(Closed) Doubts about getting married to my fiancé

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: What should i do?

    Call off the engagement?

    Get married to my fiancé?

    ( show poll results )

    • Post # 16
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    autumnmarvel :  Yes, an arranged marriage but he fell in love with me. I’m not so sure if i ever will. Your comment is very helpful.

    Post # 17
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

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    kittytwo :  Yes, it was arranged.

    Post # 18
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    Honestly, it doesn’t sound like he truly loves you. He wanted to marry you after seeing a photo. He barely just met you. He saw you like 5 times. My dear, that’s not true love. Love takes time. That’s attraction, a crush, puppy love, not the true love which gets deeper every day. Don’t marry this guy because you think he loves you so much. He doesn’t. He loves you “on paper” just like you do him. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

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    glitterandshine :  The only thing my fiancé can do to make me feel differently is to change himself, become less like him and more like me. Does that seem like it’s possible? No one can do that and even if he tried, i would love him for someone i want him to be, not someone he is. He is so willing to change even the smallest thing i dislike that it makes me feel worse about myself.

    Post # 20
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t think i can postpone the wedding. Both his family and mine have their minds set to have the wedding in 7 months. I can talk to him about it since he is pretty much willing to do anything i ask him to, but i’m scared of holding it off and then saying no later. And how would postponing help? We don’t even live in the same country and i don’t feel like talking to him. He has absolutely no idea i feel this way. And honestly, everyone i know (including my parents) would think i’m crazy to call off a wedding when everything seems so perfect. I know people are going to tell me that i’ll fall in love with him once we’re married. That is why i needed to know from you guys if that would be the right decision to make. Which would be worse?…regretting leaving him or regretting staying with him? I could be happy with him but i am not attracted to him and that bothers me so much.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    2030 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    sk13579 :  Do not postpone. Call off the wedding. You don’t love the true him. It’s not fair to anyone to drag this out any longer. You said your parents would be happy to let you marry for love. Let them know you don’t love him and don’t think you ever will. You have lots of time to find the right person.

    Post # 22
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    Would i do him wrong if i call off the engagement? What if i call off the engagement and never find someone as good as him? What if i find everything i’m looking for and that guy doesn’t treat me as good as my fiancé does? It’s not even easy to call off the engagement when i’m not sure. How can i be sure?

    Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do and how do you feel about it now? 

    P.S: i’ve been thinking about this so much that it has given me a headache and a fever. I feel like i’m not ready to deal with this. Will i be happy about my marriage knowing that i’ve felt this way?

    Post # 23
    Member
    11376 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    sk13579 :  take this within the context of your culture, because I wouldn’t normally be blasé about an arranged marriage. I’ve seen that arranged marriages can work, but bee, a marriage is for the rest of your life. 

    What are you going to do 40 years from now when your kids are grown and he’s not working and all you have is time to talk to each other.

    some people don’t require great intellectual stimulation and they might value being taken care of first and foremost. You seem to want more, and that’s my concern. 

    its possible to have a marriage to someone who is as smart as you, makes you laugh, etc. the risk is, it could take a while to find that person. Of course I think it’s worth that time and risk, but your values might vary.

    Post # 24
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Going along with this and marrying this man will be the easiest option, and will likely make him and your families happy.

    However, it sounds more than likely that you will not grow to love this man and will be deeply unhappy. That will be more difficult to live everyday rather can calling this off now. You simply cannot force yourself to love someone you do not. I think you owe yourself more than to do the easy route here. You deserve to be happy and to have a fantastic, love of a lifetime, not just a life of contentment.

    Post # 25
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    BalletParker :  This makes so much sense. Very helpful.

    Post # 26
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee

    You don’t want to marry him, and he deserves someone who loves him back. You both deserve happiness and love, and it looks like you won’t get that if you stay. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, or you’re a bad person. Just not marriage material together.

    Call it off!

    Post # 27
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I would call off the marriage just as much for him as I would for you.  Both of you deserve to be with someone you are attracted to and love.  You would be doing him wrong if you marry him knowing that you probably won’t be capable of feeling either of those things for him.  I would appreciate honesty and forthrightness even if it hurt my feelings rather than find out some time later that my partner was living a lie.  

    Post # 28
    Member
    3434 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m sure there are arranged marriages that work out. However, you clearly do not want to do it. I understand you have cultural pressures, but you get one life. I wouldn’t marry this guy if I were you.

    The topic ‘Doubts about getting married to my fiancé’ is closed to new replies.

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