(Closed) Drama after the wedding started by someone who didn’t even come (Long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Your cousin sounds like a jealous jerk who likes to start drama.  Sorry if that is mean, but from reading your post, there is no other way to see it.  It must hurt your mom a lot to think her family didn’t have a good time, and if I were you, I’d focus on just supporting her rather than reaching out to your aunts. 

I can sort of relate to all of this (I’m not saying your family is as crazy as mine, but anyway).  Less than a table of people came to my wedding from my mom’s family.  (My own grandmother and grandfather, on their no RSVP, put in Mr. & Mrs. theirlastname…without any words of regret or congratulations) So I relate to how hurt your mom might be in all of this.  For us, her family’s behavior wasn’t surprising, but it still was painful to me, but most of all to my mom.  Sometimes, you just need to keep showing the ones who are important to you how much you love them – even more than usual (ie your mom).  Weddings are wonderful times, but they can be a really painful reminder of family dyfunction.

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am very sorry you are going through this. It sucks that you were sharing a very special day in your life and someone had to rain on your parade for no reason!

I think your cus is immature. He really should learn when to keep his mouth shut. If your aunts really are upset because they didn’t get enough attention, then they should speak up to you or your mom to set their feelings straight.

Either way, you shouldn’t feel bad about anything because a wedding weekend (not just the day of) is a freaking busy time. They, out of all people, should understand that. Hopefully your cus is just being a shit disturber and it isn’t true. But if it is, give it time and hopefully they will come around.

Tell your mom you love her and that she shouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

Wait, your cousin is 33?  I assumed the way he was acting, he couldn’t be more than a teenager.  Wow…sorry you have to deal with that, but don’t even worry about it.  Family drama seems to be a necessary part of weddings (sad but true) and sometimes you just have to ignore it!  If your aunts are really upset with your mom for not taking time out of your wedding day to spend with them, well then that’s just silly.  They should’ve either came earlier, or stayed longer if they wanted some extra one on one time.  They have no one to blame but themselves!

Congrats on getting married and if I were you, I wouldn’t even give any of this a second thought!

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My theory is… people like talking shit. They’re going to talk shit no matter WHAT. And also, you can’t force people to have a good time. I worried that my husband’s family didn’t have that good a time at our wedding after I saw our photos. I didn’t think about it much at the time, but he has a smaller family (like yours, it was just his dad/step mom, uncle/aunt, uncle/gf, and cousin from his dad’s side) and they all stood in a little circle in the corner through the ENTIRE cocktail hour and reception without talking to anyone or dancing. We tried to get them to dance a few times but they refused. So… there are no pictures of them because they never really moved out of their huddle the entire night. And I feel like they didn’t have that good of a time… but you know what?? We through an awesome party. You can’t make people have a good time if they’re determined to be bored. 

If I was you/your mom I would ignore the situation. If they have a problem with your mom they can bring it to her… but she is giving them more power by playing into their silent treatment game by saying “oh no whats wrong” etc. 

 

p.s. have you posted your pics here? I’d love to see them!

Post # 11
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@mandb122: that’s a good idea – the pictures will help for sure!  It must be hard not having them return her calls. 

Post # 13
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Delete his comments on FB and block him. If he can’t behave like a normal adult don’t give him ammunition from this point forward. What a jerk. Have your mom and her sisters sort out their own issues. Whatever your aunts are upset about it sounds like it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your mom, so don’t put yourself in the middle of it. Your aunts sound incredibly self centered. They really thought that your mom wouldn’t have anything else to do on your wedding weekend?! Don’t get yourself pulled into the middle of this mess. Stop communicating with the “pompous douche” (I love that description!), live a long and happy wedded life!

There’s always some kind of weird fall out after a wedding, I don’t get it. We had one with DH’s stepmom and we don’t talk to her anymore. Same as you, there were a million perceived injustices against her, 99% of them totally imaginary. You can’t make 100% of the people happy 100% of the time right?

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think the most important thing is that you had a great time. There isn’t much you can do now for your Aunts, and though I would feel badly for your mom as well, it was her daughter’s wedding day. She deserved to be with you all day and not having to tend to overbearing and needy guests. I would think about sending another note to your cousin saying something along the lines of, “Sorry to hear the Aunts had a bad time. It’s unfortunate they couldn’t enjoy themselves during such a happy occasion.” and leave it at that.

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