(Closed) Drama is beginning to unfold

posted 11 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Should I be less worried about myself and more concerned for my friends' weddings?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 16
    Member
    4831 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @pb and j: I 100% agree with you. I will be 27 when my wedding rolls around and I just barely feel “old enough”.

     

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    @brightoctober: You are still young and have LOTs of time. I met my now Fiance when I was 19 and we dated for 6 1/2 years before getting engaged. Dating while in school (2 yrs) was very different than dating long distance (1yr) then being out of school living apart (1 yr) and finally out of school living together (2 1/2 yrs). Going through all those stages of our relationship really helped us grow together and people and solidify the fact that we are right for each other.

    I have to tell you both Fiance and I have changed GREATLY in the time we’ve been together. And I am very greatly changed from who I was when I was 14. You and your bf (if he’s your age) are still maturing into who you will be as people. There is no need to rush anything. Once the wedding wave is over, just enjoy being with each other.

    I was really hoping that my Fiance would propose when I graduated from college (3 yrs into our relationship), but I am so glad that we lived apart and then together first instead.

    Post # 17
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    First off I don’t understand the problem with having an engagement or even wedding the same year or even a couple months out from a friend/family member.  But that is another rant.  You are only 18 years old, you have plenty of time, just be happy where you are right now.  Just be happy with the good relationship you have regardless of what your friends are doing.  If it is right for you, it will happen.  Trust me, I have been in a few relationships to the point that I was expecting an engagement which never happend.  Now I am getting married to the right person and I couldn’t be happier.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I understand the feeling of being left out (& jealousy) but marriage is not something to be taken lightly.  It’s a personal committment, not a club.  I agree 18 is young, although not unheard of.  At 18 I wonder if you boyfriend really does know you’re “itching to have a ring on my left hand”.  I’ve certainly never seen an 18 year old boy (yes boy) itching to get married!  My recommendation is to wait until it’s right FOR YOU TWO!  Make sure you’re on the same page financially, regliously etc.  Make sure you go to premaritial councelling.  Marriage is not just a wedding, it’s a life.

    ps. it’s okay to say no to being a bridesmaid.  How can you possibly afford all that?

    Post # 19
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I dated my high school boyfriend for 3 years before we went off to college together (in Cleveland, OH…where you’re from!).  He was the only guy I had ever seriously dated and as soon as we got to college I completely grew apart from him.  We dated another two years, but our relationship fizzled years before that.  I know 4 years seems like a long time, but when you’re young, you change so quickly.  My FI’s cousin got married last summer after dating her husband for 11 years…they started dating when she was 16.  I’m not saying to wait that long, but you are still veryveryvery young and have plenty of time to think about marriage.  I know it’s easy to get roped into wedding fever and want a ring on your hand/wedding to plan, but if you wait a bit longer maybe your boyfriend will be more financially stable and could better afford a ring, and you may be able to better afford a wedding.

    I’m not trying to pass judgement at all, I just know that I was 18 once, and I definitely wanted to marry my HS boyfriend then.  Would it have worked out?  Yeah, I think so.  But I am so much happier with Fiance than I was with him and it still astonishes me how quickly we grew apart once put in a different situation. 

    I hope this helped a bit!

    Post # 20
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee

    As a bee so wisely said to me in another post she has never heard anyone say they wish they had been younger when they got married.

    I have changed SOOOOOOOO much since I was 18 that it’s not even funny. The guy I started dating when I was 15 ended up going to jail for stealing and doing drugs, he cheated on me, he didn’t graduate high school and his life is not going very far. Now at 27, I am with a guy who is going to basically the top business school in the country, has values much more in line with mine, and would never cheat on me and he still may not be “the one” for me. Can you imagine me with that guy I thought was perfect for me when I was 15??? Good things come to those who wait…

    Post # 21
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ditto to everyone else.

    Im 26 and ive been in two weddings, one of which I was 11 years old and hardly remember. Are these weddings you are in for friends, or family? I didn’t have a close friend get married until I was 23 or 24.

    Like everyone else said, 18 is very young. Even though 2 years is a long time to be with someone you will change a lot in your early 20’s

    Post # 23
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If you feel ready and prepared for the type of commitment that marriage requires than age shouldn’t matter. What you need to look at are your finances, your employment stability, and your maturity…not your friends.

    That being said I know how difficult it can be when everyone around you is getting married. With my group of friends in particular, we seem to be in this wedding frenzy right now. It all started with our oldest friends being married and now after about 1 year we have about 6 couples that are engaged or married. I think in my life though it’s because we’re all in and around that 25 year old mark (mostly).

    The pressure can be difficult, but at the same time you have to remember that age old saying that most of our moms have cited, “if your friend jumped off the bridge would you??” Annoying right? Well it’s true. You have to think about what’s right for you, not what everyone else is doing.

