Post # 1
To make a long complicated story short, my brother and his very long term girlfriend broke up this past weekend, leaving me short a bridesmaid. She was like another sister to me, and I have no doubt that our friendship is ok, but to avoid any drama I’m going to have to tell her she can no longer be in the wedding unless she bows out herself. The dresses are already ordered and we have already asked all the groomsmen to be in the wedding. I know a lot of people aren’t bothered by uneven sides, but I have a thing with stuff matching and even numbers.
So, should I suck it up and have one less bridesmaid than groomsmen, or ask a friend this late in the game and hope that they don’t think I am just asking them to ask them? My brother has also offered to not be in the bridal party, but that’s not really something I want to do. What do you guys think?
Post # 3
I don’t understand why, if she is still your friend and “like another sister” to you, you don’t keep her in the bridal party. I am sure that both her and your brother are grown up enough to be civil during your ceremony and reception.
Post # 4
as your wedding isnt until Sept next year i would give it some time before making a decision
as they were long term they might get back together – if it was a long term relationship then maybe this is a time out for them/him/her to sort out if they are going to take the next step or break up for good
Post # 5
@noritake22: I have no doubt that they would act like grownups, however, it wasn’t the most amicable breakup in the world. While I know that neither would start something with the other, I don’t want my brother feeling uncomfortable in any way.
@eloping: Right now I really don’t think they will. I’m concerned with it now because the dresses were ordered and the groomsmen were going to go for their suits soon (they are purchasing). I don’t want anyone putting out more money than they have to and also don’t want to be asking someone to be in the wedding with only a few months to go.
Post # 6
i say no to asking someone else. i understand that even numbers are important. but even if they don’t get back together, maybe enough time will have passed so that your brother won’t be uncomfortable. i also wouldn’t say anything to her right now. i am guessing since the break up is fresh, your wedding is not on the top of her mind. she might very well step down on her own and that would be the easiest thing for you since it would be her choice and you can reasonably ask someone else without them offended for being second choice. maybe even wait 1 – 2 months before talking to her about if she doesnt say something first. that still leaves lots of time to figure out dresses. and i would definitely not take your brother on his offer. he is probably hurting now too. but imagine the wedding day comes and both are present and totally fine with everything, just unfortunately not standing up with you.
Post # 7
@dynamic_duo: I agree with this advice. There’s no reason to make the decision now, I would at least give her some time to recover from the break up before approaching her about this.
Post # 8
I agree with Jayce.
I have a sister that I do not trust because she messed up my other sisters wedding and made a mockery of her own. I previously asked her to be a bridesmaid and I retracted the offer, however now I have a groomsman that I need to “demote”. I don’t like the odd numbers also, bt mostly because I don’t trust her. It is your day, you do have some time but if you don’t want someone to be upset, maybe you can talk to these two and vocalize your concerns. Maybe they might put you at ease. Good luck!!
Post # 9
My thoughts are that although she has felt like a sister during the time she was with your brother, it’s likely that over the months/years you wlill probably grow apart (and photos last forever!). Therefore I can understand you wanting to not have her in the bridal party anymore.
I’d be inclined to ask another friend – true friends will understand and be happy to help you out. At the same time, if you can’t find anyone appropriate, I wouldn’t stress about the uneven numbers as it really doesn’t matter on the day! I’d definitely keep your brother in the bridal party.
Post # 10
@nqz100: Your wedding is in September? That’s 10 months away. If it bothers you that much, I don’t think it’s too late at all to ask someone new although personally, I would just leave the numbers uneven if it comes to that.
Post # 11
Totally wait it out! Dont stress it until you have to! Like others said, they could always get back together, you remember that dating game dont ya!?! lol Hope it works out for everyone in your situation!
Post # 12
Thanks for the opinions! Since I posted this, she’s shown what are apparently her true colors–They definitely are not getting back together, and she is definitely out. Brother is staying in the wedding party, I told him that wasn’t up for negotiation the day he offered to step down. So it looks like I am going to be on the hunt–I am a little weird about numbers, even-ness, etc.
Post # 13
I’m reviving this thread because basically the samething just happened with my brother and his long term gf / my bridesmaid. Only difference is I only have 5 months to the wedding. I would not be as concerned except for the fact that I had only asked 3 girls to begin with, now down to 2 so I feel like I want more.
OP, what did you end up doing?
Does anyone else have advice to add?