggest that actually suggested it in front of him and he looked at them all deadpan and said “Because I would say no. I am the one that gets to do the asking because I want to plan that. She knows if she asks me that I would be dissapointed I didn’t get to ask her”. I was very happy he put it to them like that because hopefully theyll never suggest that to anyoen else again!

Post # 16
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Love this post! I don’t think people realize how hurtful their comments can be not only to us but our partners as well. An uncle of mine is constantly pestering me and him about when he is going to propose and it’s so bad my SO doesn’t want to even be around him anymore. His financial position is improving and he has promised it will be by the end of year so it’s not a matter of if he will propose but when. I know  people mean well, but they need to think about what they say before they say it.

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