Post # 31
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
Kids aged 12 and 14 don’t want to come to a wedding! Trust me – they want to stay home alone. I have a 15 year old, and he wants to do just about anything than be with me.
She didn’t tell them they were coming. They aren’t “devistated”. She’s just trying to manipulate you.
If anything, allow them to the wedding, and say NO to the reception. It’s late at night, they’ll be tired and cranky.
You made this rule early – stick to your guns! You’ll have other unhappy guests if her kids get to come and theirs didn’t.
Post # 32
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
mishybear : You’re absolutely right. They are not “devastated,” as they’d likely have their heads stuck in their phones and refuse to eat the food. I’ve never known teenagers who insist on eating from the kids’ meal only.
There are toddlers who we trust to be better behaved than these two. FH is more adamant about it than I am, since I know that I will have very little interaction with them.
To answer PP, yes–there are other Wedding Party members with kids. Most are older and can either take care of themselves or are invited.
Post # 33
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
tell her to go straight to hell, it’s not her wedding. That’s incredibly rude for her to stir up drama like that. If the kids were ‘uninvited’ maybe no one should have told them they were invited in the first place?
We would have gone that route (and pissed a lot of people off) but my parents are helping us and dad flat out said no to that so I acquiesed. We are however staying firm on no flower girl/ring bearer because it’s not us.
Stay firm on what you want. If she’s going to turn into a child herself about it, that’s her problem.
Post # 34
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee
I can’t believe some stories pp’s have–requests to change the dates and venues so one’s children can attend when invited only by default or, worse, complaint to begin with???? Holy shit that would make me so fucking angry. How entitled can you be??
On that note, op, who does your Future Sister-In-Law think she is???? I completely agree with all pp’s that said nope in a variety of ways. Put an end to this. Tell her you clearly see she is upset and while you wish she wasn’t, you will not be changing your minds and that’s the last you have to say about it. You hope she can still come without her kids (yeah, you should say this even though you probably don’t feel that way) but if she can’t, you two will understand. You just need to know by x date.
Then be done with it.
Post # 35
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
Tell her she can bring her children if they wear shock collars, and you get to hold the remote. (I’m joking, of course.)
Seriously, though, this kind of entitlement and manipulative behavior should not be rewarded. Especially since her kids are the reason you went 18+ for your wedding in the first place!
Post # 36
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel
Absolutely nothing wrong with a kid free wedding! We are too only exception being our own kids I agree that if you let one person bring their kids others might think well why couldn’t I bring mine? Stick to your guns and say no we were clear from the beginning
Post # 37
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
Ugh such a tough situation, sorry to hear your fsil is stirring up drama. I’ve been to plenty of child free weddings, where the only kids were immediate nephews and nieces. Talk to FH. You said he’s adamant about the kids not coming, so simple stick to your guns and say no, the end. You could offer to help them find a sitter?
Post # 38
Member
2986 posts
Sugar bee
I will never understand how people can be this ridiculous when it comes to someone else’s special day. It’s one day and it isn’t you SIL to decide who’s invited! I do think that some invites are strange or “unfair” or even sometimes surprising, but guess what—the ONLY people who can decide on invites are the bride and groom. Do what makes you two happy and stick to your word. It sound like someone is used to getting their way….
Post # 39
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
But which 12 or 14 year old in this day and age, wants to sit down for close to an hour at a ceremony then another few hours listening to grown-ups talk, see grandpa or granduncle and granny and whoever dance with the bride/groom, then sit to have boring (to them, not to us grown folk) food…and just BE around adults all night long? At that age I HATED grown up events. They always seemed so boring.
Post # 40
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
So, sure enough, a regret came in the mail today from Future Sister-In-Law. She sent a note along indicating that she won’t come without her children, and if we change our minds then they will all gladly come.
She’s within her rights to decline the invitation and leave the wedding party, as we are in our rights to invite who we wish to our wedding.
FH seems to be fine with all of this, and he says he doesn’t respond to manipulative behavior.
Post # 41
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
I swear it’s never over with this woman. It’s like she creates drama.
She’s now started telling other family members that we UNINVITED her kids from the wedding, and are excluding them. She’s also telling the story to make it look like she’s completely innocent. Well, she’s right that we’re excluding people–everyone under 18 who’s not in the wedding party.
So, people are upset and threatening not to come. FH is no longer taking this in the stride he once was, and fortunately kept some of the reminders he sent her that it’s childfree when people text to chastise him. It’s fine for her to storm off but how dare she true to poison others? They want to lecture a grown man via text but don’t have the cojones to call him up?
I’m done with this woman. She already told me she couldn’t wait for our wedding to be over because we’re not inviting her favorite cousin, she told her mom all about it during the worse possible moment, and now this? I was nothing but nice to her, tolerating her Cluster B bullshit for a long time, and now that she’s lying all over the place, I don’t care if I see her again.
I don’t think anyone has advice (or really cares at this point), but I really need to vent because clearly I don’t want to tell FH what’s on my mind, and I don’t want to bring my friends or family into this. The psuedo-anonymity of WB helps!
Post # 42
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
Nope. She is manipulative and disrespectful of your wishes. Don’t give in. Her kids are old enough to stay home alone. Give her the option of stepping down. Don’t waste your energy on her drama. Your wedding your rules.
Post # 43
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
ironmaidelah : good. I think it’s a BLESSING that she dropped out. You don’t need her snarky comments and pissed off face at your wedding. It’s supposed to be YOUR day. Why does she think it’s about her?
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