Post # 1
So me and my Fiance got into a pretty heated argument over the weekend. I’m not really the going out type at all. I don’t drink much and when I do, it’s just beer because I’m not a huge fan of hangovers. Well my best friend and Bridesmaid or Best Man asked me to go out with her and her cousin on Saturday night. I was over FI’s house and I said I might meet up with them later.
That never happened because Fiance blew his shiz when I told him I was planning on going out later! I understand in a way, I guess. But honestly, I could care less if he goes out with his buddies, I just like for him to let me know. I trust him 100%.
He told me that it’s different because girls turn “skanky” when they start to drink, and by the time they’re really drunk they don’t really care if they’re single or not. WTF. Really? Just because some girls are untrustworthy does NOT mean I am! I was taken aback, we never really had this discussion before which is weird since we have been together 4 years. But then he pulled the total bullshiz line of “I trust you, I just don’t trust other guys.” Ughhhh.
So in other words, it’s perfectly okay for him to go out with his friends, but I can’t go out wth mine. Oh, I lied. I CAN go out with my friends, just not to bars or clubs. What he doesn’t get is that they don’t go downtown or anything, they go to local bars where everyone I went to high schoool frequents and I’d like to see some friends again.
He knows I’m not a drinker and will probably volunteer to be the Dirty Delete, so I’m just not too sure why he’s being such a jerk over this.
Any of you bees have the same problem??
Post # 3
That’s not right.
I have never had this problem with Fiance. If he forbid me from going out I would not be coming back!
ETA: I dated a guy years ago who told me the same thing about trusting me but not trusting other guys. To me it’s the same thing in the end. Fiance and I are very open about everything.
Post # 4
It’s not as if he forbid me, more like strongly not wanting me to go. I could have gone if I wanted to and dealt with his small temper tantrum later, but I didn’t.
Post # 6
Sorry hun but this sounds like a transferrence case to me. I could be wrong, but typically when a guy explodes over nothing it means that they have done something wrong themselves. I had an ex who always cheated on me and constantly accused me of doing it. Since he is accusing girls of doing it I am thinking it is the shoe on the other foot. I could be way off base here, but that is what his reaction says to me.
Post # 7
Looks like we have some deeper insecurity issues and lack of trust.
You will have to stand your ground and assert your self with lots of communication, no storming out or proceeding with a vindictive nature.
Perhaps you can start just doing couples things when at bars or clubs, like you go when he is with boys and he goes when the girls. You can do alone time things that aren’t alchholically related.
Post # 8
No, I have honestly never had this problem. Darling Husband says that if he thinks a little too hard about me dancing with other guys he gets mildly annoyed, but other than that he’s fine with me going out.
Post # 10
See, he goes out MAYBE once every 2 or 3 months and I never even bat an eyelash. Now I’m freaking out because maybe he HAS done something that I don’t know about? Or maybe he was out and a married woman tried to hook up with him or something?
Man oh man, this is going to be a fun conversation tonight…
Post # 11
@JM1217: I wouldn’t mentally beat yourself up with scenarios but you guys do need to find out the source of why he feels that way about you going out with friends like that! It’s like saying it’s okay for him to maintain his independence but not for you…hell to the no! Hope everything works out!
Post # 12
Sorry to say, but I’m with the other bees in that this has never happened to me. My husband is fine with me going to happy hour after work with friends or even out at night with friends. I’ve never had an issue with him going out with his friends either. It’s a mutual trust and respect for each other. We both check in with each other while we’re out, but never have we given each other a temper tantrum for going out with our friends.
It sounds to me as if he has some major trust issues. I don’t believe the, “I trust you…just not other guys,” bit…to me, that’s basically saying he doesn’t trust you to fend off other guys’ advances. Not cool.
Post # 13
I dated a guy like that a loooong time ago. He said he trusts me but not other guys…ok then so if anything were to happen, it would be rape, right? He didn’t care for that logic…lol.
I would sit down with your man and have a rational conversation with him. Explain how you trust him to go out, etc etc….and he should trust you. Trust is key in a relationship!
Post # 14
@JM1217: Maybe he’s seen other girls act this way.
HOWEVER, the fact he knows your behavior pattern (ie: being the Dirty Delete and only one beer and not getting drunk) and yet still flipped out does point to some other issue.
As for me? My Fiance encourages me to go out (since I don’t get to do it often…kids and lack of a babysitter tend to make it more difficult) and wouldn’t care if we went clubbing, bar hopping, or dinner and movies. Or anything. Of course, I’m a VERY picky drinker and even when I do drink, my behavior doesn’t change. At all. Probably ’cause I don’t get drunk…. turn red and break out in an allergic rash? yep, get drunk? nope. (I can say this because I had three shots of not-light alcoholic mixes, four glasses of wine, and a mixed drink with gin in a glass used for scotch and wasn’t bothered at all. Not even a damned buzz.)
My fi is the same way, he can drink anyone under the table. I don’t care if he goes out with his friends and I encourage it. I only ask he be home before or around midnight, lol. Unless the kids are in school and it’s a weeknight, then I ask for him to be home sooner. I do the same.
Post # 15
my Fiance tried to give me the line of “I trust you its other guys I dont trust” a few times, but I swiftly nipped that one in the bud. That argument just doesnt work for me.Hes basically saying that if a guy came on to me while I was out, then I would be overhwlmed with desire and fall for it. WTH?I told him straight out,when he says that to me,he is implying that I am stupid and cant make up my own mind. After all, when he goes out with the guys, I trust him,but I just dont trust other girls,right?that shut him up pretty quickly.
So no,he doesnt stop me from going out,and he never would. I think you need to sit down and have another talk about where this is coming from.Try and keep it calm and dont get frustrated with each other,
Hope he can explain himself a bit better for you!
Post # 16
No that has never happened to me. Frankly, my Darling Husband knows if he tried that stuff with me, I would promptly give it the consideration that it deserves.