- 12 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hello Bees.. i know its been a while since i’ve posted or commented for that matter.. but I’ve got something pressing on my mind today and I can’t see keeping it in another second.
Now.. i might’ve mentioned this first part previously, but just to preface..
On 3/25/09 I rec’d an EMAIL from my father stating that he will not be attending my wedding. The reason? He has a criminal record, did something relatively unthinkable a year or two ago, and has been hiding away from the rest of the world in some hole-in-the-wall apartment in NJ, and he doesnt want to face the rest of the family.
So, i’ve been trying hard to deal with it because, of couse, being my self centered, rediculous father, his email was not without a guilt trip .. "How can you not forgive me for this? Surely you must know what it’s doing to me." I’m pretty torn up about that whole ordeal and its been months now and nothing has really passed between us except his random phone calls to my job asking me how my brother is doing or calling my Fiance only when he needs help with his computer.
Now, this passed weekend something even crazier has happened. I have a maid of honor and a matron of honor. My matron is my cousin *Lee who is basically like a sister to me. My maid (was) my best friend of 24 years, *Becky …but hang on, I need to back track for one second here…
One of my BMs (We’ll call her *Ronda came to stay with me in NY and visit for a week from where she lives in FL. Part of the purpose of her visit was to sit with *Becky *Lee and I and talk wedding stuff, and there was a trip to Davids Bridal (poorly planned) stuck in there for good measure.. but mostly just so that Ronda could feel like she was really part of the planning. All of us girls were going to meet at DB but things got messy with Lee’s aunt dying and Becky’s boyfriend not being available to watch their 2 month old.. so Ronda and I decided (along with my fiance) to go to DB by ourselves & then out to lunch. Obviously we weren’t hiding anything from her when we posted the photos on facebook of Ronda in a few of the dresses she tried on. We were at DB for 45mins to an hour and somehow Becky wants to crucify not just me.. but Ronda AND my fiance for leaving her out and that we did it to hurt her.
I’m not one to deal with drama well and that is usually because I rarely have to deal with it in my every day life (THANK GOODNESS!). Well, Becky started to text me at 1am Saturday morning (We went to DB around 12pm on fri. afternoon). She said horrible things and basically stated that "obviously i didnt want her to be part of my wedding plans seeing as how I intended to leave her out", etc.
I replied that her getting hurt was totally not my intention..but Ronda only had a few days with me and that Becky and Lee LIVE here and we could go any time!! But she felt like I was discounting her hurt feelings. The next day I was so upset as I was telling Ronda what happened..and then SHE felt hurt that Becky would say such things, my fiance was upset also. I went onto facebook shortly after and in anger … "Aimee is not gonna feel sorry for making yesterday special for Ronda" was posted as my status. Sometime that afternoon Becky flipped out and started to air ALL of our dirty laundry, names and stories and ALL all over facebook for my 183 friends/family to see, as well as hers.
I told her to stop it.. that we BOTH needed to take a step back and accept responsibility for what went wrong here.. but she just continued to post things, going on and on about how I think she’s jealous of Ronda and how I had never any intention of having Becky join us in the first place, that i "stabbed her in the heart" and she even went as far as to blame me for her 30th bday drama and post partum depression!!
Ohhh my gosh. I was beside myself. I deleted everything she posted AND my responses and told her that I had enough, it was grown up time, no more posting stuff. If you have something to say ..no more posting crap on FB and no more nasty text msgs at 1am.. pick up a phone and talk to m if thats what you want to do. But in all honesty, i think at that point we were done with eachother, for good. We had both said some really harsh words that neither of us will forget anytime in the near future. The next day she left FB alone but started sending me msgs (long emails) via myspace!! I said to myself, great, more drama. She basically said every angry thought she probably ever had in the last 20 yrs in those msgs she sent me. And yeah, because I was hurt but ALSO because she had MANY of her facts (those re: her boyfriend and what was said/done between he and I and MY fiance) were WRONG and I wanted her to know the truth. None of it mattered in the end though.. whats done was done.
She requested that I take down all photos of her child (my God daughter) from FB, myspace and shutterfly where I was helping her make a baby book and asked me never to "ask her for anything ever again".
So now in one foul swoop i’ve lost my Maid/Matron of Honor and my god daughter.. who would’ve probably been a flower girl. I’m saddened to a point.. i cant believe we let 24 yrs of friendship slip through our hands because of that 1 hour where she was not included. But even more.. i cant believe that little girl is out of my life for good… its something I never thought i’d live to see and now.. so swiftly and without a second thought.. our sisterhood has been blown to smitherines.
My mother seems to think it doesn’t matter and wedding plans should continue ..full steam ahead. I can’t see past the next few hours.. let alone weeks or months..and TONS of plans and budgeting, etc.
What am I supposed to do now? Has anyone else had to deal with something like this.. or similar?? I mean, assuming Becky & I never speak again.. what do i do? knowing she was supposed to be part of all of this.. am i supposed to just keep trekking and pretend like we never had dreams as children of being eachothers maid of honor?
I won’t lie.. my first instinct was to cancel this wedding. But my fiance wouldn’t have it. He said it has nothing to do with his and my relationship, which is 100% right.. but.. i just dont know what to do and its hard to think about without crying and feeling like my world is crashing down around me.