- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
I am already married (three years now) and I’m pregnant so I guess don’t entirely fit here but you all seem very responsive to requests so here goes. I created an account to ask a specific question – what should I have done? I’ll admit right off the bat, I skipped the wedding. I RSVP’d then didn’t go. But I never thought it would result in this. History – my husband is one of five (three boys, two girls). Both sisters and his oldest brother were already married. I’m closest to brother’s wife (SIL referred to below). We’ve bonded over marrying into this wonderful family. With great Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law, mostly I think, because of their daughters whose MIL’s aren’t so great. Anyway, the last hold out single was the middle brother, and it’s his wedding I skipped. It was a big church wedding and reception. DH and I of course planned to go. (Guests, neither of us were part of the wedding party.) But by the time the date rolled around, DH is overseas, and I’m pregnant (which is why I don’t entirely trust my emotional response to this whole thing) and this thing has turned into an over the top “EVENT”. I will say that I don’t really like the woman. I’ve always thought she was spoiled brat, but I can only imagine what she thinks of me.
Anyway. A lot happened the week before (not relevant) but the night before I got a call that my estranged grandmother had died. I hadn’t seen this woman since I was six. But my aunt was livid when I said that I would not be dropping everything to jump on a plane to make the funeral that Sunday. Twenty years of family trouble was blamed on me and my late parents. I hung up on her and had a good cry. The next morning I was fully prepared to suck it up, pin on a smile, and go. But then my dress didn’t fit. The beautiful dress that I bought special with Mother-In-Law and all three SILs and that fit a week ago when I tried on shoes. I fell apart. I mean full out toddler melt down. Couldn’t calm down or stop crying. Gotta love pregnancy. Anyway I could not get it together. So I texted the bride and my Mother-In-Law. Just that I wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t make it. Then I called SIL (once I could talk) and gave her a quick rundown. She promised to tell Mother-In-Law enough to keep her from worrying, but not so much that she left the ceremony to come take care of me (which she confirmed later, if she’d known it all, she would have). Honestly I didn’t think anyone else would miss me. I pretty much slept the entire day.
The next morning, the new wife called me – From. Her. Honeymoon. To cuss me out. Texting her the morning of was the “ultimate breach of etiquette”. Ranting that I ruined her perfect day. That no one cared about her. Everyone was worried about where I was and what was wrong with me. She said she would never forgive me and would never speak to me again. I never got a word in before she hung up. I was furious but again, pregnancy, emotions all wacked. When I calmed I figured she was just overwhelmed and upset. And both Mother-In-Law and SIL did tell me that everyone from our side asked about me. So I sent a carefully worded email, explaining what happened, apologizing, etc. And she has Brother-In-Law respond with an email that she deleted my email without reading it, she doesn’t want to hear my excuses etc. and that she would prefer that I not interrupt her honeymoon. (Aside here, if you don’t want to be interrupted by emails, DON’T CHECK YOUR EMAIL). So move ahead to last weekend, we had a get together to see pictures etc. As soon as I get there, she’s ranting again about how I ruined her perfect day, blah, blah, blah. I responded that I had apologized and we need to just move on. But she just kept talking about how selfish and immature I was. Then she drops the ultimatum. Either I leave or she will. And from now on the family can invite me or her to family events. I was prepared to leave but Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law stopped me. And my sweetest in the world SIL told her that they all like me a lot more than they like her. So she storms out.
Before I go I will say, I am fine. I know this whole thing is nuts. And she’s being ridiculous about it. I can’t go back and change it. But I want to know, what should I have done? Again, she said that texting her the morning of was the “ultimate breach of etiquette”. So how should I have contacted her? Or should I really have found a way to get it together, found a different dress, and gone? Or am I in the right (as the family keeps telling me)?