Post # 1
OK bees! Here’s the dealio. Fiance knows a lot of people. One day when speaking to a good friend he runs into regularly, he learned that said friend, X, works at the same company as FI’s best friend’s wife. When FI asked X if he knew the wife, X stated, in short, that the wife told him that she is separated. He also went on to state that the wife has a questionable relationship with another male co-worker. After deliberating some time on this, Fiance decided to tell his best friend what he had heard about the wife after feeling that X had no reason to lie about the situation. The questionable relationship part could be rumor but X was adamant that he heard her say with his own ears that she was separated. They are not.
The best friend has chosen to stand by the wife as she has convinced him that none of it is true. Fiance accepted this. Since this situation however, the best friend no longer speaks to Fiance. In a brief conversation after months of not speaking, Fiance learned the wife has decided and convinced her husband that Fiance was digging for information and out to get her. Fiance doesn’t have an agenda but felt he did what he would hope his friends would do in a similar situation. He doesn’t care if she is cheating or not or whether they stay together or not. Naturally, the relationship between the guys has suffered.
We are just about ready to send STDs and Fiance has reservations about inviting his best friend and of course his wife since she obviously hates him now. I think he should invite them and let them decide what they want to do. He states he doesn’t want any drama on his wedding day which I understand as well. What do you think?
Post # 3
I probably wouldn’t invite. It seems like your Fiance and the friend are not friends anymore.
Post # 4
I say to invite them and let them decide whether or not to come. Would he really not want his best friend at his wedding? I understand that they’ve grown apart, but what happens if his best friend catches his wife red handed and comes back with his tail between his legs later…I think sending an invitation shows that your Fiance is still trying to make an effort, and will be there if/when things fall apart. my vote is with you!
Post # 5
I would invite them anyway as a last ditch effort to keep a friendship.
Maybe they were separated (or going through rough times) and they are embarrassed that your Fiance found out. Sometimes, it’s easier to tell near-strangers (like coworkers) than to tell your closest friends that your world isn’t as perfect as you’d like it to seem.
Maybe X heard wrong and the wife is justifiably hurt that such a rumor would be going around about her and a coworker.
If you don’t invite them to the wedding, the friendship will most definately be lost.
I say, put the ball in their court and they can decide how they want to proceed.
Post # 6
Yes the invite should go out to both of them. Leave the choice up to them.
Post # 7
I’d also invite. It might help, but it can’t hurt.
Post # 8
Good points, bees. I’m gently nudging him to invite because I agree with you. It would definitely be the kiss of death for the friendship even though Fiance doesn’t understand why his friend is angry with him and is hurt.
FWIW, she’s guilty as sin. In the interest of brevity and privacy, I left out a lot of what transpired and her actions to me are of someone that has something to hide. Particularly the part about manipulating the situation so that Fiance seems like the guilty one. FI was VERY diplomatic in his approach when he told his best friend. There were no accusations and he simply stated, “This is what I was told and I felt it was my responsibility as your best friend to inform you. Do with it what you feel is right.”
Post # 9
I would invite them based on your FI’s friendship with his friend. If the wife has issues and is stepping out on him, then it’s up to FI’s friend to decide how to handle the issues within his marriage. To not invite them seems really strange to me. Meaning – it’s not your FI’s friend’s fault his wife is straying or lying about the status of their marriage. Why should his friendship with your Fiance suffer because of it?
Post # 10
ok I guess I will be the one to say it, this is your FI’s day and if he doesnt want any drama and doesnt want to invite them then there you go. I am amazed at how many people always tell the bride/groom to do things they dont want to do “just because”, my feelings are the hell with other people. you get one day and life is way too short to be unhappy on your special day. That being said could you hold a STD for a little while and see if your SO changes his mind? I also have to say good for him for doing the right thing so many people turn a blind eye to that sort of thing. He was being a better friend then his best friend will ever know. It takes a true best friend to tell you the truth 100% of the time even if it hurts
Post # 11
@miss sparkly cat:
Hold the STD – that’s an idea and they are local so it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they get it later since they don’t have to make travel arrangements. As for not turning a blind eye, this is an example of why so many people do. The messenger got killed.
Post # 12
Invite them and stay out of it.
Post # 13
It could get to the point where he cant turn his back on the truth anymore and one day be happy your Fiance told him so I wouldnt write the friendship off forever even if you do invite them they might not come but atleast your Fiance can say he tried. She cant hide it forever its going to come back to bite her at some point
Post # 14
Honestly, even if she is guilty, if this is your FI’s best friend we’re talking about I wouldn’t let the relationship die without a fight. Lie if you have to. I’d have your Fiance contact the friend’s wife/contact his friend and see if he can meet with his wife. Go to her and say something like, “I’m so sorry if you thought I was trying to break your marriage up, I wasn’t at all. I love you guys together and I just felt it was my duty as his best friend to tell you what was being said about you two so you can deal with it. I really want both of you to stay in my life.”
Just butter her up. Your Fiance and his friend can stay friends, and if she is cheating, they’ll break up one day and Fiance will be right there to support his friend. Don’t let the wife bully her husband out of having friends, too.
So do all that and THEN invite them. Lol.
Post # 15
Its your FH’s call. If he doesn’t think its the best idea go with that. He stuck his nose in something (with good intensions) and got burned. This was a predictable outcome. Since he caused this situation, its up to him to fix in any manner he deems fit.
Post # 16
I would do whatever your fiance wants to do. It is his friend, and should be his decision.
As for whether or not this lady is guilty, hs absolutely nothing to do with this situation. Of course the guy is going to side with his wife, that is his wife. I’m sure if you know the truth, so does he. Maybe it is just extremely awkward for them, since their dirty laundry has been aired.
I don’t think your fiance was in the wrong to say anything, but I do think these are the consequences to such decisions.