Post # 1
I need help! I’m starting to have doubts. I know I love my fiance, but I’m starting to doubt the fact that we are going to last forever.
I’m thinking that my doubts are fueled by the fact that he has been unemployed for the last year. It’s frustrating to work a full day when he just hangs around doing nothing. Its getting to the point where we fight every night. I hate the fact that I work my ass off and he barely applies to any jobs. I’m starting to get really annoyed by just looking at him when I come home at night. On the flip side, I love him with all my heart.
Are my doubts due to the fact that I’ve been really frustrated lately? Are they normal?
Post # 3
Um, I think doubts are normal to an extent. I doubt everything I do. I’m an incredably indecisive person. I am terrified to get married in general, but I have no reasons to think that my Fiance will be anything but a great husband.
If you’re concerned about something in particular (like his unemployment, or lack of _____________), you should make sure to clear this up prior to the big day. Either that, or question yourself as to whether it’s something you can deal with for a lifetime.
Post # 4
I think there is a difference between normal doubts about a relationship, fear of marriage, etc, and the kind of feelings you’re having. I think most of us would be bothered if our FIs were unemployed that long and not 100% invested in getting a job, and for good reason! As @virginiamarie pointed out, think about how you would feel if the current situation continued forever. I’m guessing you would not want to sign up for that. Getting married when there is a huge, ongoing, unresolved issue in the relationship is not the best idea, and I would make it clear to Fiance that it needs to get resolved in the next couple of months so that the relationship can continue.
I’m wondering, how long have you known FI? Is he generally not an ambitious person? Also, how are you paying for the wedding if he’s not working?
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice. GirlWithARing – we’ve been together for 5 years, and engaged for 1. He used to be a very ambitious person. The problem is he will ONLY apply to jobs in his related field and won’t expand his search. We’re paying for the wedding with the help of our parents – we’re lucky in this regard. But, we also need to contribute, and I mean, we will make it work, but it will be tight.
I know he is frustrated and so he is down on himself. And I’ve been super supportive of the situation we’re in. But it’s the little things that annoy me beyond belief – for example, I asked him to go to the supermarket for a few items one day while I was at work. I come home, and he is JUST heading out. Like, what were you doing for the 10 hours I was out at work? To me, little things have always been important to me. And this is frustrating.
I love him, and I love his family. And I want to take care of him and spend the rest of my life with him. I just am worried that the life I see in 2-3 years won’t become a reality based on our current situation. Does that make sense?