(Closed) Double Standards Deserve to be Flushed Down the Toilet!!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s not right. 

I have never had this problem with Fiance. If he forbid me from going out I would not be coming back! 

ETA: I dated a guy years ago who told me the same thing about trusting me but not trusting other guys. To me it’s the same thing in the end. Fiance and I are very open about everything.

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

Wow.

Post # 6
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sorry hun but this sounds like a transferrence case to me. I could be wrong, but typically when a guy explodes over nothing it means that they have done something wrong themselves. I had an ex who always cheated on me and constantly accused me of doing it. Since he is accusing girls of doing it I am thinking it is the shoe on the other foot. I could be way off base here, but that is what his reaction says to me.

Post # 7
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Looks like we have some deeper insecurity issues and lack of trust.

You will have to stand your ground and assert your self with lots of communication, no storming out or proceeding with a vindictive nature.

Perhaps you can start just doing couples things when at bars or clubs, like you go when he is with boys and he goes when the girls. You can do alone time things that aren’t alchholically related.

Post # 8
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

No, I have honestly never had this problem. Darling Husband says that if he thinks a little too hard about me dancing with other guys he gets mildly annoyed, but other than that he’s fine with me going out.

Post # 9
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s ridiculous!

Post # 11
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@JM1217: I wouldn’t mentally beat yourself up with scenarios but you guys do need to find out the source of why he feels that way about you going out with friends like that! It’s like saying it’s okay for him to maintain his independence but not for you…hell to the no! Hope everything works out!

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry to say, but I’m with the other bees in that this has never happened to me. My husband is fine with me going to happy hour after work with friends or even out at night with friends. I’ve never had an issue with him going out with his friends either. It’s a mutual trust and respect for each other. We both check in with each other while we’re out, but never have we given each other a temper tantrum for going out with our friends. 

It sounds to me as if he has some major trust issues. I don’t believe the, “I trust you…just not other guys,” bit…to me, that’s basically saying he doesn’t trust you to fend off other guys’ advances. Not cool.

Post # 13
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I dated a guy like that a loooong time ago.  He said he trusts me but not other guys…ok then so if anything were to happen, it would be rape, right?  He didn’t care for that logic…lol. 

I would sit down with your man and have a rational conversation with him.  Explain how you trust him to go out, etc etc….and he should trust you.  Trust is key in a relationship!

Post # 14
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@JM1217: Maybe he’s seen other girls act this way.  

HOWEVER, the fact he knows your behavior pattern (ie: being the Dirty Delete and only one beer and not getting drunk) and yet still flipped out does point to some other issue.  

 

As for me?  My Fiance encourages me to go out (since I don’t get to do it often…kids and lack of a babysitter tend to make it more difficult) and wouldn’t care if we went clubbing, bar hopping, or dinner and movies.  Or anything.  Of course, I’m a VERY picky drinker and even when I do drink, my behavior doesn’t change.  At all.  Probably ’cause I don’t get drunk…. turn red and break out in an allergic rash?  yep, get drunk? nope. (I can say this because I had three shots of not-light alcoholic mixes, four glasses of wine, and a mixed drink with gin in a glass used for scotch and wasn’t bothered at all.  Not even a damned buzz.)

My fi is the same way, he can drink anyone under the table.  I don’t care if he goes out with his friends and I encourage it.  I only ask he be home before or around midnight, lol. Unless the kids are in school and it’s a weeknight, then I ask for him to be home sooner. I do the same.  

Post # 15
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

my Fiance tried to give me the line of “I trust you its other guys I dont trust” a few times, but I swiftly nipped that one in the bud. That argument just doesnt work for me.Hes basically saying that if a guy came on to me while I was out, then I would be overhwlmed with desire and fall for it. WTH?I told him straight out,when he says that to me,he is implying that I am stupid and cant make up my own mind. After all, when he goes out with the guys, I trust him,but I just dont trust other girls,right?that shut him up pretty quickly.

So no,he doesnt stop me from going out,and he never would. I think you need to sit down and have another talk about where this is coming from.Try and keep it calm and dont get frustrated with each other,

Hope he can explain himself a bit better for you!

Post # 16
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

No that has never happened to me. Frankly, my Darling Husband knows if he tried that stuff with me, I would promptly give it the consideration that it deserves.

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