(Closed) Dragging 'em to the altar?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To be 100% honest, this posting (wording I suppose) bothers me.

Any girl that feels she is “dragging her guy” along for the ride… be that Dating, Engagement or Wedding is probably with the WRONG GUY

Old fashioned or not, Men need to be the pursuer… NOTHING compares to that… to see a man over-the-moon is an incredible sight… nothing will stand between him and his “Mrs” (mountain, ocean, a legion of soldiers, a dragon… real life and fairy tales are made of this stuff for good reason)

This is really WHEN there is LOVE afire… you sooo DESERVE that. If you aren’t getting some of that, then maybe time to re-evaluate what it is you do have.

Just saying.

 

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It seems like it would be better to wait for 3 years and have a man who’s 100% sure than to “drag him to the altar.” Could you tell us some more details? 

Post # 6
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@This Time Round:  THIS. Great post. I never knew what it was to be pursued until I met my current man. No other feeling compares.

I don’t think she was trying to criticize you. I think she was just trying to say that you really deserve the best, and a man that you doesn’t make you feel like you are having to force to marry you, because the right guy will be eager to.

But I do agree that we need more details before we can offer more advice.

Keep your head up! 

Post # 7
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@polkadotbee:  Without more details, it’s hard to make a good determination.

Post # 9
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Some guys know they are with the right woman, they just like to drag their feet due to comfort, or something along those lines. I know what you were trying to say OP.

Post # 10
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@This Time Round:  I have to be honest. The whole “the man needs to be the pursuer” concept bothers me a lot. Mainly because almost by default it places the woman in a passive position. But then I always did hate the fairy tales where the woman does nothing but wait for her prince to come.

Every woman deserves to have a man who is passionate about them but likewise, it needs to be reciprocated. Both parties need to feel the same way. You’re correct in that “Any girl that feels she is “dragging her guy” along for the ride… be that Dating, Engagement or Wedding is probably with the WRONG GUY” but the same thing can be said vice versa. It needs to be mutual and not one-sided.

OP, no one is criticizing you but we do need more details and admittedly your choice of words does present a red flag. Feeling like you’re “dragging” your other half towards something does not usually bode well.

Post # 11
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP why do you feel this way? Have you brougth up to your SO? I think this feeling can be normal for some couple especially if getting married is more important to one partner than to the other one. I’m not to sure what else to say since I haven’t been in this situation.

Post # 12
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Miss Circe:  Completely agree

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Miss Circe:  I hear you, but that is when one “assumes” that it means that the woman sits around waiting… and yes that is a very “passive position”

Far more empowering, is when a woman is out rockin’ her own world… this is the type of woman that a man (men) is drawn to (she is a real fascinating mystery to him)**

Strong Women KNOW this, and use their femininity to sort thru the possible suiters to find one that is RIGHT for her, not just accept the first one (or last one) to come along.  That is settling.

Unfortunately, many women (myself included) don’t figure out their feminine whiles (lol, sometimes known as our “super powers”) until they are much older.  Which is why, a whole bunch of us choose the wrong guys when we are younger, and don’t get our love life on the right track until we are much older.

If I could do one thing in my time here on WBee (as I prepare for my second marriage) it would be to advise women that they DESERVE sooo much more… so that they don’t endure the painful disappointment of being in a dead-end marriage.  Dating the wrong guy is one thing… being married to one is a whole other ball of wax.  One recovers emotionally, financially etc, so much easier from a bad-break-up than an horrible divorce.  The latter, I don’t wish on my worst enemy.

** NOTE – This is well expressed here on the WAITING BOARD on WBee from a Man’s point of view as well… in Mr. Bee’s post entitled *Mr Bee’s 3 Step Plan & Back Up Plan for Getting Engaged* = http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged

 

Post # 14
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@This Time Round:  I still completely agree with you.

I do agree that obviously marriage must be desired by both parties, but initially, I am in agreeance that the man is the pursuer and leader. I don’t think that it’s oppressing women in this model, but that’s how I find that it works best for me. That way, I’m not guessing how the man feels because he is pursuing me and tells me on his own. Nothing is left to chance and it’s smooth. Obviously as the relationship progresses me and the man talks about the future, our desires, etc. There is a partnership that is developed that resulted from his pursuit.

I found the best love when I wasn’t looking for it, but developing my career, school, fitness, hobbies, etc. I wasn’t in NEED of a man, so I can see where the Mr. Bee’s reference can be seen for women in similar situations. Strong women are alluring women, and the women on the Bee are no exception! πŸ˜‰

But to each his own, I don’t judge anyone for how they want to do it.

Post # 15
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

What do you mean when you say “window”?

Post # 16
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

@polkadotbee:  if it helps I kinda do – I want to get engaged and have done for nearly two years, my SO says he does but doesn’t put his words into actions. I worry that he just doesn’t want to lose me so strings me along in a way cos he knows how important marriage is to me. So kinda see where you’re coming from (may I point out I have a very low confidence when it comes to men and dating and me as a catch so it’s possible that my feelings are just me being me and maybe you being you if you’re anything like me)

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