(Closed) DOWN A BRIDESMAID – i have questions for all !!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would offer to pay her for the dress if she will give it to you. If she will not give you the dress, do not pay her for the dress.

I would offer to refund her the money she paid for the bachelorette party.. 

I would not ask for the money for the gift card for her hair back..

 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

if you want the dress you give her the money spent on it

if she paid for the b-party you refund it to her

you also ask her for the gift card back but i wouldnt hold your breath

btw, what is your brothers response? did he break up with her because otherwise is she going to be there as his guest?

yikes….

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Gosh… what a difficult situation!

I’m no expert, but my gut reaction says ‘pay for the dress (and take it back from her), pay for the party, let write the gift card off as a loss, and run far far away.’ seems like paying her to get outta your life, but she seems … worth it. hehee…

Seriously, I’d say the stress level associated with dealing with her is going to be worth more than whatever financial amount it takes to essentially ‘buy her’ out of your life as quickly as possible.

If she, when not intoxicated, is even a little understanding about the situation,  you could ask her to return the gift card (since she likely won’t use it for anything else at the salon, right?), but $65 in the grand scheme of things isn’t THAT much if she throws a fit about it. Certainly doesn’t seem worth dealing with her over.

Post # 7
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Yikes, I have to assume that she and your brother are no longer dating after all this stuff happened?  I think if I were in that situation, I’d probably do whatever was easiest to deal with.  I think I’d probably offer to reimburse her for the dress (and/or the Bachelorette party) in return for her not being involved anymore and giving you the dress back.  Although, honestly, if you think she’s going to freak out if you ask her for the money, at this point, I’d probably just let it go.  If it were me, I’d want to deal with her as little as possible, so if you didn’t get the money back or the other Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, oh well.

Post # 8
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you can certainly ask for the dress (and give her the money she paid for it), but don’t be surprised if she doesn’t agree to it.

I’d also call on the auspices of wanting to give her back the money for the bachelorette – and then talk about the dress from there.

Don’t ask for the gift card back. 

Post # 10
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Even if the reservations were split evenly without an option for a refund.. I would pay her the money she paid for it. Otherwise she has every right to come to your B party, she did pay for it! So if you are asking her not to come, it’s only right she be refunded.

I said not to ask for the gift card back because it would be a pain in the butt.. I would rather be out a gift card then deal with it.

 

Post # 11
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If she paid for the dress, then the dress is hers.  Forget about refunding her for that, then.

If she paid to be part of the bachelorette, you definitely need to refund her the money ASAP – especially if she’s ‘that’ type of person.

Post # 13
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

It’s her dress until you pay for it, so no, you can’t take her to court if she ruins it. You can’t ask for the gift card back, because it’s rude. Don’t stoop to her level. Also, as far as the b-party goes, if she doesn’t go, she deserves her money back. If you can’t pay her back, she is entitled to go. Since I’m sure she doesn’t want to go anymore then you want her to, let her know that you will pay her back asap.

Post # 14
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Maybe the other bridesmaids can help pitch in the difference so it isn’t so much of a financial strain? I think paying her back for the B party is your only reasonable option

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

btw, you sound like your brother and her havent broken up over this.. yikes, this can get uncomfortable so goodluck

 

Post # 16
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@Eloping… it looks like she says in the OP that the Girlfriend is now the xGF, so there’s a little less potential for drama, lucky for everyone!

Yikes.  Definitely one of the few reasons it’s ok to kick a Bridesmaid or Best Man out, sorry you’re going through this.  And I hope your sister is ok.  Since she bought the dress, it’s hers.  You can buy it from her, but she can also say no.  Bachelorette… she did technically buy into the party, so unless she gets her money back, she’s kind of entitled to be there.  You don’t want that.  Ignore the gift cards, or say that they’re part of her bachelorette reimbursement 🙂

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