Post # 1
FH’s niece got pregnant when she was 16 and had a baby when she was 17. She and the baby’s father ended up getting engaged early last year and had planned a wedding for July of 2010, and her mom had put about $15,000 into the wedding (it was going to be a BIG thing; one of the nicest reception venues in the city, open bar even though the bride and groom were only 18, just a really big ordeal) but they broke up and the wedding was called off. FH’s niece ended up moving about 2 hours away so she could re-enroll in another college, but then she and her boyfriend got back together AGAIN and she moved back closer to home and is currently not in school (but starting again next semester). They’ve been living together and her mom recently stopped paying for her phone and took her car back because she’s unhappy about the on/offness of the situation (for the niece’s sake and her daughter’s, because sometimes her parents are together, sometimes not, and all that). The boyfriend hasn’t been to any family functions since they got back together; I kind of think he’s embarrassed to show his face after everything that’s happened between them.
Well, this morning, the niece posted on FB that she’s engaged again. A couple of her friends have congratulated her, but I don’t know how I feel about it and I kind of feel like an ass. None of the family thinks anything good will come of them getting married because of their past, but we’re all pretty sure that she won’t realize what a bad idea it is to be with him until she goes through a bad marriage and divorce. I’m sure the rest of them will feel about the same way I do; we want her to be happy, but we’re sure this is not a good idea but can’t tell her that. She’s only 19 and she’s just idealistic, you know, and thinks things will magically be happy and great even though he’s done some bad stuff to her before. Also, because of how the last wedding was called off after a bunch of plans had been made, it’s hard to really know if it’ll happen THIS time, you know? And finally, selfishly, I’m worried that she’ll try and squeeze her wedding in in the next couple months and we’ll end up having back to back weddings. Which I know in the grand scheme of things isn’t a huge deal, except you kind of like the family’s excitement to be on your wedding when it’s your time and other people’s weddings when it’s THEIR time, right? I’m hoping she’ll end up doing it next year, but I just have a feeling she’ll rush to get it done this year since she originally wanted it done last summer.
Ugh, anyway. I think I’m just being a crabby ass this morning about it. I just really don’t want her to schedule her wedding within a week or two of ours and have some of the excitement for our wedding dampened by the family’s general uneasiness about her marrying this kid. I’ll probably feel a little better once I found out when she’s planning to get married. (Fingers crossed 2012, LOL.)
Post # 3
@ohheavenlyday: I’d say you have lots of reasons to be uneasy about the situation.
Has anyone suggested they go to marriage counseling before they continue with the wedding? This might help with everyone’s unease as well as the situation. It’s impossible to tell if this on again/off again could be from outside intrusion or if it’s how she subconsciously thinks a relationship should be (due to your mentioning her parents are the same way… unless I misread, then my apologies!).
I’d say just wait and see how it goes and not worry about her wedding.
good luck!!! and hopefully she’ll wait a while before going through with it!
Post # 4
Considering the circumstances, even if your weddings are very close, if most of the family feels as you do, the feeling at yours will be incredibly different (joy, excitement, happiness) than at hers (apprehension, people feeling like they’re making the best of a bad situation). I really doubt this could overshadow your happy day. It may just make it stand out more in contrast. In fact, it would be to her benefit not to schedule closely to yours because she might notice the difference.
Maybe it’s bad to say, but there’s just a different feeling at a wedding where you know the couple is perfect for each other than one where most people are wondering why they’re getting married.
But I understand where you’re at – I hope for you that she picks 2012 as well.
Post # 5
Oh, I worded it really badly- the niece’s parents are divorced (and hate each other), but the niece’s mother doesn’t support her being with the boyfriend because it’s always on/off and not good for the niece’s daughter. I think last year she originally supported the wedding because she thought it was the right thing for them to do, but after the breaking up/getting back together, she’s no more happy about it than the rest of us. Also, they are Catholic, so I assume they’ll have to go through some pre-Cana and all that which might help them a lot.
I just called my Future Mother-In-Law and asked her if she saw the announcement on FB (I figured I wasn’t breaking any big news since the niece blasted it on her status this morning anyway) and she said no, but she’s “happy for her because that’s what she wants.” Which I know means “I’m not happy about it but I’ll act happy for her since she’s happy.” Which I’m guessing is pretty much how we all feel at this point.
Post # 6
Will the parents pay for the wedding? It sounds like they arent on great terms.
Honestly, I hope her parents encourage her and her fiance to date for more time. Theres no reason to rush things when they have had such a rocky relationship.
Post # 7
Some people are just really thick headed about relationships. And because you’re not in the relationship, it’s really hard to know what’s going on. I’d be there for her – support her. If this one goes sour too, don’t be right along with the crowd saying “I told you so”.
Post # 8
@ohheavenlyday: ahhhhh… I know a few people like that. I also know one who married simply because ‘it was the honorable thing to do’.
It’s not the best situation for anyone to be in, but unfortunately, the more she’s told to NOT marry him or be with him, the more she will (speaking from experience, too, lol). A longer engagement might iron out the wrinkles, or it could make her realize what an idiot she is. Who knows?
It sucks for everyone involved, but I doubt it will affect your wedding in a bad way. If they come to yours, don’t ostrasize the poor fellow, since he’s gonna be a part of the family… at least for now. (Just throw the pair into the back corner, lol. joking! I’m joking!)
Post # 9
“the more she’s told to NOT marry him or be with him, the more she will” – exactamundo.
I’d encourage them to have a long engagement (and hope they break up again, for good).