- 3 years ago
My fiance and I have a big year ahead of us. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our first baby, we just bought a house and we’re getting married in October. Last night my FI’s best friend’s wife messaged me on fb and asked me if there’s any reason why we decided to plan all of our events right after theirs. She was much nastier than that though. She actually asked if I wanted to know when they’re planning on trying for a second baby so that we can “jump on that right after them too”. I was completely blindsided.
So these are the events she’s mad about: our baby shower was on 4/29, their daughter’s first birthday was on 4/27. My mom had already picked this date well in advance and I know a lot of people with April birthdays so I didn’t remember that their daughter’s birthday was around that same weekend. We saw them a couple months ago and I said “I just wanted to let you know that my mom is planning our baby shower for April 29th, I hope you guys can make it”. She said “oh, that’s right after daughter’s birthday”. I quickly apologized and said I was sorry that both events were on the same weekend. She said it was no big deal. I figured maybe they would have their daughter’s birthday party that Sunday or something or just not attend our shower. No big deal, we would have totally understood. They rsvp’d no to the shower and I was completely fine with that. As far as I know they didn’t have a party for her so I’m not sure what the big deal was. I actually told my mom that I didn’t want that date before I had talked to friend’s wife but ultimately that’s what she chose. I had no say in it because it wasn’t an event I planned for myself.
They got married last October, the first weekend. It was a very last minute, backyard wedding with no family. Just me, Fiance, our circle of friends which includes 2 other couples and another girl. They announced it on a Friday and got married that Sunday. They decided to have a wedding reception this month on Memoral Day weekend. Ok, cool. We said we’d be there. Again, it’s at their house so it’s more on the casual side (which is completely fine!). One of my FI’s friends wanted to throw him a diaper party and chose the day of their wedding. I told him no, he absolutely couldn’t do it that day. So he picked the day after their wedding. To me this shouldn’t be an issue, they’re already married. We set aside the day they chose to celebrate and planned to be there. They don’t get the whole weekend. Especially when they 1. already had a wedding in October and 2. it’s Memorial Day weekend, which is obviously a very busy weekend. My Fiance didn’t know about this diaper party and had no say in planning it whatsoever. So there’s 2 events she’s mad about.
The one that gets me the most is our wedding date. She’s mad because they got married the first weekend of October 2016 and we chose the second weekend of October 2017. It’s not like we chose the weekend right after of the same year, I can see being a little put off by that. But, really a year later? I didn’t realize the whole month of October was off limits since they got married in that month last year. Other friends of ours got married the third weekend of October 2 years ago and they haven’t said one word about it offending them. We had October planned for awhile and a lot of venues were booked so we took what we could get.
We have been messaging back and forth on fb and she has been nothing but nasty towards me. She’s said multiple times (in a sarcastic manner) that she’s so flattered that we’re trying to follow in their footsteps, that we’re unoriginal, we’re inconsiderate and that it’s “sad” that we keep planning our stuff after theirs. She’s making it out like we’re obsessed with them or something and that we’re trying to overshadow them. She also keeps saying that I “allowed” this stuff to happen when I’ve told her multiple times that 2 of these 3 events were not planned by us. I’ve decided that I won’t be going to their wedding reception at the end of the month and I simply told her “Best wishes to you and X at your wedding reception”. She responded and told me that she’s sorry to hear that I’m not coming and that maybe I can have my daughter’s birthday party that weekend since our friend’s are having a party for their daughter the weekend after that. My daughter hasn’t even been born yet and isn’t due until June so she just sounded stupid at that point. This doesn’t quite pertain, but our baby has a possible health condition so it really pissed me off that she even brought her into this. I wanted to tell her how much of an asshole she is but I just stopped responding.
We have a housewarming party planned for the weekend before their wedding, but I don’t think we should even invite them at this point. That’s just going to piss her off even more. We tried to be mindful of their events when planning our own but sometimes every person can’t make it to every event. That’s just life. We set aside time to go to their events and to me she is being super ungrateful and inconsiderate. Especially the way she’s trying to monopolize every month that they are hosting an event in. On top of all of this she started slamming my fiance pretty bad saying that she didn’t message him directly because he’ll “just run to his daddy to fix his problems for him” and that no one threw him a diaper party because they all had real bills to pay and that my Fiance can’t even act like an adult since he still lived with his parents. My Fiance happens to be very close with his dad and I think it was hard for him to move out of their house because his whole family lives right next to each other. He’s not just leaving his parents, he’s leaving everyone.
I have no clue where to go from here. We’re not sure how FI’s friend feels about all of this until he gets a chance to talk to him. But I aleady know nothing will be the same in our group ever again. I don’t want to invite her to our wedding but I know we have to. She won’t come, but I know I have to at least extend the invitation. So bees, please tell me, were we in the wrong here? Was planning our wedding a year later on a different weekend a horrible thing to do? Should I have rudely told my mom to choose a different date for the baby shower to accommodate their needs?