    If you two are mature enough and things are meant to be then they will fall in place. Don’t let it stress you out because you do have a lot of time. Our good friends have been together since they were 15 and they just now got engaged at 24 (9 years later!) and plan to be engaged for a year first. If he loves you he will still be around when you guys are reading to take it to the next level…just be careful to take all the time you need!

    Post # 24
    Member
    4831 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @brightoctober: Another thing to think of (don’t know if it’s important to you though). Don’t you want to be able to drink champagne (or something) at your own wedding?

    Post # 25
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If you feel ready and prepared for the type of commitment that marriage requires than age shouldn’t matter. What you need to look at are your finances, your employment stability, and your maturity…not your friends.

    That being said I know how difficult it can be when everyone around you is getting married. With my group of friends in particular, we seem to be in this wedding frenzy right now. It all started with our oldest friends being married and now after about 1 year we have about 6 couples that are engaged or married. I think in my life though it’s because we’re all in and around that 25 year old mark (mostly).

    The pressure can be difficult, but at the same time you have to remember that age old saying that most of our moms have cited, “if your friend jumped off the bridge would you??” Annoying right? Well it’s true. You have to think about what’s right for you, not what everyone else is doing.

    If you two are mature enough and things are meant to be then they will fall in place. Don’t let it stress you out because you do have a lot of time. Our good friends have been together since they were 15 and they just now got engaged at 24 (9 years later!) and plan to be engaged for a year first. If he loves you he will still be around when you guys are reading to take it to the next level…just be careful to take all the time you need!

    Post # 26
    Member
    1374 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Good lord, if I had married the guy I was dating when I was 18, I don’t know where I’d be right now.  Well, I do know I’d be divorced but beyond that, who knows?  Seriously, you grow SO MUCH in your twenties it’s not even funny.  I gurantee you that you will be completely different person in 10 years from who you are now.  It’s a give-in.  There’s no way for you to know that now, because you’re only 18, so you’ve got to have a little faith.  I urge you to ask everyone you know in their thirties how much they changed from 18 to 30.  Just ask them.  You’ll truly be shocked.  The really crazy thing is your BF is going to change that much too! I’m not saying that the two of you won’t be together anymore, I’m just saying that the two of you will be entirely different people.  

    I strongly, strongly urge you to wait.  You’ve got plenty of time.   

    Post # 27
    Member
    1961 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Whew….you gotta be really careful when you ask the “is xyz too young to get married.”  In my opinion, yes…18 is WAY too young.  Four years of dating someone (ages 14-18) is a heck of a lot different from dating someone for four years when you started at 18.  I mean, the life experiences you gained starting when you are 14 aren’t necessarily enough to give you the experience/maturity/stability you need to make a marriage work.  Now with that said, I’d say anyone under 25 is too young to get married..now before I get crucified for that one, let me just say that I mean that as an age bracket in general.  The majority of my close friends got married young, between ages 19-21 (so I pretty much base this opinion on their experiences), and started having babies right away.  Now we are closing in on 30 and they’re realizing that they had the rest of their lives to be married and have kids…and didn’t get that “freedom” that they once wanted.  They went straight from their parents homes to being married.  Me on the other hand, I spent 10 years on my own and doing my own thing.  Ten years after all of my friends got married, they’re hitting the “wish I would have waited a few years and “lived” life” stage….After I’ve been married for 10 years, I’ll get to look back and say, it’s been a wonderful 10 years, but I sure am glad I had 10 years before that to live life for me…but, that’s just me and my opinion.  Obviously, everyone is welcome to their own 🙂

    Post # 28
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    this seems kind of troll-y but that might just be me. i thought i was quite mature and level-headed for an 18 yr old, but people really do change a lot during those years and when i read my old journal entries? yeah. i cringe.

    one of my friends got married when he and his wife were 18 and 5 years later they just finalized their divorce. she decided she got married too young and hadnt experienced the “party life” so went out to clubs and cheated on him. and this was supposedly some homely little church girl. now she can’t stand the sight of him and they both realize what a mistake they made. now they’re 23 yr old divorcees. i’m just saying that people may think they know who they are and what they want, but what those things are change dramatically from 18 to 25. give yourself some time. i know if i would have married the guy i dated from 16 to 20, i would not be in the kind of relationship i want and have now.

    Post # 29
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee

    I got married when I was 20.  Our wedding cost $36 (the cost of the marriage license)  I was divorced by 21.  I was soooo not ready to be married back then.  But I am now.  I’m 30.

    I sometimes wonder what happened to my ex-h.  I haven’t talked to him since he signed the divorce papers.

    Post # 30
    Member
    3060 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Yes, 18 is too young.

    16 weddings in 2010?  And you’re a bridesmaid in ALL of them? Weird.  I was in one wedding before the age of 20.  And I was the flower girl.  I was 6. How are all of these girls getting married in high school?

    The topic ‘Drama is beginning to unfold’ is closed to new replies.

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