(Closed) Downgrading a ring? Did my fiancé spend too much ?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Okay I totally get it! Mine was with smaller amounts of money but still. Fiance was looking at 1k+ rings and I was like hell no! We ended up agreeing eventually.

if you downgrade and save money I think you should spend it of something fun for him or both of you so it can still be seen as engagement money! 

Post # 47
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
AmeliaMW: 

1. You deserve a nice e-ring. Your Fiance certainly thought so! Let him do this one thing for you. He also didn’t care about whatever your parents or peers might think about the appropriate amount to spend so don’t let these people give you doubts too.

2. If he feels like he got ripped off, let him go to the jeweler and handle it. It’s his issue and you might unintentionally complicate things if you’re telling him that he shouldn’t have spent the money and/or telling him that you want a less expensive ring.

Post # 48
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

did he see the diamond before he bought the ring? If the inclusions are visible now, he would have been able to see them without a loupe at the store.  Did you tell him about the inclusions?  Because otherwise how would he know about them after he gave you the ring?  Or did he know before and it was just starting to bother him now.

just curious, because if he noticed on his own it would seem reasonable he would deal with it before he gave you the ring.  If it bothers you so much then exchange it.  10K isn’t extravagant for a ring so I wouldn’t worry about that part

Post # 49
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

Okay it seems like you’ve sorted out the first part of your post now, about feeling funny to have a ring that cost so much – so that’s good!

The next part, feeling like it was maybe overpriced and he doesn’t like the visible inclusion… I don’t know much about diamonds so I googled the clarity, and it seems like one should expect some inclusions visible to the naked eye in a SI2 diamond. When Fiance asked for a ring “eye clean” in my (very limited) opinion the jeweller should have sold him a SI1. IF your Fiance isn’t happy with the purchase then it’s worth going back to the jeweller I think. As for the price, other bees would know better than me, but I think you definitely have to expect to pay more from a local bricks and mortar jeweller than somewhere like blue Nile. 

Post # 50
Member
4640 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
jily:  i 100% agree.

Post # 52
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think you should keep your ring. $10K isn’t that bad. To me, it wouldn’t be worth the effort it would take to exchange it, plus going to a 1ct, higher quality, might be negligible, price-wise.

Also, don’t talk about the price of your ring with anyone. Family included. You’re just inviting drama and judgement. If anyone asks, tell them it’s none of their business. Or be vague like, “it cost a fair bit” Or “I don’t know”. They’ll get the picture. No matter the price, high or low someone will have something to say about it. So it’s easier just not to bother. 

Post # 53
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Fknpug:  ‘Oh god, shut up. She didn’t mean it that way.

The term equates a particular ethnic group with being con artists. There is no other way to mean it. It’s the same as using the term ‘jew down’. As someone with a hint of Rom in her, I have every right to point out that it is a racial slur. Which is all I did. Didn’t jump down her throat. Didn’t launch into a diatribe. [Post moderated for name calling]

 

Post # 54
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

[post moderated for snark]

Post # 55
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

For fuck’s sake, I’m not offended by it because I’m some overly PC person running around with a chip on my shoulder being butthurt by everything. I’m offended by *this* particular term because it’s a negative stereotype of an ethnic group to which I belong. Just because it’s an ethnic group you don’t give two shits about and doesn’t affect you personally doesn’t mean it’s still not a slur. And I’m sure as shit not the only person that thinks it is. Google it if you feel otherwise. I have every right to point out, as I did, that it is. I wasn’t a fucking bitch about it nor did I jump down anyone’s throat, as I said in my other post. I simply pointed out, validly, that it *is* a slur. And for that I get told to shut up and get over it, snarkily and snidely. How lovely. 

I would hope that if someone made a comment, unknowingly or knowingly, that was offensive to a group you belonged to in some way and you pointed that out, you’d be met with a bit more empathy and understand than I was here. In the future, instead of telling people to shut up and get over an offensive you don’t understand, maybe just saying ‘fair enough’ and moving along might be more the route to go./threadjack

 

 

 

 

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  MrsYokiman.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  MrsYokiman.
Post # 56
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
yerle:  And that post was in reply to you. ^

I can’t edit my post to tag you as clicking on ‘edit’ is taking forever and is all fucked up. 

Post # 57
Member
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

You and your fiancee have to decide together what the right amount of money to spend on a ring is.  Whatever makes both of you happy and comfortable is what is “right”.  If he really wanted to spend that 10k, then you might need to compromise and end up with a ring that is larger than your ideal.  If he just did it because he thought it’s waht you wanted, you might be able to find a ring that is the size you wanted and save you both a lot of money. 

There is no right size, or right amount to spend on a piece of jewlery.  No one else can tell you how to spend your money.  🙂

As an anecdote, my girlfriend really didnt want an expensive ring, so she made her Fiance return the ring he proposed with and buy himself a mountain bike instead, so they could go mountain biking together.  She got a much less expensive ring off of etsy.

 

 

Post # 58
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel

View original reply
AmeliaMW:  

Hey! I just wanted to say that I’m glad you’re ignoring those people with the deep psychological assessments of you. I was also uncomfortable with wearing an expensive ring for many reasons (I have a tendency of being hard on jewelry, etc) but NONE reflected any psychological issue.

When I received mine, I just got it insured straight away and eventually got used to it. It was really important to my fiancé that he chose my ring for me and that it represented us.

Anyways, I understand your feelings and I hope in the end you guys find something that works for both of you! I would bet though that eventually you grow to absolutely love yours! And you can just tell all the doubters in your life that your fiancé chose this specific ring for you and you love it. It’s hard to argue with that 🙂

Post # 59
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

[post moderated for snark]

Post # 60
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
Fknpug:  She’s a ‘hint’ romani in the first post, now she’s ‘part of that ethnic group’.

“My grandfather’s sister’s father’s cousin’s brother in law’s dog’s uncle is 1% of this ethnic group.  HOW DARE YOU SAY AM ETHNIC SLUR I’M PART OF THIS GROUP”

People need to get a goddamn life.

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