(Closed) Down two bridesmaids :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

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besthyperbole :  aw, bee, this does suck. I’m not yet engaged, but when it happens I’ll have 2-3 girls in my party. Tbh, I care for them all, but there’s 1 out of the bunch I care about most. I’ve known her since childhood, she was around when SO first started dating in HS, she’s closer to me than my sisters, and her family is like mine. She’s mildly into planning/decorating, but all I could care about is her support. I’m glad your Future Sister-In-Law can be there for you and you adore her. Maybe your Future Sister-In-Law can step up and be moh? 

Are you able to accomodate the one BMs wedding attire? 

Post # 3
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I can relateeeee! I live 15000 km away from my family and friends. I live abroad for almost three years now and only have very few good friends here. I wouldve had 3 Bridesmaid or Best Man but one just bailed out because of something (very long story). And it’s not a tradition or habit here for the bridal party to help the bride whatsoever. So I am basically alone. From those two bridesmaids, only one is being total in supporting me. So. Yea.

Luckily. My fiance is basically acting as my wedding planner. He knows the situation with my BMs and he knows how i feel. He is the one calling ALL the vendors because they dont speak english and i am very limited with local language (definitely not in the level of being able to negotiate). Except for photographer and make up artist (they speak english fluently), he’s been handling everything with me! This wedding prep really shows how much of a team we are.

Still. Loneliness and truth about who my real friends are, hits me hard at times. But you can do this Bee and you will be fine! If you can afford it, maybe you can offer helping that friend who is struggling financially to attend the wedding? Also try to focus on people who are already with you, like your Future Sister-In-Law, and just enjoy being with them. Sometimes it’s so easy to be distracted by what could’ve been than to see what actually is. I know it’s easier said than done but I am always telling myself “okay they cant be with me. But A and B and fiance and Future Sister-In-Law are with me. Thats not bad. And theyre cool. Ok lets do this.” I think im saying that to myself literally everyday now. Lol

Post # 4
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

It’s hard. I’m  living abroad and planning to get married here. Haven’t got as far as asking friends about being BMs but there’s only one who I’m counting on coming  the others I would ask, I suspect they won’t be able to travel. It’ll be sad not to have them sharing that day with me. But I can’t do anything about that. I’m glad your Future Sister-In-Law and you get on so well. If your wedding is so far away, is there any chance things could change for the second one? 

Post # 5
Member
2372 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Your wedding isn’t until a year and a half away, things could be totally different by then! It is way too soon to think you won’t have bridesmaids, or even that the first 2 girls will absolutely not be there. 

Usually the rule is, ask the wedding party 6 months before the wedding. So forget about it for about 8 months.

Post # 6
Member
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

This does stink but you have plenty of time.

Post # 7
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee

I only have 3BMs.  One is my sister.  Originally I had 2.  I think a small wedding party can be kind of nice.  I understand the feeling though.  I was bummed too.

Post # 8
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

18 months away? many things can change. The BMs could put 25 bux aside every week and their expenses would  be covered. How about giving them air miles?

Post # 11
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

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besthyperbole :  Sounds like you’re being very reasonable about the whole thing. You’re allowed to be disappointed but don’t swell on it – and it seems like you aren’t. Living abroad also means I can commiserate about having to adjust to life far away from your friends. At least there’s texting, facebook, whatsapp and skype! As well as good old-fashioned letters.

Post # 12
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

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besthyperbole :  A lot can change in 1.5 years and people can still rise to the ocassion. Maybe give it 6 months before writing them off as bridesmaids? 

Your second friend cannot show up for your wedding because she is currently struggling with work and life in general but who is to say the situation will not improve. Hopefully she is not using her problems as an excuse to not show up. Is it possible that she wants to be there as a guest and not as your BM? In that case send her an invitation!

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