Double post! For ladies who have had a mc – period MIA? Jealousy?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I’ve just had my second and am waiting for AF as well, but I only had the D&C a week ago so it will be a few weeks yet.

After my first it took 5 weeks for AF to come. I had a similar experience where FF said I’d ovulated but then took the cross hairs away because my temps were so irregular. I posted on here really upset, then AF came the next day! So hopefully yours will come soon. 

Ugh and I can totally relate to you on other people getting BFPs. I had to see my pregnant SIL last night for the first time since she got pregnant. She knows about my miscarriage but hasn’t said anything, guess she feels awkward. I acted happy for her and asked all the typical questions to make it sound like I was excited, because what else can I do! I’m trying to let negative energy of any kind go. Just remember, your time will come, and you don’t know what’s going on in these pregnant women’s lives. They’re probably jealous of you for other reasons, everyone has some kind of issue going on that no one else knows they’re struggling with.

Good luck hun, I hope AF arrives soon. Last time I felt so much better once we were officially trying again.  

Post # 3
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. I was one of the lucky ones I guess- I got my period back exactly 4 weeks after my D&C, but a friend of mine didn’t get hers for about 8 weeks, so everyone’s different. I totally understand the jealousy. A friend of mine had her baby the same month I was due. I was ashamed that my jealousy kept me from going to her baby shower, but I needed to protect myself and she understood. This is a time where it’s important to practice self-care, even if it means putting yourself ahead of others, something that’s not always easy to do. It may always hurt a little. I still have a hard time sometimes when her son has a birthday or something like that because I still think I’d have a kid that age, even though I’ve since had a beautiful son who is my whole world. One day it won’t hurt as bad. I hope your period returns soon so that you can welcome a rainbow baby someday soon! Best of luck and lots of hugs!

Post # 4
Member
6444 posts
Bee Keeper

tm6173 :  I had a miscarriage back in late September and didn’t get my period until November!  A full 6-7 weeks.  

It’s incredibly tough dealing with a miscarriage and knowing people around you getting pregnant.  A friend and I were pregnant right around the time, our due dates were just a week within each other.  And I miscarried and she didn’t.  She’s still due in May.  And it was tough for a while.

It takes time, but you will  get over it, not right away, and not tomorrow.  Maybe not in a month.  But you’ll get pregnant.  Focus on you, not others.

Post # 6
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

tm6173 :  Have you had confirmation that your mc is complete? Was it natural or did you have a D&C? I’d probably put a call in to my doctor and maybe take a pregnancy test to make sure it’s negative and you don’t have residual tissue. Not to scare you but I had a D&C because I found out my miscarriage wasn’t complete (I had bled a week before and my doctor thought it was over but it wasn’t). Mine is a rare case but I’d just call and get my doctor’s opinion.

Post # 8
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

tm6173 :  

1) I miscarried November 3rd at 9 weeks and got my period December 19th, so almost 7 weeks later. This can be a how long is a piece of string situation really. Depends how far along you were almost other things, but it will be different for everyone. I can sympathise with how annoying it is waiting for it to show up though!

2) I asked a similar question in a post the other day and got some really helpful answers from other bees: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/delayed-emotions-after-miscarriage/

Totally feel you on this one though, it’s horrible feeling this way, but you’re definitely not alone. 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

tm6173 :  good that you got confirmation. I’d say give it a little longer then. Your body does weird things after a mc. I hope AF shows soon!

Post # 10
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee

It’s been fifteen long years, and I doubt that I will have a child.  And, even with years of therapy, I am intensely jealous of people who are pregnant.  

Post # 12
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee

tm6173 :  You didn’t honey. 

I may be jealous, but I still hope you succeed

Post # 13
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

tm6173 :  So you know my story, but it was a little over 5 weeks post-methotrexate before I got my cycle back. Granted my damn hcg was stupid (I say was because I haven’t had a draw for 4 weeks and it damn well better be back to zero tomorrow) but I was lucky enough to get back into cycles quickly enough. I gave up on trying to understand when to expect “normal” again. Miscarriages really do a number on our bodies. There is no average because everyone is different. Once I gave up trying to fit myself into the average, I felt better. 

I understand your frustration. It’s terrible enough to have a miscarriage, but then to wait around for a normal cycle is even worse. I made myself a long list of things to keep me busy – mostly chores and super deep cleaning items, but we also went on a date and I got back into a book series I really enjoyed years ago. I also knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to get my body on track any quicker, so instead I gave myself something I could focus on – my overall health. I run a 5k 3-4 times a day and really watch what I eat. It made me feel like I was doing something instead of sitting around waiting.

As far as jealousy goes, I think it’s completely normal. It feels terrible, but it’s not without reason. Right now, you have to take care of yourself and that sometimes means acknowledging awful feelings. Allow yourself to feel them and then move on. You don’t want to let it dominate your life, but you do want to acknowledge those feelings. They are valid and there is nothing wrong with them. As one of the PPs mentioned, you never know what someone else went through in their journey either. Just something to remember.

I know I’m being long-winded here, but take it from someone who has been waiting for a second chance for 14 weeks now. Be kind to yourself, do what you can to distract yourself and if you are really feeling like something might be wrong, call your doctor. Big hugs, this is one of the most difficult things you will have to face.

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