(Closed) Dramatic women in the workplace. UGH

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I work with 95% women in a field that people would automatically assume is filled with drama.  Probably a good 1/3 of my coworkers were hired straight out of college.  I really don’t have to deal with drama any more than the usual work-related irritations.  This is actually the most professional and drama free environment I’ve ever worked in, and I’ve worked in a pretty good mix of offices over the years (as a result of temping after college and serving as an intern or graduate assistant in multiple departments, and then full time jobs).  

A new hire made a comment recently about how surprisingly welcoming and calm the office was, after she began working with all women.  I was like, “What?? So you assumed working with us would suck?”  It was really off-putting.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Lavender28.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Lavender28.
Post # 32
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Umm, I’m pretty sure this whole thread is exactly what the OP was venting about. Women are dramatic. All the OP did was vent about a crabby woman at work and exaggerated a comment and everybody gets their panties in a wad. 

Seriously, I hardly think the OP was serious when she said she hates 90% of women, but correct me if I’m wrong OP. 

Post # 34
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

WestCoastV: I agree with you 100%.  

sway0060: The point that WestCoastV is making isn’t dramatic — she’s merely trying to open our eyes to the fact that some forms of stereotyping and prejudice are totally accepted by society (e.g. “women are catty”) whereas others are abhorrent (we can all think of our own examples here), and that that’s something we should be uncomfortable with. 

Post # 35
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

 

WestCoastV:  

We will have to agree to disagree because IMO comparing someone to a racist VS. saying some women have way to much drama is not even on the same playing field.

I tend to aviod friendships with women because in the past I have had friends that are more drama then they were worth.

One friend always had bf issues, they would date then break up pretty much every weekend. I spent my New Years eve trying to talk her out of killing herself she did this often as an attention seeking move.

One friend liked to date marry men and then complain when they wouldn’t leave their wives for her.

Another friend liked to also have bf issues unload on me about them, and when I needed her no where to be found.

I had a friend that introduced me to her male friend, said she thought we would hit it off, we dated and she flipped out and stopped talking to me. He said he thought she secretly wanted to date him and thats why she was mad.

Pretty much every woman I have met in the last few years is way more drama than I can handle, I could list atleast 10 more instances.

I can’t be meeting only the drama ones 10 out of 10 can’t be like this wthout there being some sort of trend

No not all women are like this but I have also met a lot of men ( as friends and aquientances) in my profession and personally in the same time period and have had very little issues.

Post # 36
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Fall_In_Love22:  This thread is nothing like what the OP was venting about. The negative comments here have, on the whole, been well-reasoned, drama-free statements.

Everyone knows that the OP was exagerrating when she said she hates 90% of women, but that doesn’t mean that we, a bunch of strangers commenting on a public forum, need to accept her statement. 

I’ll repeat what other posters have said — if this post were written by a man, or if it were written about just about any other group out there, people would be saying it’s not ok, even in jest & frustration. So why is it ok when it’s about women? 

You can disagree, and I respect that, but it’s not fair or accurate to say that the responses here are dramatic and prove the OP’s point.

Post # 37
Member
7433 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Anna113619:  “I am HARDLY the first woman to make the statement that women cause drama in the workplace.  Is it a generalization, of course.  Not every woman is dramatic/immature.  I just have personally had a bad experience in a few different offices where women worked together in close proximity.  I apologize to those who are offended.  I understand everyones point but it was never meant to be taken so literally.”

Here’s the thing- you are most definitely not the first woman to make a statement like that, but someone has to start saying “it is not okay to say things like this” or else the gender stereotypings will just continue on. When you say things like that, even if meant as a joke or exaggeration for dramatic effect, you are saying to anyone who hears/reads it, “it’s okay to talk like this.”  In reality, it’s not okay to make statements like that, and the people who read/hear it and call you out on it are doing the right thing.

I get it: everyone needs to vent and you have some annoying co-workers. Get it off your chest. But do it in a way that doesn’t perpetuate the stereotypes or give others permission to perpetuate the stereotypes.

You may not be the first woman to make a statement like that, but you can do your part so that some day, some way, there is a last woman to ever do that.

