(Closed) Downsize wedding because of budget and FMIL?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The problem with this new plan is that you SHOULD still feel guilty with it, because it is really rude to invite people to the engagement party and not the wedding. It would be a much better idea to just not have an engagement party. After all, the wedding itself is the important thing. You cn invite people to the wedding who weren’t invited to the engagement party, but absolutely cannot do it the other way around. Your Fiance needs to tell his mother that having an engagement party that is so smilar to the wedding in formality is not what the two of you want.

Post # 4
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I have a soft spot about not inviting family to your wedding, maybe because of my culture (Mexican). Our guests list goes to 250+ just in immediate family (uncles, aunts and cousins). Of course we want a beautiful wedding but we just can’t go ignoring family. My mother’s niece (check I don’t like calling her my cousin) did it a few months ago, of course she’s not a family favorite but that was a blow below the waist.

On the other hand, having an engagement party can really help you so it’s really up to you, on how close to your families you are and how important you consider having everyone there.

Good luck

Post # 5
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

i would def be offended by this. and i dont understand  how you could compare an e party to a reception. enjoy your party…have the reception you orginally planned and keep it moving!

Post # 6
399 posts
Helper bee

If I am reading this correctly, it sounds like the “engagement party” hasn’t actually happened yet? If that is the case, have you or you fiance talked to Future Mother-In-Law about your concerns? Maybe she would give you two the money she was going to use for the party to help with your wedding? I agree with courtney1188 about general etiquette  of not inviting people to wedding events that are not actually invited to the wedding itself….. Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law could let her family know that your fiance and you regrettably could not invite everyone to the wedding, so she wanted to have a separate celebration? Even as I am typing that, is sounds f’d up though…that she would do that, I mean….

Technically, you wouldn’t be the ones throwing the party so you “have no control” over who gets invited to that party if Future Mother-In-Law isn’t respecting your wishes.And therefore, in my opinion, you would be relieved of the above mentioned etiquette.

You could have a lovely intimate wedding, and she could throw your party after the honeymoon? Like a welcom back/congrats party…. like when you have a destination wedding? 

Why can’t she just have the party next month? that would make way more sense than waiting so long…..and then people will have forgotten all the details by the time your big day comes.


To answer your question though, i would be pissed.

Post # 8
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Is the engagement party already set?

Could you talk to Future Mother-In-Law about helping to host the wedding instead of throwing an engagement party? I don’t know if that is rude – but that would be my suggestion. Or maybe instead of the actual wedding, she could host the rehersal dinner the night before or a brunch the day after – something to go along with the wedding festivities.

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