Post # 17
@missmidwestbee: Well, I think there’s a big difference between looking and preplanning. Like, I enjoy looking at house listings. I know that at some point, I will probably buy a house. But, I’m not *planning* the type of house that I’ll buy. Because I simply don’t know where I’ll be in terms of desires 5 years down the road, or what my price point will be. I look to see what my options for housing would be in the area where I live, and where BluesGuy lives, and to see what you can get for X dollar figure.
I can think of two examples — and the main ones that I look at, when I’m doing my online peeking — when it comes to weddings.
1. Dresses: I hate, hate, hate corset backs. And I don’t want strapless. I know that this is not going to change between now and whenever BluesGuy asks. I just don’t like them, and I wouldn’t be comfortable in them. So it was comforting for me to look and see that OH HAI, dress designers do make more than corset-backed strapless dresses. And now I’ve got an idea of the dress that I want. In theory, I’ve seen the dress that *I* want, just based on it looking like what I find to be comfortable and stylish.
2. Budget: More than a year ago, before BluesGuy and I started dating, I was talking with my mother about weddings, and budgets, and how at 31, I figured I’d “aged out” of having my parents pay for a wedding. She corrected me, and said that no, of course not, and she’d figured probably $25,000. So I can look at venues, and knowing that I’ll have that budget, get an idea for what sorts of things we could afford, and what we can’t afford. I’ve got a list of about 10 venues that I’ve looked at and liked, and priced out in my head as being affordable. Have I got my heart set on any of those? Nope. But I know what is feasible and what isn’t.
Post # 18
You could say I’m doing research so I can have some ammo later.
My favorite grandmother’s engagement ring is just sitting in my parents’ locked safe and while I always said I want whoever proposes to me to get me a new ring, I also realized her center stone is about the same size I want and it’s beautiful. Plus, it would be nice to have a way to remember her. I’ve always said that I want a completely new ring so he’s under the impression he’ll have to drop 2K-3K. When he brings up that I want a nice ring, I can now intelligently say it’ll only cost $500 because you’ll only have to buy a setting and get it mounted! Ammo #1.
I’ve been also looking at places to elope because that could be Ammo #2. If it’s not expensive and not much planning will be involved then that could be another thing that speeds it up. He wants to elope and I could go either way (wedding or elopement)
I just want to be prepared in case he objects in the future and tells me why this process needs to be dragged out some more. That’s how I justify it to myself anyway. Only if he brings it up of course.
Post # 19
@wanttobemrsb: I am the same way. Around my boyfriend I only talk about wedding stuff if he brings it up. It’s reeeeally hard because we both have talked about a rough timeline and both of us agreed it should be less than a year. I want to say “Hey! Remember about that talk we had? Still applies! You should be getting on that. How’s about a status update? Kinda antsy over here!” My friends and family are not helping either- they are always bugging me too. It’s so funny that there’s alll this wedding buzz around our relationship and none of it is reaching my SO (Wait, did I say, “it’s so funny?” I meant it’s friggin exasperating as hell).
But I think you can max out on the wedding research on the DL. At least I think I have. I can recognize hairpieces from different designers by sight, now. I think that’s a pretty bad sign. 😉 Plus I know I can’t afford a really big splashy wedding anyway, so I’m afraid seeing all these amazing weddings online are only going to make me sad when my venue is a park instead of a winery and I have a deejay instead of a 5 piece motown band.
Good luck fellow waiting bee!