(Closed) drama over missing wedding

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I have done?

    got it together, found a dress that fit, and gone to the wedding

    contacted her another way - see comment

    not contacted her at all

    nothing different, you're fine, she's wrong

  • Post # 32
    Member
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @KCKnd2  LOL! Yes exactly

    Post # 33
    Member
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    OP this woman is a psycho! You did nothing wrong–don’t let her get you down!

    Post # 34
    Member
    1613 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @Brielle  THIS gal said it all!!!!!

     

    Do NOT feel bad….no bride on the planet should be “furious” with you…If I wasn’t accepting texts the day of I would have left my phone at home and off. You did everything I would have done. Don’t you dare send her flowers. DO send whatever gift/card you originally intended to, but I wouldn’t go above and beyond for a mega brat like that! 

    Post # 35
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think “singing telegram” should be added to the poll. It’s obviously the right answer! 😛

    I agree with a few other posters that I would not send flowers. It might make her feel justified in her reaction. Just a thought 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    3306 posts
    Sugar bee

    Wow, she is nuts!

    Post # 37
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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    @MrsTimmy  Are you serious that you’d be furious? I can’t fathom that.

     

    @sage7, your SIL is a selfish jerk. I’m sorry she’s putting you through this stress. Congrats on your pregnancy!

    Post # 38
    Member
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Sadly, I understand disappointment in people not showing.  I’m still working on the forgiveness part from my wedding.  One of my hubby’s friends RSVP’d, didn’t call about changing plans, and later informed us that they forgot.  On the other side, only 16 out of the 75 invited people (not including their +1) from my side showed.  It hurt alot b/c many were family and I’ve had no falling out with any of them.  Later, most of them said they couldn’t get the money together to attend (all of my fam had to make a long distance trip).  It hurt though and still does.  I’m saddened by it b/c I know my hubby wanted to invite many more people, but didn’t b/c we were splitting the numbers.  At this point, I’m just trying to love on those who showed as much as possible.  They’re the ones who care about us.  Anyway, I digress.  

    I think that a text message was in bad form.  If at all possible, I think finding another dress from your closet would have been good.  However, it sounds like you were not doing well.  So, if you absolutely couldn’t attend, I think a phone call would have been a little better.   When people hear your voice, the care and fact that you really wanted to be there would have come through.  On another note, I think she was overreacting a bit.  At least she had some people show. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    3218 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    If my new SIL bailed on my wedding because she was sick, I’d be worried about her and would want to confirm she was okay, not cussing her out while I was supposed to be enjoying my honeymoon.  

    Part of me thinks that you should have thrown on your big-girl-panties and gone to the wedding, at least for part of the day, but I’ve never been pregnant so I don’t feel qualified to give you real advice on whether that was the right call.  Either way, her response was a huge overreaction.  I could understand a “hey, I was disappointed you didn’t come to my wedding, I was really looking forward to seeing you and getting family portraits” or whatever.  

    I definitely think she’s being selfish and crazy for saying you ruined the entire day and no one paid attention to her– she’s the bride, of course they paid attention to her!  What did she want people to do, talk about her for every second of the day?  She’d be mad to know I had an hour long conversation about soccer at the last wedding I visited– I should have only been talking about the bride!

    Post # 40
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    i am so sorry you are going through this but i WOULD NOT send her flowers she needs to get over herself and suck it up the world does not revolve around her…honestly she really pisses me off i dont even know her lol.I say just ignore her and forget about it and dont bother with her again …I remember when i was pregnant there were days i just was an emotional wreck and didnt want to see anyone or do anything but sleep all day. Congrats on your pregnancy and try to stay stress free.

    Post # 41
    Member
    3218 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I also think texting the bride may not have been the wisest choice.  Not for the medium– I’d rather get a text than a call when I’m that busy– but because I’m not sure it’s something she needs to know?  You could text Mother-In-Law or maybe the groom, but I really don’t want to get texts from no-shows the morning of my wedding, I’ve got enough to worry about as it is. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    11231 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @alyssaC  Seriously. I’m expecting texts on the day of, especially because we won’t be getting ready until later in the day. I would expect a text from my pregnant Future Sister-In-Law if she was unable to make it, especially for reasons like yours. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    @sage7

    Don’t send her flowers.  Right now bratty SIL is acting like a tantruming toddler acting out for more attention.  Treat her like one:  ignore her – ANYTHING you do to/for her will feed her drama, and you surely don’t want to get sucked in again.

    Post # 44
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    What a whack job!  I don’t think you did anything wrong here.  Be thankful the family likes you more than they like her! 🙂 

    Post # 45
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would not extend myself any more to her. IMO you did nothing wrong. You were right not to attend due to your situation. I am sure she would have been angry if you would have gone and everything would have been okay because people would have been talking about how you were glowing and asking you when the baby was coming and she would have felt it was wrong of them because *stomps feet* it was her day!

    Post # 46
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Wow she’s got a lot of nerve asking your in law’s to choose between you and her. Especially if she treats them as badly as you say. She sounds a bit off, ignore her. 

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