Post # 1
I did post a thread similar to this one a long time ago, pre-engagement and had come to terms with my feelings, but now that my wedding is a year away, and is really happening *squeal*, I am starting to get worried for like reasons and some new ones too. 🙁
My Fiance will be an encore groom. His first wedding was a huge, church wedding, with all the military bells and whistles (Cannons going off, gun salute, tons of guys in uniforms) plus the ex made sure to do some of those wonderful, fun things you brides to be post that you are doing for your wedding. Having a slide show of photos of them when they were babies to present day, made gorgeous party favors for everyone, etc, etc.. I don’t know all the details but I know when getting the last of her stuff that was stored in the basement I found her wedding “supplies” and the photo thing I found out because Fiance brought that part up.
We are planning on having a destination wedding. He will still be in his uniform for the ceramony only, (just before Sunset timing) which is going to be on a huge white seaside gazebo, then we are having a tiki-torch lit dinner on the beach (he will have course changed for this) no one else will be in uniform. Its going to be a very casual affair. Come as you are. No stress, no fuss, and 22 people is the guest list so chances are we will have maybe 15 at our wedding in actuality (He had hundreds with the ex, he said some aunts and uncles and cousins he had not seen since he was an infant and didn’t even know their names!)
Reception: (except with Tikis which are not shown here)
While pretty, I can’t help like I may be missing out. As inmature as it seems, I fear the exes wedding was ‘better’. I know he loves the idea of a destination wedding, and being able to actually speak to everyone at your dinner at the same time, in fact, he told me he hated the big affair. But I still fear a bit that I am not doing enough. I still want to WOW people.
What do you Bees think?
Post # 3
I am really sorry that you’re feeling this way. I think it is normal to have these sorts of feelings in this situation.
I would try to think of it as her wedding was different, not better.
You’re location looks beautiful and on top of that, you guys are celebrating your love for each other!
I am sure people will be wowed! Maybe you can talk to your Fiance and brainstorm on some ideas that would make you feel less doubtful about it?
Post # 4
I think your wedding sounds gorgeous. His first wedding may have been huge and elaborate, but this wedding was probably his ex wife’s vision and not his. And she’s his EX wife–you’re the woman he wants to be with. Also, from what I hear, it’s pretty common for people to want something smaller and more intimate for their second wedding. I’m sure you, and an intimate destination wedding, are exactly what he wants!
Post # 5
I would have LOVED to have a destination/intimate wedding. While the ex’s may have been “bigger” that doesn’t make it better. Your location is gorgeous, and seriously, if I could do it over again, I would have insisted on the smaller, intimate destination wedding (and maybe a big party with the whole family later). It would have saved us sooo much stress and aggravation!
Post # 6
my Fiance is an encore groom as well, and he’s been pretty good about being mum on how things went the first time around. With that said, I’m doing something PRETTY similar to their first wedding. Do I care? Not really – she’s his ex for a reason. Your Fiance has, for lack of a better term, “been there, done that” now he gets all the fun of doing it a second time around and experiencing it a new way (what bride wouldn’t want 2 weddings?! albeit to the SAME guy, but still, twice the fun!).
I wouldn’t sweat it. Think about how stressed out his first wife must have been trying to plan all those details. I think a destination wedding with 22 guests is much more intimate and personal than having people there you don’t know. Not only that, but that gazebo is AMAZING and I’d kill to have my ceremony there!
Post # 7
I love the pics- so stunning. I can imagine that it is hard for you, but I really do not think you will be missing out on anything, you can still dress-up, make party favours and do everything you want, only small scale. You can really make a small wedding so much more intimate and special. I read this great idee on one of the posts to write each guest a thank you note (a personal one) and I started thinking…okey, we have 70 ppl coming to our wedding (but really, I only want and can say something personal or special to maybe 25 of them). So in the end, it does not matter how many ppl attend, only a few will really matter to you and YOU dont have to worry about 40 odd’other ppl’, only the special ones will be there.
His ex might have had one big day, but you have HIM every day!
Post # 8
i think the gazebo is beautiful! and the dinner sounds amazing with the tiki torches and everything, very romatic! i personally would love to attend a Destination Wedding like that.
honestly if i could do my wedding all over again i would go Destination Wedding and do exactly what you are doing – its intimate and personal that always means alot more than having 30 to 40 people you barely know at your own wedding.
Here is an idea that is great for Destination Wedding weddings (flying paper lanterns) they are great beacause you can do it over the ocean so its a little safer than doing it just anywhere and they are beautiful and people will remember them always. have them make a wish for you two before setting them off – or a wish for themselves.
just find things here and there that will make it stick out as YOUR wedding.
Post # 9
If he is happy witha destination wedding then I wouldnt worry about it.. he probably doesnt want to repeat the exact same big wedding as before. I think its great that you are doing something totally different so he cant compare one wedding to another because they are so different
Post # 10
Thanks for the responses everyone, and you guys are absolutely correct. My sensible self knows this. I just hope that his family won’t be disappointed. I guess that is what I am truly afraid of… them thinking our wedding is ‘half a$$ed’ compared to the last one.
That plus this is my first and only wedding, so I don’t want to skimp on stuff for myself, but I have always envisioned a sea side wedding, and a smaller one too. But there are fleeting moments where I wish I could invite coworkers, my hairdresser, friends who are now just aquaintances, etc.
TotheIslands: What are these paper lanterns you speak of?
Post # 11
I’ve been to both intimate and enormous weddings and far prefer the former. Nothing wrong with expansive guest lists and lavish affairs, but there’s just something special about knowing that you’re part of small, carefully selected group sharing a moment with the couple. That you’re there because they want you, specifically, and not because they needed someone to round out Great Aunt Tilly’s table.
Having said that: Dude. Can I get an invite to tropical paradise?
Post # 12
This will be my groom’s second wedding…lucky for me though, they never had a ceremony at all!
But I can definitely see where you would feel insecure. The best advice that I can give is just try not to compare yourself and your wedding to hers. Easier said than done, but even though their wedding might have been beautiful, the marriage wasn’t because it ended!
I try to look at everything being a clean slate, because I used to keep myself up wondering if I was better than her, etc. I know your wedding will be gorgeous and intimate, and you’ll get to spend the rest of your life with an amazing man.
Post # 13
My friend married her current husband in the SAME CHURCH he and his ex got married in. But everyone remembers her wedding because she really made it theirs, and he was so happy with how it turned out. Your location is gorgeous.
Plus, no one really goes into weddings thinking “Oh my, look at the tasteful flower arrangements and monogrammed napkins. I sure hope the next wedding I attend pays this much attention to detail.” They go in happy for the couple, happy to be eating good food, and happy to be dancing to catchy music.
I’m a big believer that if a wedding has a joyous vibe, that’s all that matters. Your wedding will be amazing, don’t worry about it another second.
Post # 14
Like other PP’s, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. As much as you can see and understand the logical side of things, sometimes the emotional side takes over.
I think your wedding will be beautiful! Your location is fabulous. Sometimes having more people doesn’t mean a better wedding. An small wedding, to me, seems to have much more intimacy. Those people who will be there will remember it forever.
Post # 15
@Oneeleven: They look like this!
we did them on the honeymoon – the resort had a huge bonfire and we got to set these off..it was really beautiful and i thought it would be awesome for a wedding
Check ebay! or google shopping
they arent very expensive
Post # 16
Those pictures WOWed me!! Your venue is beautiful, and while I get what you’re saying, I think that your wedding will be twice as special because it will be intimate. And like other bees said, you can still do those extra touches that will personalize your wedding and make it memorable for everyone.