(Closed) Drama with Dad… Need support. (LONG)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

For me, personally?

I would calmly tell him that you had made your decision, and while you hope he will still attend, you would prefer that your stepdad walk you down the aisle.

If you really don’t want him to come, then you might say something like “I’m sorry that you’re having such a busy time at work, but I can send you some pictures if you’d like.”

I probably wouldn’t out and out tell my Dad not to come, but I might subtly let him know that in light of your rocky past relationship with him, that you wanted someone who was there for you, who was involved in your life to do the honors.  And if he wasn’t okay with that, then, well, too bad.

People are going to say “it’s your day”, and it is, but I really don’t think that gives brides carte blanche to have whatever they want.  However, in this case, I believe it absolutely and without reservation is YOUR call. 

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you just need to tell your dad that your decision has been made but you still hope he can join in on your day. 

I would not tell him you would rather him not come at all unless he walks you down the isle.  He might be acting like a baby about the situation, but in the end I think you would still want your father to attend even though you have chosen your StepFather to walk you. 

Post # 5
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I am SO sorry you’re going through this, I can’t even imagine.  I think you can communicate to him through whatever means you’re comfortable (another letter, phone call, whatever) that you’re sorry he’s upset, but that this is the right decision for you.  You didn’t do this to hurt him and you do understand if he is unable to attend, though you hope he will be able to be there for your wedding.  But make no bones about the fact that this is YOUR decision and you’ve already made it.  From what you said, this really isn’t about him…you weren’t going to ask him to walk you down the aisle no matter what.  This is about recognizing an important relationship in your life (with your stepdad) and thanking a man that has really been there for you and supported you.  I’m so glad for you that your mom has chosen a man that has been so good to you!  Be firm with your dad, but kind, because you will never regret kindness….and don’t back down, because you’ve made the right choice.  Good luck, and happy wedding planning!

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