(Closed) Drama drama drama

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do I need to stop being a birthday baby?
    No! She's being self-absorbed. What the heck. : (5 votes)
    17 %
    Well. Kinda. But it'll be okay, you'll feel better tomorrow. : (7 votes)
    23 %
    More than kinda. But I sort of understand where you're coming from. : (7 votes)
    23 %
    Yes. Please grow up. You're going to be 25. Jeez. : (11 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 3
    3579 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think you need to let this one go!

    It’s a birthday party and she seems really busy and wants a weekend at home… we’ve all been there!

    If she backed out on your wedding or even a wedding related event it would be a slightly different story but I think you should just tell her you are disappointed and wish she could be there and let this one go!

    Post # 5
    294 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think you are blowing this out of proportion.

    I think you answered your own question toward the end of your post.  You had never asked much of her before.  There are people like her who are not reliable and that you can’t depend on.  Some people are overwhelmed with a simple life, and really, that is okay.  I think she is one of those, and she will need to learn to not obligate herself to others.  The only good thing is that you figured her out before too much was in her hands.

    I’m so glad your Maid/Matron of Honor is on top of things.  I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and all you hope for.

    Now, enjoy your birthday.  Happy Quarter Century!

    Your Fiance sounds like a sweetie in all that he is doing for your special birthday.  Have fun!



    Post # 7
    671 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d be hurt too – I assume she RSVP’d yes to the birthday weekend and now at the (almost) last minute is backing out. That’s rude to me. I totally understanding needing a weekend of “down time” (I need lots) – but she needs to be planning a bit better so she’s not backing out of plans and disappointing friends. You are probably right and it’s got a lot to do with her age/maturity level – hopefully she will come through for you when it matters ๐Ÿ™‚ In the meantime I would probably take a step back from the friendship – I don’t believe in spending too much time or energy on people who don’t make the same effort, I think it’s too draining. Hope you have a wonderful birthday ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 8
    31 posts
    • Wedding: November 2010

    She’s being a pain, but you said it, she’s drama. Just enjoy a drama free birthday and be glad your Maid/Matron of Honor is so amazing!!

    Post # 9
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’ll second having the conversation that @Future Mrs. Martin stated…we’ve all been there.  But, at the same time, I’d also start phasing her out of things.  Start assuming that she’s not coming to birthdays & important events; plan for her NOT to come…if she actually shows up, it will be a pleasant surprise rather than a disappointment if she doesn’t.  If it’s inconvenient to come running when she calls, don’t.  Call her right back & let her know when you’ll have time to help her deal with stuff…if that doesn’t fit into her needs, she’ll call someone else. As for your wedding events, let your Maid/Matron of Honor know to simply leave her out of the expense & planning…the only thing to require her to pay for are her dress, shoes, etc. to match your other BMs (if that’s the route you’re going)…then simply keep her out of the costly events.  If she wants in, she’ll let you know & follow through with the requirements.  If she gets upset, let her know that your Maid/Matron of Honor is only following your instructions because you wanted to aleviate your friend from all the pressure, and, if she’s ready to handle it all, you’ll let your Maid/Matron of Honor know to include her on the events & the expenses.  Basically, what I’m saying is, still be her friend but don’t get caught up in her drama.  Like one of your poll options said, you’re going to be 25…you don’t need all HER drama in your life.  If she wants to be more of a friend to you, she’ll catch on.  If not, you’re limiting her negative influence in your life without limiting the positive (unless she limits the positive…in which case, you’re better off). 

    Hope that helps…good luck!

    Post # 11
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Wow…exactly 5 votes in each category right now.  That’s kind of funny!

    Post # 12
    237 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    You wrote:

    “I’ve never asked much of her up until the wedding, really.”

    Maybe THIS is the problem. 

    Look my best (male) friend is like that… I’ve never asked much of him because of his “drama” nature and of course he got used at that and now every time I ask him for something he plays the “overwhelmed” card.

    Try to shake her up… tell her to grow up. A lot of people will give up on her if she doesn’t change. The sooner she gets it the better it is (for her too!!!).

    Post # 13
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Unfortunately some (younger) women, even when they are NOT all about drama, get overwhelmed by the amount of attention paid to brides during showers/bachelorettes/wedding planning/blah blah, and then throwing a birthday on top of that can feel like “too much”. I’ve been in her shoes (many years ago) and she just has to learn to prioritize.. ie say no to something else if it’s too much but don’t ditch the birthday. It’s okay for her to say no, but being rude and backing out out of an RSVP last minute is never okay. You’ll feel better when the bday has passed – happy birthday!

    The topic ‘Drama drama drama’ is closed to new replies.

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