(Closed) Doubts

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4930 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly, no.

Post # 4
Member
8613 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Nope.

Post # 5
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@roxirose:  Yes and no. It’s confusing to explain.

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Nope. I want this marriage vastly more than anything related to the wedding.

Post # 7
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nope.

Post # 8
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

No. I have thought “omg we’re getting married?!” but never wondered if I should marry him.

Post # 9
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

yes

we are older with 2 marriages each behind us, he has custody of 2 kids and 2 ex-wives that wear me out

Post # 10
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

With this one, no. With the first two men I was engaged to, yes. I should have listened to my instincts!

Post # 11
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t doubt marrying him, but I do have moments of slight panic like, “Holy crap, this is real, I will always have to take someone else’s opinion into account and share my house and split family holidays and not get annoyed when things are out of place in the house and deal with stinky man stuff etc etc.” It isn’t doubt about marrying him but just realization that this is FOR REAL and even in the best situation is a huge life adjustment. I am okay with those moments of anxiety, I think they show I have a realistic view that it won’t all be puppies and rainbows but will take conscious work and choices. I also have an over-thinker personality so this is a normal feeling for me.

Post # 12
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Haha, yes. I often overthink things, and it’s easy to forget how you feel when you are away from them (our last 6 months before the wedding we’ll be living in separate states D: ).

Thinking about him or myself doesn’t help as much as thinking about us does. What I mean is making the effort to remember how we work together, how our conversations flow and our personalities fit like puzzle peices. Yes, sometimes we surprise each other and I feel like I am marrying a stranger for a brief moment. However time works everything out, it seems. We’ve been dating for almost 5 years and I’m starting to recognize the “tides” of our relationship. 

Also don’t underestimate the effect society has on you. Some are very strong and have their opinions no matter what, which is very good for them. However I’ve realized that while I am unyeilding to strangers, those who I am very close to have a huge impact on me. So if my sister/mother/best-friend-of-1000-years asks a question or makes an observation that may be very wrong, it will still needle its way into my mind and will no doubt come up in a conversation between the SO and I. You may find that questions/comments strike you in this way, and cause doubts that were not there before. Talk to your SO. Be fully honest with them and yourself, acknowledge the fact that your worries may be unreasonable (just as they can be at other times, so give some lenience in return). It’s okay to have illogical feelings, but how you react to them is what matters. 

Sorry for the wall of text! Hope this helps a bit. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not engaged, but I know I will never NOT experience doubts about such a big life decision, no matter who I am engaged to… I love my SO very much and have no doubts about him being the person I want to marry, but marriage is a very serious committment, and there are always things you can’t account for; people change, sometimes unpredictably. I am a “worrier”, though, so it would be unlike me not to play out all of the what-ifs. I don’t think having doubts about marriage in general automatically means you shouldn’t marry someone, as long as they’re not specific to the person you are marrying. Having general doubts and fears about the future is normal, as long as they’re not overwhelming and only occassional. 

Post # 14
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@NAvery:  THIS.  You nailed it. 

I love my Fiance, he’s my best friend, and we are so good together but when I start over analyzing I can freak myself out.   Actually I spent the first week of our engagement secretly freaking out and doubting myself, but once it sunk in that it was for real I was okay.  It’s such a big step agreeing to marry someone and spend the rest of your life with them, that you want to make sure it’s the right choice.  I think it’s okay to have concerns and take time to decide what you really want… actually I’m not sure that I would ever be 100% on anything/anyone (I am like 99% though lol), but that’s just my personality and how I’ve been my entire life.  Honestly though, if you have that feeling in your gut then go for it and stop fighting against it. 

Post # 15
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

With my first two engagements, (mostly my 1st since the 2nd was VERY short) Alllll the time! But that’s why I broke up with them. With my current Fiance, not at all. I love him more than anything and I am so excited to be his wife in 6 months! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

not about him necessarily, but about marriage in general. 

I worry and catastrophize about everything – it’s just my personality and I do it about everything. It wouldn’t be like me to NOT wonder about all the what-if’s in this scenario, too. 

Doubts are normal, but there are “bad” doubts and “normal” doubts from what I have read.

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