- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
I had a fight with my fiance over some stupid stuff. Well, it started out as my fault, but the way it ended, i dont know how i feel about the relationship now..
It started when i felt a distance between me and him. Like he was acting distant. We met up at a restaurant to eat and he didnt want to hug me in front of ppl. Bc he “didn’t want people to talk” which i felt like it was bs bc were engaged. Some of our conversations about random wedding stuff and planning were getting me annoyed bc he didnt seem like he was interested in cooperating. Like taking wedding photos. He would complain about taking them and how it was lame. And yeah that made me upset bc it’s important to me. The upcoming week we had to get ready for a religious fast and he sounded happy about not having to hang out (we hang out once a week), bc he can sleep in and relax. which granted i was ok with bc he works a lot so he deserves days off. But i was a bit put off bc i guess i felt like he doesnt enjoy hanging out or something. (Which i could be wrong about)
Well i kept bringing up my concerns to him, about the distance. But he kept brushing me off. And i felt weird, like a bad feeling. I remember this feeling all too well. About a year ago while in college, he was being distant from me in this sort of way. And i found out that he asked a girl in his class to lunch on campus. (which yeah sounds harmful) but the fact that he hid it from me on purpose, raised red flags. And after that he would sometimes go out of his way to chat with her on IM and check up on her. And this was after class with her was over. We fought about this stuff and hes deleted her contacts and any sign of her from his life.
So i recieved an alert email from my linkedin that usually tells you updates and who is connected with who. Well i see that hes added this other girl. She has a middle eastern name so i look her up. Turns out she’s pretty much the girl version of him, careerwise. He was applying to the 2 companies shes worked for recently. I didn’t want to think anything of it. But i guess i felt it was a lil out of character for him to add someone he doesnt know at all. And why a cute persian girl version of him. I mean i know it sounds like im overthinking things, but bc of what ive gone through before.. i couldnt help but feel that way. So i asked him and he sounded like oh i dont know who youre talking about. He only added her less than a month ago, so i knew that was bs. He got mad at me bc he knew where this was heading. We texted back and forth while we were at work and he had a lot of hateful stuff to say to me. About how im a freak.. and a child, etc. we fought over text (dumb i know), but he goes on talking about how theres a double standard in this relationship, he says that bc i have guy friends, well that i cant change bc i work in a male dominated industry. I have plenty of girl friends as well, and i never ever hang out with my guy friends. I got angry at him and told him the diff between me and u is i dont go on liking my guy friends when i already have someone i love.
He kinda threatened me and called me a fool, and that im well on my way to breaking off engagement #2…
A lil backstory.. I was previously engaged to this guy, and it was an arranged engagement/ marriage. I didnt know him before we were engaged. I went with it bc i was traditional and naive at the time. i was 20 years old. well long story short, i ended it bc i didn’t love him, or could see myself being married or sleeping with or raising a child with a douchebag. He was a compulsive liar, and lied to me about a lot of things for no reason. I just didn’t want to be stuck in that. So i ended it.
My Fiance continued to throw my previous breakup in my face.. stating that he thinks i was lying about it. And it was probably my fault. Pretty screwed up stuff… And i kept crying during this.. bc i know damn well its not my fault. I mean why would i stay in a loveless relationship with a guy i didnt trust, and didnt have things in common with…
I got so fed up and told him he should just leave me. That i dont need that. I know what happened, and it wasn’t by my fault. He said he wasnt going to leave me bc he doesn’t want any other guy to go through hell by being with me…. wtf…
Now things feel really.. bad. I know im not a horrible person. People actually really like me. I keep getting teary eyed at work.. thinking of it. I know i just dont want to talk to him for a good while…
I know a lot of people’s first thoughts would be, well if he thinks that, you should leave him..
But I dont think I can. I left one guy already, for good reasons, but if i do it again, my fam will think i have a problem of leaving men, etc. And bc my fam is all about name, it puts our name to shame. My parents would never ever forgive me.. I feel like all i can do is make it work.. but not sure how i could get past this or handle the fact he thinks so bad of me.
Like he thinks im bipolar which im definitely not! He’s grown around mentally ill fam members.. his sister has bipolar, and his dad’s got anger/bi polar issues too. Now he thinks im a “freak” bc i express things to him. We text most of the time so he assumes when i talk to him about anything serious im “freaking out” when im definitely not. I feel like he blows texts out of proportion. We don’t get to talk on the phone often bc were both at work. But regardless, there’s no excuse to believe that i’m mentally ill, when i’m really not.
I’m like, a mess right now. I’m so confused. Any advice plz?