(Closed) Drama: Fiance’s Sister/ Ex-Bestfriend Wants to be Bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in African-American
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think its great that his family is on your side, and not letting her weasel herself into the spotlight. She dug her bed, now she has to lie in it. I think you are 100% right, stick to your guns girl!!!  You are so right on what a bridesmaid represents, and she has done none of that. 

Post # 4
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You have it better than me, so there’s a little bit of a positive side to this situation from my perspective. I’ve got all of the same symptoms but the Future Sister-In-Law isn’t willing to admit any wrongdoing. At least yours is willing to call a truce!

Although it’s a little harsh, I can imagine that when the dynamics in your FI’s household changed she may have thought that you were only friends with her in the first place because of her brother. It’s really hard for some people to adjust to the changes that a new relationship or wedding brings and sometimes they just need time (some more than others). If Future Sister-In-Law is important to you, keep working at it and be as honest as possible and reassure her that she is important and why. If she’s willing to listen it will probably go a long way to healing the relationship, but I wouldn’t take it too quickly.

As far as including her in the wedding, that definitely shouldn’t be a priority anymore. I agree 100% that a bridesmaid should support you all the way from beginning to end. To do any different is not just selfish, but a sign of contempt and that’s not an attitude that you should surround yourself with on your wedding day. She lost that opportunity a long time ago in my book. Also, nobody ever wants to help with a wedding unless they’re in it and the best course of action may have been not to offer her any kind of responsibility at this point. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with this but please rest easy knowing you’re not alone. Weddings really can bring out the best and worst in people and you’ll feel better on the other side knowing that you kept your head held high. Good Luck and don’t let anything distract from the real point of your wedding: you and your fiance getting married. The who and the why are the only real important parts–the what, when, where, and how just don’t matter that much.

Post # 7
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just read your post about your future sister in law. Wow! I know how you feel but my situation is different.

I’ve known my childhood best friend since I was 9. We’re both 24 now.

3 years ago, I dated one of my best friends brother. She wasn’t comfortable with us dating and we broke it off. I was never in love or felt like he was the one.
This friend of mine goes from one relationship to another while I was the single friend. So out of the blue, I start to date my best guy friend and we fall in love. She’s like yayyy we’re both so happy. A few months later they break up.

Fast forward to a year, we’re engaged and she’s still mad at me for dating her brother. I’ve settled down, she’s living the single life. We don’t have much in common and she’s hurt my feelings….
SO after all that, she is now claiming how I’ve betrayed her for not asking her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. I haven’t even picked bridesmaids other than my sister because I can do without all of the drama.

Stand your ground. If you feel she should not be in your wedding, she should not be. I completely agree with on what the role of a bridesmaid is… to be a supportive friend! Your future sister in law has not been a friend to you. I am happy though that you are getting support from his family. They will soon be your family as well and she needs to get used to that.

I just posted about what I’m going through.. feeling extremely distraught and confused about my old friend. 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Power to you girlfriend!! I think this is the prime example of how being tactful, but not letting yourself get walked all over, wins in the end.  Clearly FI’s family, besides the sis, is behind you guys and supports you.  I think it can easily go the other way, many times regardless of how the sibling acts.  I think you made the right decision: Everyone standing up for you and your Fiance should love, trust and support you 100%…clearly she is not one of those people so she shouldn’t be upset that she is not up there as well.

 

Post # 9
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree! Asked FH’s sis to be in the wedding so she and I could get closer. She and Fiance got into it, and she’s upset with me. So, she won’t be in the wedding. I, like your FH, don’t have time for foolishness! Do exactly what you want to do. I think hostess is a great position. I’m treating my hostesses like bridesmaids…

Post # 10
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like you’ve done everything right and I’m so glad you’ve stuck to your guns.  She is acting like a spoiled brat and she certainly doesn’t deserve the honour of being in your wedding party!  I’m glad to hear his whole family is on your side, too.  Like someone else said, she’s made her bed and now she has to lie in it.

 

Post # 11
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Soon2BMrs.A:  agree 100%! If she was a real friend, she would have never stopped talking to you in the first place. If ya’ll were that close, she COULD/SHOULD have been the in the wedding party for sure, but it’s obvious that she did this to herself…don’t even worry about it. 🙂

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