- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
So a little background info. I have known my fiance since the age of 14.Went to same church, childhood crush, you know kid stuff. I went away to school he went to the miltary. During the meantime I became bestfriends with his sister in our early twenties. He and I still communicated and hung out when he would come into town.
Fastfoward, he comes home to stay, we start chatting, then dating, all the while his sister and and still great friends. We announce to family we are offically dating…ish hits the fan. His sister/my bestfriend is upset and jealous. She stops talking to me, very rude, bad attitude, condescending, would disrepect me given any opportunity, snide remarks, etc. During all this I remain the bigger person never got nasty with her, would speak when I saw her (but later got tired of the abuse and just didn’t acknowledge her at all). Truthfully, it hurt my feelings, how could a bestfriend be so cold.
So anyway a year and half later we are now engaged, that further p*issed her off. No Congratulations, nothing. She would turn up her face anytime there was wedding talk. A week or two after engagement she calls and apologizes and congratulates, but things slowly go back to the way they were (you never knew what her attitude or mood would be, sometimes nice most of time rude). I was like F-It I’m done. A few months later her mom basically calls a family meeting and we all talk about the whole situation. Apparently she felt betrayed (though he and I were friends first). She says I stopped being friends with her, though her family sided with me and said it was her that strayed. Apologies, hugs, and promises to work on becoming friends again, though she acknowledged she dug a huge hole for herself and doesn’t know how to mend. I said we will work on it slowly.
So we have a short engagement (7 months). During the first 2 months we chose the bridal party, at the time his sister was disgruntled. I ask how he felt – does he want her and his other sister to be in wedding party? He says he will not tolerate the foolishness and bad attitudes. His vote is no. I chose my girls, he choses his boys.
So now that everything has been put out in the open and his sister and I are working on the friend thing which is ackward (basically we speak when we see each other, and is she not rude anymore). A short time after the apology I extended an olive branch, I asked if she would like to be a hostess, she basically scoffed and was very offended. She feels like she should be a bridesmaid!
At a family dinner there was a very heated discussion between her and I, her mother, her aunt and her sister. I told her a bridesmaid is a friend, someone that supports you, and most importantly wants to see you happy, and at the time of selection she was none of the above. I said put yourself in my shoes would you really put the sister of your fiance in your wedding when she clearly isn’t happy for you and doesn’t like you? She said yes, I said you’re lying to yourself. Her mom and aunt said you didn’t like her and didn’t talk to her for a year and half, didn’t approve of engagement at first and now you want it to be water under the bridge and be in the wedding-you’re crazy! They also thought it was nice that I asked them to be a hostess. (I also invited them to the bachelorette parties too).That I even tried to include her despite her behavior. I was so glad that they were on my side, because I just don’t understand why she doesn’t get it. Needless to say she won’t be a bridesmaid or a hostess! Just because you family doesn’t automatically make you apart of someone’s bridal party. What do you think?