Post # 38
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I see the same thing some guys.  A bunch of the old management team I worked for were guys.  Infact, they were all guys.  It was a competative environment and everyone of them had a very “jock” mentality that when they had to play together it was okay.  They worked together and hung out on the weekends, and if you wanted to “join the club” you needed to as well.  When one of them wanted the new “quarterback” position it was a mad scramble to see who would throw the other under the bus first.  The gossip and rumors some of the guys would start was terrible.  And the worst part of working there was the people who were the best at throwing people under the bus but bad at their jobs were the ones who got promoted the most often.  So glad to be where I am now. 

Post # 40
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Anna113619:  I’m not offended by your statament. I am sad by it, though. How in the hell are women going to help make ridiculous steroetypes go away if we are the ones helping to perpetuate them? That woman sounds immature, but she isn’t indicative of every woman in the workplace. Maybe instead of defending what you said, you should consider that if so many people felt the need to comment on it, maybe there was something wrong in it.

 

 

Post # 41
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I see that Horseradish:  stillme:  nikkiibee:  WestCoastV:  and others have covered why these statements that perpetuate the “hysterical woman” trope are problematic, but I just want to repeat what I wrote in another thread of this nature–

Comments that tear down women using stereotypes strengthen deep assumptions that privilege [the cultural understanding of] maleness as the proper default and express a deep assumption that behavior that earns a man’s praise and is like what we expect male behavior to be is automatically better than the behavior that we expect from women or that earns women’s praise.  In order to weaken this privileging of maleness, there is a special need to be careful in our use of language, even when we are frustrated or otherwise.

Vent in a private paper diary.  When you post on a public forum, you are responsible for your words and the consequences that follow from the effect they have on your readers.

Post # 42
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

 

sway0060:  With all the examples you gave, and the fact that you have 10 more examples you could use, what’s the common denominator? You are. Maybe it’s the fact that you are attracting dramatic or shitty friends and not that women in general are catty, jealous, dramatic.etc. Maybe you are in fact the one that likes drama. No shade, just the first thought that entered my mind when I read your post.

Same with OP, EVERY place you’ve wordked has been filled with THOSE types of women. Maybe it’s more about you and the way you interact with or see the world?

And there is always the choice to not engage with the drama. When stuff does go down in my office, I’m always the last to know because I honestly just don’t have time to pay attention. So she’s typing loud with a grumpy face, I just don’t get why it bothers you so much. Focus on your work and I promise this won’t bother you so much!

Post # 43
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Anna113619:  This is very different– but the first job I had after I had my son- was a serving job.

It was at a very popular place– where the majority (not all, thankfully, but most)- of the servers were younger.  While I truly believe people of all ages can have wonderful friendships…..the younger crowd BS got old there.  There was a group of girls, whom most night- would go out drinking after work.  OK.  I don’t care what you do with your life.  

One of these girls got a DUI- and had really expensive fees.  While I was picking up a shift, she tried to steal it from me.  She had already picked up like 4 extra ones that week– and it was mine- but she started whining.  I said “hey, A, you’ve picked up 4 *extra* shifts this week, I have a family to support and I grabbed this one”.  Her response? “Well it’s not my problem you decided to get knocked up and have a kid.  I have a DUI and have bills to pay.”  My response? “Well it’s not my problem you did something stupid and got a DUI.”

She decided it hurt her feelings, so she manufactured the story to make me look like a total bitch, and got a group of young girls to all hate me.  Whoopdee doo.  

I’m thankful I took that job- it was decent money to support my son and I, it was nights so I could be with him during the day.  AND– I met my husband because I took that job.

All the girls that decided to think I was a bitch- after I left and got engaged- and started planning the wedding– got upset when they found out they weren’t invited to our wedding.  Thankfully, I’m still very close to a woman who worked there, and she bothered to explain to them they were out of line, get over it.

I know it’s not “office” petty- but it’s work drama.

Post # 45
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

MaggieF:  

 

I could see how you would think that and honestly  if I didn’t know the situation I would too. All of these  people are former friends, I do not have a drama filled life and didn’t want to surround myself with it either hence why we are not friends.

As far as women as a whole we are wired differently then men being more emotional  is part of who we are. It is no necessarly a bad thing in fact sometimes it’s  an advantage.

I now surround myself  with people  who do not bring drama into my life. I have a few gfs that are awesome  women , who are a pleasure to be friends with . My fiance is the least  drama person I have ever met,  and my co workers are enjoyable to work with. 

So yes I have had my share of dramatic people  but that’s  not how I choose to live my life  and they are no longer  welcome

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