(Closed) drama over missing wedding

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I have done?

    got it together, found a dress that fit, and gone to the wedding

    contacted her another way - see comment

    not contacted her at all

    nothing different, you're fine, she's wrong

  • Post # 47
    744 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    A text is better than a call in that case. When I get a text and I’m busy, I either read it and move on, or I wait until later. With a call, I’d have to either answer it or let it go to VM. Then spend 3 minutes checking VM. I don’t think that was rude at all.

    As far as finding another dress, I’m assuning that, since the one that was purchased specifically while pregnant didn’t fit, the rest of the clset doesn’t hold out much opportunity for more dresses.

    And it doesn’t sound like the text was the issue. It sounds more like HRH Queen Bride Of The Universe didn’t like that people asked about Sage. They should have been groveling like good little subjects at the dainty feet of the the Vision In White than asking about where one of the other plebes was.

    Finally, why the heck wouldn’t she be expected to go to the picture viewing day? Queenie had her one day, and OP is family too. Sure, SIL probably made it worse, but who the f does this girl think she is, dictating who the ILs can have in THEIR home? Ultimatim, my ass. SHE’S the one who needs big girl pants.

    Post # 48
    1 posts
    • Wedding: June 2009

    OP here – sorry for the name change, email problems and ‘baby brain’ forgetting password. Figured I’d update.  (Haven’t bought the flowers as planned.  Couple reasons, not important.)  We all got together today at MIL/FIL house for our traditional 4th BBQ.  I got there before bride and groom.  So I took the opportunity to talk to everyone else.  Just said, all the drama needs to end.  Weddings are stressful, and while she didn’t start out on the right foot, she is part of the family now.  Etc.  Etc.  There was some grumbling, but they all agreed.   Then groom came.  Alone.  Yep, she refused to come.  He apologized to me, and everyone, for her behavior.  And a lot of things came out.  Relevant to previous post:

    First – Day of, as everyone gathered at church, oldest Brother-In-Law told Groom that I wasn’t coming.  Everything was OK with my husband/his brother – which obviously was his first concern – but that I had some things going on.  Later as bridge and groom were getting ready to leave, Brother-In-Law told him that he and SIL were heading to check on me.  Bride’s comment – oh Sage wasn’t here?  Yeah.  First time I was mentioned in her presence and first time she noticed I wasn’t there was at the VERY END OF THE EVENING.  So much for my absence being everyone’s focus.  ‘Everyone’ who missed me was on our side and asked my ILs, word spread that husband was OK, I was mostly OK, love was sent back, and that was the end of it.

    Second – the text.  Opinions ranged from it was very annoying, it was no big deal, to it was appropriate.  Turns out – she didn’t get the text that morning.  Nope, didn’t have her phone with her.  She read it along with a couple dozen others (per Groom) in the car on the way to the airport.  So whether it would have been intrusive or not, doesn’t seem to matter really as she got it after she’d been told why I wasn’t there.  Which actually makes the call and email seem that much worse.  I will say in Groom’s defense, he says that he didn’t know about the phone call from the honeymoon.  Or rather, she told him she was going to call to check on me.  And he didn’t send the email, she did.  Of course this is only his side of things.  But he seemed really pissed when he left.  Needless to say, I won’t be buying her flowers now.  I’m hoping the drama will end now that the truth is out to everyone.

    Heathenswan – as for dresses, no, as it turns out nothing I had that was appropriate would have fit at that point.  And not in a ‘is this a little tight’ way, more of a ‘if I take a deep breath, the buttons are going to become ballistic missiles’.    I knew I’d get bigger boobs, but this is nuts…  sorry, off topic.  But I lost it after the first dress, thankfully waited a few days to try on the rest. 

    Back to the text for a second –  if you think it will bother you, turn your phone off the day of or get someone else to answer it just in case.  You can catch messages later rather than get pissed at the interruption.  Personally mine broke the night before (DH accidentally dropped it out a window – sturdy yes, survive a twelve foot drop to brick, not so much) so I actually was without until after the honeymoon.

    So thanks again for the poll votes and the comments.  As for the flowers, that’s a big – oh hell no — I’m off to spend the flower money on obnoxious maternity shirts (along the lines of  ‘next person to touch the belly, loses a hand’)


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